Fantastic Voyage

The Big Wheel

2011-01-07T20:34:00.000-06:00

I didn't realize that I haven't posted anything since June of last year. Wow. I have been thinking about the past a lot lately. It's probably because I left my job and have a lot more time on my hands. Or it's because some old family issues have been coming up in conversation. I spent some time with my little sister today.

I stopped by her job to pick something up, and we got to talking. About A LOT of things. Things from when we were growing up. Anyway I remembered a story. One of the many, many places we lived, we had a neighbor. She was in her mid fifties, and her husband was a truck driver. To make some of her own money, she kept kids at home. I don't think the words "at home sitter" or "in home daycare" had been invented yet. After all, this was decades ago, you know, in the eighties.

This "old" woman as I thought of her at the time didn't like to be home alone when her husband was on the road. Of course, now I can look back and say that she had anxiety. So, she would pay me to A-stay overnight at her house while her husband was gone and B-pay me to help out with all the kids she kept. (Which is by the way, the reason I knew how to change a diaper when I had a baby at sixteen) So I usually had some money stashed. Sometimes my younger, ~~criminally minded~~ siblings would steal my money and go down to the corner store and buy candy. Not that I hold grudges or anything. Really.

The year my youngest sister turned four, she wanted a big wheel REALLY bad. She talked about it all the time. Any of you who know me personally or have read some of my old blog postings know that we were REALLY poor. Anyway, I had some money stashed and I wanted my baby sister to have a nice birthday. I knew my mom didn't have the money for the big wheel or a birthday party. So we took my money and went shopping. We bought decorations, balloons, streamers, birthday cake, the whole nine yards.

In essence I threw my baby sister a birthday party. At twelve. The best part was that I bought her the big wheel she wanted. With my own money. I am not telling this story to toot my own horn. In my conversation with one of my other sisters, we'll just call her Marlette, you know, cuz that's her name. Anyway in this conversation I suddenly remembered the birthday, the big wheel, the decorations and well everything.

I told my sister this story. She was flabbergasted. She never knew that I had paid for that birthday for our baby sister. Not only did she not know I did it, but she was resentful for years that our sister Alicia, had gotten to have such a wonderful birthday. It just so happened that this same year she had a crummy birthday. Our mother didn't have any money and she had three children with May birthdays. The 15th, the 18th, and the 26th. Needless to say, there were not three birthday parties or even one. I think they other three kids had gotten a cake and a card for their birthday.

So all these years, she has remembered the year that Alicia got the goods and she got cheated. I told her today when we talked about it, as a twelve year old, it NEVER occured to me, that what I did would cause mutiny in the ranks. I just had absolutely NO clue! I just knew that my baby sister wanted a big wheel and the only way she would get it would be if I bought it for her. So Marlette, I am sorry about the year of the big wheel. Had I but known........

Construction is FINALLY Complete

2010-06-25T21:51:00.000-05:00

I think I mentioned that we were in the process of finishing the upstairs in Boo's house so we would have more room. Finally. It's done. Keri is moving her stuff upstairs as we speak. That girl is just beside herself over her new room. Not to mention that she now has her own bathroom and her and Melissa will be sharing the upstairs living room. A year ago, I never thought I would be where I am now.

I know that I don't deserve such a wonderful man as my Boo, but I am grateful for him every single day. Keri told me the other day that she thinks thinks everything happens for a reason. What a smart girl. She pointed out that had certain things not happened at our old house that we wouldn't be here now. It sounds corny but sometimes I think "Wow, this is really real". It all seems like a wonderful dream and at any moment, I expect to wake back in the place I was a year ago. Sometimes I am scared that something will happen to Boo or to me. Just because I can't believe our good fortune. Our lives seemingly melded together pretty well. He is not perfect and neither am I. But somehow it just seems to work.

The girls bought Boo Father's Day cards, which I thought was really sweet. We baked a cake and my sister came over and cooked some food for him and my dad.

The last couple of weeks have been pretty stressful with trying to finish the upstairs and work has been crazy for the both of us. I have had to work a couple of weekends, which I find to be ironic. There was a time when I would have killed to be able to work weekends, cuz we get paid for it. Now, I don't want to be there. I don't need to be there financially. My workload says differently. It says, "You must come in on Saturday and get caught up. If you don't, I will be there on Monday and Tuesday and each day after that until you figure out how to get caught up". I compromised this weekend and brought some stuff home with me.

Working for the same company as Boo is strange in itself. Most everyone knows that we are together. My boss either hasn't figured it out, or he has and has decided not to say anything. We are not sure what, if anything would happen should certain company officials become aware of our relationship. We don't work in the same department, but he is a manager and I have access to certain sensitive information. I am concerned about how our long term future will affect our jobs should we decide to get married. It would have to come out at that point. I have five and a half years invested in that company and Boo has even more than that. I suppose we will have to cross that bridge when we get to it.

Now I must focus on what really matters. Like where I can find a Wii for a reasonable price for the upstairs living room.

Trying To Catch Up

2010-06-11T22:04:00.000-05:00

As I mentioned in my last post, the girls and I are living with Boo. His house has three bedrooms downstairs and and unfinished upstairs. Until now that is. The bedrooms downstairs are sort of small so Boo is finishing the upstairs for the girls. There will be a living room, bedroom, and living room when the work is finished. We hope to be mostly finished by the end of next week. The drywall is up, the walls are painted and the tile has been laid in the bathroom. I really can't believe he is doing all that for my girls. I spent ten years as a single parent. I was sort of resigned to being single for the rest of my life. I was even pretty happy about it. I really had no idea what was in store for me when I met Boo.

When I first started crushing on him, I just thought he was really smart and had pretty eyes. Little did I know there was a lot more to him than that. He is truly one of the kindest men I have ever had the good fortune to know. He is very good to my girls and to me. He does laundry, dishes and will even clean the toilet. He is not rude or disrespectful or demeaning. I won't carry on and on though it's tempting.

Keri was not at all impressed when we first started dating. She was not very happy for me to have ANY man in my life. She slowly came around once she realized how kind he is. Yesterday I was driving her to stay the night with a friend. She told me that she refers to him as her dad. I was shocked, touched, and in awe. Keri's father disappeared from her life a couple of years ago. I don't want to get into that here. I am very happy that she didn't lose all trust in men. It would have been easy and understandable for her to feel that way.

I really feel like the four of us are a family. It just goes to show you that you never know what the future holds. Did I mention that I was single for TEN FREAKIN' years?

Changes Are Afoot

2010-06-06T19:34:00.000-05:00

It seems like a lifetime has passed since the last time I sat down to write. A quiet evening at home with not much going on, has my fingers itching. Let's see, a lot has been going on. First, the kids and I moved in with my Boo. Without going into a lot of details, my living situation become impossible. Boo and I discussed it and decided the girls and I would move in with him. It's not the perfect situation in the sense that I didn't want to live with a man without being married. I wanted to set an example for my girls. However, when backed into a corner I feel I made the best decision for everyone.

Things have really changed for us since the move. I had been struggling financially for quite a while before the move. That area of my life has improved DRAMATICALLY. What else. Oh, Melissa graduated high school with honors....in three years. She went to summer school last summer and skipped her junior year. Honestly, it took me by surprise. She kept telling me she was going to do it, but I was doubtful.

I have to say that the day she graduated was one of the proudest moments of my life as her mother. I quit school as a young teenager, and so did most of my family. This accomplishment was a big deal for everyone. I walked around in motherly pride, for a couple weeks. It seems to me that if you get all puffed up with motherly pride, something bad is bound to happen, and it did. Because we moved so close to the end of the school year, I didn't want the girls to have to change schools. Melissa became Keri's personal chauffeur for the remainder of the school year. Well almost.

Then one day a few weeks ago, I got ..THE PHONE CALL. My phone starting buzzing while I was at work. I saw it was Keri, and answered the phone. I hear a very tearful "Mmmooommmmyyyy" on the other end of the phone, followed by silence. "Hello....hello....Keri?" I say. A man gets on the phone and asks me if I know Melissa. I said that I did and she was my daughter. This man (who was the principal of Keri's school) ripped into me. The phone kept breaking up and I couldn't understand everything he said. The gist of it was that Melissa had tried to run over one of the teachers with her car. My Melissa. My Melissa, who hasn't even been grounded since she was fifteen. My Melissa who NEVER gets into trouble. Let me say that Melissa did not try to run over a teacher with her car. That's ridiculous. What she did do, was cuss said teacher. The teacher was trying to hurry Melissa through the carpool line. Melissa was driving slowly, looking for her sister. The teacher kept waving at her and telling her she needed to drive up to the cone. Finally after a few minutes, Melissa says, "I'm trying find my f-ing sister!".

Now, how that got turned into Melissa trying to run her over, I don't know. While I know it was inappropriate of her speak that way to a teacher, it was more inappropriate of that teacher to flat out LIE... and say Melissa tried to hit her with her car. Anyone who knows my daughter, knows she is not an attempted murderess. Really. OK, maybe she needs her mouth washed out with soap, but let's not get carried away. The principal kept telling me that she was NEVER EVER to set foot on school property AGAIN. He also informed me that he would be filing a petition. A petition? What kind of petition? Parents Against Cussing Teenagers or something? I wondered if maybe he MEANT to say he would be filing charges against her. I thought, "Doesn't he know she just graduated.....with honors....in three years" I thought to myself. Apparently he didn't get that memo.

See what I mean? You go and get all proud and then something like this happens. Oh well. So Melissa is going away to college in the fall. I can't believe it. God eighteen years went by fast. It has been a little traumatic for me to face having my firstborn fly the coop so to speak. There have been several nights where I laid in bed crying. This is a pain that even Boo can't help. I am so grateful to have him to lean on, but it's still hard. Hard to think of my baby out in the cold, cruel world without me. Hard to think of her living on a college campus, doing things that I am sure I absolutely don't want to know about. Hard to think that she wont be here with us every day. I cannot describe the joy and laughter that girl has brought to my life. She completely changed my life from the day I found about her existence. She really forced me to turn my life around.

Keri is thriving, although the last time I took her to the mall she walked ten feet in front of me. Which spoke volumes to me. It said, "Mom, you are old and uncool, and frankly I don't want to be seen with you. Just fork over your wallet and be on your merry way". Let's recap. Melissa is leaving me and going away to college. Keri now feels that I am the "most embarrassing person alive". That is a direct quote from her Facebook page. Yeah, that's great. Oh well, at least I still have Boo. As he told Melissa Friday night, he finally started liking me last week.

Check This Out!

2010-03-30T09:56:00.002-05:00

Please read the email correspondence below, and tell me what you HONESTLY think. I am pretty hacked and have not sent a response yet. I wanted to calm down and gather my thoughts.

From: Rogers, Susan [SRogers@qualityind.com]

Sent: Monday, March 29, 2010 1:36 PM

To: Mike Snell

Subject: Bus change

My daughter Kering Grace Rogers is a sixth grader at Christiana Middle

School. Her older sister usually watches her in the afternoon until I get

home from work. She has gotten a job in the afternoons and will not be at

home. I would like for Keri to be able to ride the bus to my sister's house

in the afternoon, so that she may receive proper supervision after school.

My sister lives at blah blah blah. She has two

children attending Christiana Elementary School. Please let me know what bus

number and if this would be allowed until the end of the school year. My

cell phone number is 555-5555 or see my additional contact information

below.

Thank You,

Susan Rogers

HERE IS THE RESPONSE I RECEIVED:

I'm sorry Ms. Rogers but I will not be able to grant your request. Bus routes and capacities are set up using the

students home address. If students are allowed to ride another bus other than the one they are assigned, it

would cause some buses to be overloaded and some buses to be half empty therefore the county would

have to use more buses than are needed. And to be fair we cannot allow one student to ride a different bus

without allowing all students that same opportunity as we transport 23,000 students each day.

So what's the verdict kind readers?

Happy Birthday Melissa

2009-12-14T20:56:00.000-06:00

Did I mention that in five days Melissa is having a birthday?

Did I mention that it will be a really special one? ~~For her anyway~~

She will be 18 years old! I can't believe it.

I might look happy, but I'm crying on the inside.

Just look at her. Does she look like a grown woman? Well, not to me.

An interesting side note: If I hit her now it won't be child abuse, it will be assault. Oh Geez, I'm only kidding. I wouldn't hit her that hard.

I'm Back

2009-12-09T22:35:00.000-06:00

Everything has been sort of insane since I started dating. You don't realize all that seriously dating someone entails when you already have a family. I have really been beating myself up lately and I decided last night that I am not going to torture myself anymore. After all, life is torturous enough without me doing it to myself. I never really expected to date again. I knew that were still good men out there, I just didn't think there was one for me. Cuz, I'm kinda picky.....and quirky, forgetful, sharp tongued at times, a procrastinator, oh, and I can't keep up with anything-keys, purse, phone, Ipod, you name it. I mean, I can be a little tough to deal with sometimes.

Oh, back to the torture thing. Every time I spend time with Boo, I feel guilty. Even if I have spent six days out of seven with my kids, I still feel bad. I haven't been able to shake it. I feel like I am being a bad mom when I am with him and not them. Sometimes we all do things together, but mostly just him and I. I think we are both being careful about easing him into their lives. I spend no more than two nights a week with him. Usually we go out once during the week, and I spend the night over at his place one weekend night. He doesn't stay at my house. Right now I have pretty strong feelings about setting an example for the girls.

Farrell, since I think you are the only other single mom I know in the blogging world, I think of you often. Girl, there is a lot you don't think about "pre" boyfriend. I want to be really careful about my wording here, because it's very important that it doesn't come off as complaining. I feel extremely blessed to have this amazing person in my life. He is pretty much exactly the kind of person I need and want in my life. That doesn't mean that having this relationship comes without some sacrifice. My house never seems to be as clean as I think it should be. My God, the laundry. The laundry in this house has taken over. See when you are spending even part of your weekend with your boo, it takes away that time that you would normally be ~~walking around in sweatpants on a Saturday morning, with your hair in a ponytail doing laundry and household chores.~~ doing something extremely independent and exciting.

I also have become a football fan. Let me make this clear. I will watch our Titans play on TV, and I will go to a Titans game. Other than that, I don't watch football. I told him when we first started talking that I'm not really into sports. But I also think if you are going to be in relationship, you should at least try to take an interest in what they are interested in.

I never thought I would have someone in my life who treats my kids the way they should be treated. This man does. Without having to be "taught" or told certain things. He doesn't have any kids, but he is great with mine. Keri is experiencing some jealousy, but all the negativity is directed at me, not him. I am actually grateful for that. I would much rather her take it out on me than him any day. After all, I have years of experience, I know exactly how to deal with her.

Melissa on the other is extremely laid back about the whole thing. For example, last night I called her and told her I was going to have a drink with Boo on my way home. Her response was. "OK that's fine, I'll see you later". Keri called me cuz apparently Melissa didn't mention my plans to her. She asked me where I was. When I told her, in a very flat monotone voice, "Oh, OK".

Speaking of Melissa, did you know she will 18 on the 19th of this month? Eighteen years old, I can't believe it. I swear it seems like yesterday I was holding her in my arms. No one told me it would happen this fast. When I look at her, I still see my little girl. HW, I imagine you felt that way about Blake, especially when he enlisted. It's not fair that I have raised this girl for all these years and I am expected to just abruptly cut my apron strings. It's going to be really hard. She is applying for college, looking forward to graduation, and I just don't feel ready for all this.

On a more fun note, here are some of the most recent quotes. They don't stop being funny just cuz they get older.
I am going to set up this first one. I wore overalls to work on Monday for year end inventory. I have to go out in the plant and it's really dirty out there. I didn't want to ruin any of my good clothes. I left the house at 5 freakin thirty am, therefore neither one of the girls saw me until I got home that evening. Melissa walks into the kitchen and says:

Oh my God! What are you wearing?

Me: Overalls. We had inventory today

Melissa: That's ridiculous (a pause here)

Melissa: Did Boo see you in that?

I didn't think the overalls were that bad.

Driving in the car with the girls:

Melissa: Mom, guess what! My friend might be able to get us "New Moon" on DVD. He/She knows how to get pie-rated movies.

Me: (laughing hysterically) You mean pirated movies? Baby they are not called Pie-rated movies

Melissa: It's the same thing

At home a couple of days ago:

Me: I can tell that someone has been wearing my slippers. I can tell that because they are not in the same place I left them this morning.

Keri: (With a very innocent look on her face) Punkin! (Punkin is our cat btw)

Yes, I am sure the cat was wearing my slippers that day.

In the car last week.

Keri: Ew, that's gross. That burp tasted like cheeseburger

Oh I told my friend Kym the story about the overalls tonight. She informed me that I have to throw them away and NEVER WEAR THEM AGAIN!! I told her I will be taking her advice into consideration.
******************

Have I ever mentioned that I have never shopped on Black Friday?

Well I did this year. Wal-Mart was offering the same sales online and in the stores. I put the item in my online cart. I had it all planned out. I would get up at 4:45 am on Friday, click "buy" and go back to bed. Right? Wrong! Wrong, wrong, wrong. I clicked "buy" and got a lovely message in red bold print that read "sold out". I was pretty desperate. The item I wanted was regularly 119 bucks. It was on sale for 59 bucks. I did the only thing a desperate, broke, mother could do. I threw on my coat, and out the door I went....In my pajamas....without brushing my hair......or my teeth.......or taking a shower.....or putting on makeup.

It was not nearly as bad as everything that I have heard. I stood in line for 30 minutes, struck up a pleasant conversation with the people in front of me and was back home by six...ish. The secret to black Friday shopping is all in the shopping carts. Don't get one! I was able to manuever much more quickly than the customers who had buggies. Annnnddd the best part was I actually found what I was looking for.

New Posting

2009-09-01T22:02:00.001-05:00

Girls there is a new posting on my secret blog.

The Dawn Of A New Era

2009-08-27T19:47:00.000-05:00

It's been a while so let's get right into it. Keri was so happy and surprised when she saw her new room. She actually had tears in her eyes when she hugged me and thanked me. We have been really busy getting into the new school year. There have been some changes with Keri going to middle school this year, and Melissa skipping a grade. Yes, I said she skipped a grade.

She enrolled herself in summer school and paid for it with her own money. This gave her enough credits to be a senior this year. I confess that I feel unprepared. There will senior pictures, prom, yearbook, senior trip and all that jazz. How we are going to pull this off I haven't figured out yet.

Keri made a few requests as she embarked on her middle school journey, which I will now list.

1. She would like permission to wear eyeliner.

2. She would like to be allowed to have boyfriends.

3. She would like her bedtime extended to 9:30.

I responded with the following proclamations:

1. She may not wear eyeliner, she only 11 years old.

2. She may not have a boyfriend, she is only 11 years old.

3. Her bedtime will not be extended to 9:30 because she has to get up 30 minutes earlier this year to catch the bus. ~~That and I don't want my one hour of me time intruded upon.~~

On to other things. So have any of you heard of Fung Shei? Well I don't necessarily believe in it but I would like to make an observation. I listen to a radio show on my Ipod out of Charlotte, NC. Once a month they have a guest by the name of Ellen Whitehurt who provides a monthly Fung Shei report. One month, she was giving advise about how to bring men/women into your life. She said that if you are a woman and your bedroom is really girlie, it will repel men. I thought it was a lot hogwash.....until I moved Keri and all her girlie stuff out of my bedroom.

Ladies (and gentlemen if there are any left) the men have been coming out of the freakin' woodworks. Do you hear me? Now, I am not conceited, but I am here to tell you that I have been hit on more in the last couple of months than I have in..well a really long time. I don't know if it really has anything to do with the room change, but who am I to say? There have been men who are inappropriately old, there have been men who are inappropriately young. I swear I even got hit on by a father and son. It's really strange. I am going to post a more detailed account of some this stuff on my secret blog. This is all I really feel comfortable talking about here. I will say that I have made some new friends and I am enjoying my life more because of it. I find myself laughing......a lot.

Finally, one of the reasons for my prolonged absence boils down to this. Work has gotten really crazy. I pluck a computer all day at work, and frankly I have no use for sitting in front of a computer screen when I am home. I mean I don't get on the computer for ANYTHING. I am so lazy I even update my Facebook status from my phone. I have been reading other blogs, but I haven't been posting comments. It has been really great to hook up with some of you guys on Facebook. If anyone is not a Facebook friend, send an email to susiewrsthepants@aol.com and I will tell you how to find me. Good night all my little butt munches!

The Grand Finale

2009-07-05T15:14:00.000-05:00

I think Keri's room is coming along nicely. I posted some pics on my Facebook, but I wanted to put some here also. You know, cuz all of you peeps aren't Facebook friends....yet.

Remember this hideous, pitiful excuse for a light?

Voila! New light fixture.

I almost wanted this table and lamp for myself. Too cute.

Only one of the pillows is new. I recycled some pillows that Keri already had. They just happen to match all the new stuff.

What is a new room without pictures of your loving family?

This thing looked much better on the picture than it does unfolded. Maybe I should fill up with dirty clothes to fill it out. Nothing like a bin full of dirty laundry for a new room.

Keri's new dresser which I partially put together myself. Then I enjoyed a glass of wine and supervised my dad finishing the dresser. I made sure to instruct him on the proper way to tighten screws, since I'm such an expert now.

I include this final picture to demonstrate my extreme displeasure over the billions of push pins I found when cleaning all of her stuff out of the master bedroom. Push pins have therefore been permanently banned from this house. They pose a danger to my feet, fingers, and the well being of my vacuum cleaner. I hereby declare and decree that all push pins found in my home will immediately receive the death penalty.

Oops I Did It Again...And Again....And Again

2009-06-22T08:00:00.000-05:00

This has definitely been a week of mishaps. Yesterday especially, but go back a few days ago when my sister and Taylor came over to work on the new room for Keri. When it was time for a diaper change, sis realized that she didn't have any diapers in the diaper bag. We all stood around staring stupidly at each other trying to figure out what to do. Since it was a poopy diaper, she cleaned him up. Taylor promptly stood up, walked a few feet, squatted and then did his business.....on my living room floor.

I talk about my brilliant mind all the time. Once again, my super smart self didn't let me down. I know, let's go to the store and buy some freakin' diapers. While I was gone, Taylor proceeded to "mark" his territory and I don't mean with urine. By the time Melissa and I got back with the diapers, my sister had moved him to the bathtub to prevent any further "marking".

This is the kind of thing that happens to all of us that we are ashamed of. I know I have mentioned instances where I forgot to send money for a field trip, or the time I forgot it was my day to send snacks for Keri's class. I heard an interesting segment on the radio a few days ago. The discussion was about what it takes to be a mom. The speaker was telling a story about being in a Starb*cks getting coffee. She saw a dad standing in line with one of those baby snuggly things. Of course there was a baby in the snuggly thing. A strange reached over and tapped him on the shoulder and told him what a good dad he was. Are you kidding me? All it takes to be a good dad is to hold your child while you stand in line waiting for a caffeine fix? Who knew.

I am NOT knocking on dads here OK. I am so lucky to have two wonderful dads in my life. I am a daughter to both of these men. I love them and they love me. Both are seemingly comfortable with my relationship with the other.

Dad-gummit I didn't mean to get sidetracked about that. Sorry. So last night I was trying to hang the curtain rod for Keri's room. It did not go well. I couldn't get the hole started with the screw. I dropped the screws too many times to count. I was a little irate. I mean, I single handedly put together that TV stand. Remember? The one that took me 8 friggin hours to put together. After that, I should be capable of assembling most anything.

Finally I got the curtain rod up. I mumbled under my breath as I worked. The curtain was the final nail in the coffin for yesterday. Hours before that, I was helping my sister activate a replacement cell phone. Somehow, I managed to cut the service off of my phone, and transfer it to her phone. I have NO IDEA how I managed to do that. I couldn't do it again if I tried.

I was very humiliated as I spoke to the customer service rep and told him what had happened. I made sure to point out that I had successfully activated MANY phones without needing assistance or having to go the actual store. Thankfully he was a very nice rep. I also made sure to point out how confusing it can be when you have FOUR cell phones under your account. He chuckled and agreed. Then he told me about how his daughter had done the same thing. Somehow, I wasn't very comforted.

I also managed to knock little Taylor on his butt. My sis invited me over for dinner. I had stepped outside to tell her man that dinner was ready. I went barging in the back door, completely unaware that little Taylor was right behind the door. Oh the shame. The guilt.

I know that none of these things are really a big deal. Put them all together and I am a bumbling idiot. I don't know how I manage to dress and feed myself some days. Any of you have days like that?

SSSHHHHHH.... It's A Surprise!

2009-06-21T09:04:00.015-05:00

This is a post about Keri's new room

Really, I promise...but first, a pic of my adorable nephew Taylor. His mother is a painter. A professional one. Let me take a minute to tell you about his mother. She was in an emotionally abusive relationship for eight years.

That's hard to believe looking at her happy face. Eight years and two kids later, she got out. Around the same time, she started her own business. She had been painting for years as an hourly painter. She bravely decided to venture out on her own.....with two small children to care for. She secured a place to live for her and her two boys. Long story short, she made it. She began to heal from this terrible relationship, and moved on. Hence, adorable little Taylor

Her painting business is successful, and she is very good at it. Me being the thoughtful and considerate sister that I am, I am giving her a free plug. ~~Which I should do anyway, seeing as how she painted Keri's new room for free~~

Now, on to Keri's room. We live in a three bedroom house. When we moved in, one of the bedrooms was already occupied. (Don't ask, it's a complicated story) Anyway, I had to share a room with Keri. It was only supposed to be temporary. Well, temporary turned in to four years. Four years of me having to share bedroom space with a total slob.

As Keri gets ready to embark on her journey through middle school, I feel that continuing to share a room with me would be, well emotionally debilitating to her. I had been trying to figure out what to do for quite a while.

Then suddenly a brilliant idea just popped right into my head. ~~OK I got the idea from someone else~~ We have an empty room. Why not turn it into a bedroom. The biggest problem with the room is that it has no doors. So, how do I close off a room with two entryways, with one of the entry ways being a double entryway?

Duh!!! Put up some doors. While this is not the best solution, it was economical, and it will get Keri out of my hair. I will have an adult bedroom again. Oh the joy, the happiness. With a solution in place, we commenced to the remodel project.

Taylor was very helpful as you can see. Did I mention that Keri is out of state visiting relatives? Did I mention that she has NO IDEA what we are up to while she is gone? I love a surprise! Incidentally, I did not steal my idea from HW's blog. Really, I promise. Although I confess I do believe we communicate telepathically as I mentioned to her.

See this hideous chandelier with only one bulb burning? Well, I have purchased a new fixture, I just haven't figured out who I am going to con into installing it for me.

Taylor continued to offer his support throughout the entire painting project. Here he is showing me the proper way to wear a bowl on your head. Very important details you know.

Here he is showing me how to avoid getting paint on the floor by holding the paint brush AWAY from the floor. Very educational.

Keri's bedspread pattern

Do you know how hard it is to hold up a pillow sham and take the picture yourself? Well, it's not easy.
I chose the blue and white shears because I didn't want to go overboard with the green and lavender.
This is where we are as of today. The room has been painted, two of the doors have been installed, the bed frame is up, and the curtain is hung. We still have to finish the bed, get a dresser, finish the trim paint, and install the final door. So far, this project has cost me about $265.00. Pretty good huh?

No Power Tools For Me

2009-05-26T20:54:00.000-05:00

Happy Memorial Day......one day late. I took off Friday so that I could have a nice four day weekend, and work on some projects around the house. Friday morning I got up promptly at 6 am. I took Keri to school and then headed out to buy some gardening tools. The three years in college and a six month stint at the DSJ left my yard in shambles. No weeds had been pulled, no bushes trimmed, nothing. For two years. It's shameful, I know, but I had to prioritize. You know, do school work or pull weeds. I picked the school work.

So I spent the ENTIRE day pulling weeds, clipping bushes, cleaning, and just generally trying to turn my yard into something semi acceptable. It took all day. I do mean ALL FRIGGIN DAY. It was dusk when I finally decided I had enough.

Saturday, a birthday party for my nephew. Which turned into an all day event.

Sunday was devoted to grocery shopping and cleaning the house.

(Bear with me I'm leading up to something here)

Yesterday was the big day.

I started with this.

And this. Sadly, per the instruction manual, I was unable to use my power drill. Oh well, there is always next time.

I think it probably took me an hour just to get this done. Someone who shall remain nameless...~~Dejah Belit Jackson~~ was SUPPOSED to come and help me but NNNNNOOOOO. I had to do this all alone.

Somehow I found the strength to go on.....ALLLL ALONE.

See that white edge directly above this print? I put the shelf on backwards then I had to take it apart and fix it.This is why I have no business doing these sort of "projects".

Alas I plunged forward into the world of screws, do- hickeys and slabs of wood. This took a really long time. Really, I'm not being sarcastic.

I did this all by myself. I can't believe it. If someone who shall remain nameless ~~Dejah Jackson~~ would have showed up, I could have finished in half the time. (I think)

Let's stop and take a moment to observe what a disorganized heathen I am. Can you believe this came out my old one? I can't. I'm still sort of shocked.

I am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel by now. I am also getting very bored with the whole I-can-do-it-myself-independent-woman-who-needs-your-help-anyway syndrome.

Oh ye of little faith. Did you think I couldn't do it? Well I didn't think I could do it. As a matter of fact, this baby sat in my living room for a week before I was brave enough to attempt this. I did open the box once. When I saw the giant bag of screws, nails, and other metal thingys, I was so overwhelmed I put the bag of screws back in the box and didn't look at it again for a week.

It was worth it.

Eight hours later, it was worth it. Count them I said eight. As in one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.

When I put my new 42 inch, LCD, flat screen TV on that baby, it was so worth it.

Now when I can't afford to go out, I will at least have my TV. Yes, I said eight hours for me to put that thing together. I will say that the instructions were some of the best instructions I have ever read. There were even "actual size" pictures of the various screws, which came in handy cuz I am mechanically challenged. Still wish I could have used my power drill.....sigh

Going Blue (Instead of Green)

2009-05-22T07:44:00.008-05:00

I have been meaning to get around to this post for a couple of weeks now. You know how that goes. A couple of weeks ago, in the checkout lane at Wally World, I noticed they are selling Earth friendly, reusable shopping bags. What the heck, I thought. Shamefully, I cant think of anything else I am doing to help the planet. I don't think our town offers a recycling service where they pick it up at the curb. I must interrupt and note that this is not a "brag on myself" post.

I bought four of these bags.

Let me tell you what I love about these bags. I bought four of them, and ALL my groceries fit into the four bags. Which means two things, one-the back of my Toyota is not nearly as packed when I load the groceries. Two-less trips to and from the car to get the groceries into house. Third-I am making a small contribution to help the planet. The bags only cost 50 cents a piece.

They also had this little number which I love also.

This is...well, a shopping bag in a bag. It fits neatly into your purse, and is very handy when you are just picking up a few things. I use mine when I go the drugstore.

This is what it looks like unfolded. It only takes a few seconds to fold it back.

Oh, I almost forgot. It also has one of those handy clips that attaches to your key ring.

If you are an impulse shopper (like I have been known to be) this is perfect. You know how you go into a store for one thing, and you end up with an armful of stuff. Come on, you know who you are. This bag is perfect for those trips. AAAANNNDDDD, you don't have to touch the germy, disgusting, God-knows-what-they-have-on-them baskets.

So, in conclusion, I urge you run out and buy yourself some of these wonderful bags posthaste and forthwith. ~~So I won't be the only one surrounded by blue bags.~~ So you too, can help our planet.

Here We Go Again

2009-05-13T21:51:00.000-05:00

Well, I'm in trouble....again. Have I done anything to deserve this new trouble plaguing my life? No. Unless breathing is cause for trouble to rain down on my head. Keri is getting pimples....at ten and a half years old. Keri has to wear a bra, and seemingly has outgrown the ones she had, causing me to have to buy her new, BIGGER bras. Keri doesn't want to wear anything "girly". What is this trouble? I think it's obvious. Keri is heading straight for that pre-teen era. A black abyss in which it will be years before I see the bright rays of sunshine again.

Today she slammed the door in retribution to something her sister said. Slammed the door. She hasn't slammed a door since she was four or five. When she was little, that's what she would do if I made her angry. She would stomp off to her room, slam the door, and declare in her little girl voice that she was "NEVER speaking to me again.......EVER!!!!!!!"

I ignored that behavior and it didn't last very long. Melissa's early teen years were no picnic. I remember them somewhat clearly despite my feeble attempts to forget all about that dark time. Yet here I am again facing all all the same trials and tribulations, but it seems to me that it's coming earlier with Keri. I mean EVERYTHING. This new body that is slowly starting to emerge. The pimples. Good Lord, I don't think I had a pimple until I was at least 13. What's up with kids these days? Not to mention the fact that I think she is tall for her age. Everyone seems to think so.

She is obsessed with peace signs now. Shirts with peace signs on them, earrings in the shape of the peace sign, whatever she can get her pre-teen hands on. And recent haircut? I think an obvious beginning to the three or four years of "anti-girly" I am in for. She recently asked me if she could start wearing makeup. I told her ~~not over my dead body~~ that she will have to wait until she is a little older. Melissa went through this stage. The one where the ONLY thing you get on her were T-shirts and jeans. God forbid you should come near her with anything that even had the hint of a ruffle or lace. She rejected feminism and everything is stands for. I didn't have the sense God gave a billy goat. She knew everything, I knew nothing. She was sassy, and hormonal. Throw a move to another state in the mix, and let's just say that my life was.....well....hell.

Despite saying all that, Melissa was not as difficult as I anticipate Keri being. I think all has to do with personality. Keri has been a drama queen since conception. Keri has always been a people-pleasing follower. I have begun to drill it into her head that she can't always do what everyone else wants her to do. I am taking offensive action people. I am going to meet this new phase head on. After all, I have years of experience behind me now. I am not the beginner I was with Melissa. I have strategies people. I am a seasoned veteran of these pre-teen games in which I am finding myself slowly becoming immersed in.

This Friday is the dance at the middle school welcoming all the upcoming sixth graders. I am ready people. My plan of action is in place. I have thought it through very carefully. I have plotted and schemed. I plan to sit in front of the school, wearing dark sunglasses. I will shamelessy peer through a pair of binoculars and pray with all my might that not. one. boy. dares to even glance sideways at my daughter.

Yep, I'm clever, calculating.....and breaking into a cold sweat just thinking about it.

Making Mother's Day All About Me.....Me, Me, Me

2009-05-10T17:07:00.001-05:00

Seeing as it's Mother's Day, I thought I would reflect on stuff that's....well, motherly. At present, all is peaceful and serene in my little household. The girls and I went grocery shopping today. I cleaned out our vile and disgusting microwave. It looked like it hadn't been cleaned in ~~months~~ weeks. I was thinking about Thursday morning.

It started out like any other Thursday morning. I got up and got ready and made sure Keri was doing the same. After I finished getting ready I went into the kitchen to make my lunch for the day. As I slapped some mayo on a piece of bread, I heard an extremely loud, girlish scream. I mean a really blood curdling scream, worthy of any scary movie ever produced. Several things happened all at once. Fear and alarm coursed through me instantly. At the same time, the logical, sensible part of my brain was trying to figure out what could cause such a scream. I mentally went through a short list. An intruder, a snake maybe, or it could be a mouse.

I also thought it was strange that even though the screaming continued, Keri never came running out of the bathroom. I went around the bar and headed for the bathroom. I met Keri at the bedroom door. She had fresh tears in her eyes. " Mom, there was a spider on my pants, a big, ugly spider. I don't know where it went". This was said with all the seriousness and hysteria that only a ten year old girl can feel. I still don't know why she took her pants off instead of just knocking the spider off.

I spotted this monter demon of a spider (which in all actuality was the size of your typical house spider) and quickly grabbed the nearest shoe I could find. Then, entirely for Keri's benefit, I gave that spider a beat down like it had never seen. (Or ever will see, seeing as how I killed it)Of course even after I beat the tar out of it, sending little spider legs flying in all directions, Keri asked, "Are you sure it's dead?"

My lips twitched as I fought off a smile, or a laugh. I knew at this point that if I laughed at her while she was still traumatized, she would be very upset with me.

It must be one of those "mother" things to be able to stand in your kitchen, hearing your child screaming at the top of her lungs, and still have the sense to be logical and try to figure out what the screaming is all about. All in a matter of a few seconds. I was very methodical in trying to narrow down the possibilities.

Melissa gave me cash for Mother's Day, per my request. She gave it to me early so I decided to go shopping yesterday. I couldn't make up my mind before I left the house on what I wanted to shop for. I decided just go browse around and see if anything spoke to me. Keri was gone and Melissa was working, so I was all by my lonesome little self. I started at Wal-Mart. It's the logical starting point because you kind find almost anything there. I walked through the store looking at household items, electronics, movies, and just about everything. Nothing really jumped out at me and said, "Buy me please, let me go home with you"

Not feeling defeated I headed over to Kohl's. Last week I bought a couple of towels there. I mean really big, fluffy, soft towels. The first time I used one, my eyes rolled back in my head and sigh of pleaure escaped my lips. I was thinking about buying a couple of more of these towels. You see, in my world, all the towels in the house can't be replaced at once. But they all sure to seem to wear out at once. I had always just bought whatever towels were cheap. No biggy right? They are just towels.

That was until I bought those fluffy, cloudlike towels last week. Knowing I still needed more towels to replace the old, raggedy ones, I was off. I did buy a couple more of those towels that surely came straight from heaven.

Over a year ago, my sister painted my living room, some of you will remember this. Since then I have yet to hang back ONE single picture on my wall. My walls have been unbearably...well bare. I spotted some frames that I liked and bought five frames, plus one cute decorative frame. Feeling really good about how I was spending my money, I headed home. You see, I have done NOTHING to decorate my living room in the last year. It just hasn't been one of my priorities.

I had some really old pictures, that have NEVER even been in a frame. So here are some of my choices. I'm not finished yet, by the way. I just didn't have enough cash to buy any more frames yesterday.

This a black and white of Melissa. I'm not even sure how old she was. My sister Marlette took the picture

Keri's second grade pic (Sorry for the glare off the camera)

I have to say that the black and white's taken by my sister are my favorite. It is such a joy to finally have them framed and on the wall.

This is an overview of the final result. I think they look pretty good considering we didn't have a tape measure

Anyway, I stopped on my way home and got some lunch. Later my sister Dejah came over and helped me hang all the pictures.

**************************************************************************

Due to some very careful financial planning and saving, ~~an unexpected financial windfall and the fact that there are five paychecks this month~~, I am going to buy a new TV in a couple of weeks. I am looking for a flat screen LCD. If anyone knows a good brand, please share. I am leaning towards a Vizio. I have heard good things about them, and the company is based out of California. I like that because my money will stay here in the U.S.of A.

Happy Mother's Day to all you mothers, HW, Farrell, Laura, Redneck Mommy, Jen over at Amazing Trips, Fiona Picklebottom, Kym and everyone else. Hope yours was great.

Cut It Out.....or Off

2009-05-02T23:10:00.000-05:00

Thursday was a big day for Keri. When Keri was five, she came to me with a very specific idea of how she wanted her haircut. I took her and let her get the haircut she wanted. I have always let my girls make their own decisions about how long or short to wear their hair. After all, it is their hair. Since then, she has NEVER had a real haircut. Only the occasional trim. So she just woke up one morning and decided she wanted a haircut.

So that was that. As we were walking out the door, I literally felt queasy. Her hair was REALLY long.

I think she was sort of freaking out. By this point, I was pretty resigned to what was about to happen.

And so the hair cutting began. Sniff.

She has the prettiest hair color don't you think?

When I saw this, I started feeling queasy again. Gulp.

At this point, Keri was REALLY excited. I have never seen a girl make such a big decision about her hair, then just completely embrace it the way she did.

Even THIS pile of hair did not freak her out in the least.

She was SO thrilled with the end result. She made a very good decision about the cut and style. Even I was extremely pleased with the way it turned out.

I love the layers. That was Keri's own idea and it turned out great.

All that hair gone. In just a few short minutes. Yep, I'm fine with it.........really!

How Melissa Rolls

2009-04-08T16:43:00.000-05:00

At the grocery store this past weekend:

Melissa: (In reference to Keri) "It would be so much easier if I could just fight her"

Me: Melissa! Do you really think beating up your little sister would solve anything?"

Melissa: "Well, you fought with your brothers and sisters and look how well things turned out for you"

I just don't even have a chance here do I?

And Again

2009-03-24T17:04:00.001-05:00

Another posting on the not-so-secret blog.

Update

2009-03-23T12:41:00.001-05:00

I have posted on the secret blog. It's short and to the point

Confessions Of A Semi-Shopaholic

2009-03-16T21:34:00.000-05:00

Melissa informed me a couple of weeks ago that she needed new clothes. Friday night I took her shopping where I work at my DSJ. I got 30 percent off this past weekend, so it seemed like a good time to go shopping. Usually the shopping scenario plays out like this:

I take one or both of the girls shopping. They pick out stuff they want. I pick out a couple of things for myself. I mentally calculate how much we are spending, then put my items back when I realize there wont be enough money for my stuff and theirs. NOT.THIS.TIME. It's so hard to work at DSJ and not yearn for the lovely spring clothes that are on the racks. The pretty pinks, lavenders, and other spring colors beckon to me. Yet, my ever practical nature always rises up to say, "Susan, you don't need anything. You can make it through another summer with the clothes you have from last year. Just get clothes for the kids. One day, you be will able to partake of all the spring glory around you". Only that day never seems to come. I always end up putting back my selections.

I went crazy this time. Oh yeah, I was a shopping freak. Melissa did get plenty of clothes. As a matter of fact, when I saw her puny selection, I sent her back to buy more!!! I don't think I have ever done that. By God, if I was going to spend all my money, I was going to do it up right. I wont be tacky and say how much we spent. But I will tell you that I will be feeling the effect of that shopping trip for a couple of weeks. Behold my spring glory.......

I love this purse. It's so cute!

These are mine....mine, mine, mine. Yay me!

So, after spending entirely too much money on Friday night. I kept a low profile for the rest of the weekend. If one must shop, one must be prepared to do penance.

Ur-Ine My Way

2009-03-12T20:27:00.000-05:00

This past week has not been a pleasant one. There have been several "incidents" this week. Seemingly minor mishaps, but still irritating. I just finished a six-day-in-row stint at my DSJ. Needless to say, I am glad it's over with. The first night I got a clue as to how the rest of my week would be proceeding. I will be detailing the events of my week in chronological order.

Night One: About the time I clocked in, I realized I needed to pee. I decided to get a few things done, then go to the bathroom. I just didn't want to clock in and then head straight for the bathroom. By the time I realized that I REALLY needed to go, more than an hour had passed. I run to the bathroom, yank open a stall door, drop my drawers and sit. Oh what relief. The trouble began when I stood up. I felt something wet all along the back of my legs and butt. Please, let it be water, let it be water. No, it was most definitely NOT water, I saw as I turned around and looked at the seat. Someone had pissed all over the seat.....and yours truly had sat right in it. USUALLY I am a squatter. I didn't squat this time because I had to go SO VERY BADLY. I wasn't right for the rest of the night. It makes me shudder just to think about it. It.was.so.disgusting. I swear as God as my witness, I will never sit on a public toilet again. Ever, ever, again.

Night Two: Night two was an uneventful night, but I didn't want to leave it out.

Night Three/Day Four: This totally sucked because I had to stay until 11:30 pm on night three, go home, "spring" my clock forward, and get up to be there when the store opened for day four. (Don't ya just love closing and then opening, if you ever worked retail?)

Night Five: I worked a 6-10:30 shift. When I got to my department, clothes were piled EVERY-FREAKIN' WHERE!!!!! All the fitting rooms were full of clothes, there were clothes in floor, there were clothes EVERYWHERE!!!! Did I say that already? Anyway, I spent four hours doing nothing but putting clothes away, and I had to have other employees from other departments help me get my department cleaned up.

The Grand Finale(aka Night Six): I am tired. I am cranky. I am sick to death of working DSJ. It has now been days and days since I had a day off. I am near to foaming at the mouth. The lazy ~~wench~~ employee who left all those clothes for me to clean up on night five is there. The managers comes by my department and tells me to head over to the jerk's department when I finish with mine. She still doesn't have all her clothes put away. It's now 8pm. She has been working for FIVE hours. She has been working for FIVE hours and her clothes are still not put away. Foaming at the mouth now progresses to full fledged Tasmanian Devil behaviour, complete with unintelligible mutterings and such. How to deal with the lazy ~~wench~~ employee is the question. I don't really want an out and out brawl. I decide be subtle. I went over to her department and asked her why she still had clothes that needed to be put away. She muttered a few excuses. I thought up a brilliant plan. ~~I am telling you, that college education is paying off in ways I never imagined.~~ I figured out that the wench is not really lazy, she just doesn't like putting clothes away. I help her do everything else, except put the clothes away. Ha ha ha!

Once her department was in reasonable order I mosy back over to my department. I see the store manager talking to her. Good, someone needs to set her straight anyway. She acts pissy towards me, but I shrug it off. I figure she is ticked because I didn't help her put those clothes away. A few minutes later she comes over to my department and accuses me of going to management and talking about her behind her back. It was on. I was NOT nice, and I was not quiet. I gave her a piece of mind which included the statement that "I am tired of cleaning up your messes". She just ASSUMED it was me. I am old enough to know that this is just petty crap, but I was not in the mood for it. It really irks my nerves when people expect you to do your work plus theirs. I am ashamed of losing my temper...yet again. I find that cold, controlled anger is much better than blowing a gasket.

I keep saying that I am much better about letting my emotions get the best of me, yet here again I lost my cool. Then to top all that off, Keri came to me crying last night saying she wants me to quit the DSJ. That pee was a sign. I knew as soon as I sat in it, I was in for a rough week.

Check Your Email

2009-03-04T14:23:00.001-06:00

Those of you who have emailed me, have now officially been invited to read the secret blog. Check your email

I REALLY NEED YOUR HELP!!!!!!!!

2009-03-04T11:57:00.000-06:00

I just can't stand it anymore. I need to talk to you guys about some stuff. I 'm afraid to talk about it on THIS blog. So, I will be posting to my secret blog. Please email me at susiewrsthepants@aol.com to be invited. And please do it, cuz I REALLY need some advice

I Got Six Inches Last Night.........

2009-03-01T20:28:00.000-06:00

of snow you perverts!!!

This was really exciting for us here in TN as we don't get snow very often. We usually don't get six inches either.

The weather forecast called for a "light dusting" or "minor accumulations". Needless to say, we were all ecstatic when we woke up to THIS today. I made sure to slip and fall right away. I was in the front yard taking this picture when I heard the phone ring. I ran inside and immediately slipped on the tile. The third time I slipped, I went down on my knees and broke my camera. Luckily, I was able to fix it.

Bear with me as I post these pics for posterity.

Well, what should you do when you wake up with six unexpected inches....of snow you freaks!!!

Keri thought it would be great fun to make a giant snowball. Not a snowman mind you, a snowball which her and Melissa named Billy. (Don't ask cuz I don't know)

I should have uploaded this picture before the finished snowball. Oh well. We didn't have much to do today, so we decided to bake a cake. This is our first attempt at a Pineapple Upside Down cake. It turned out yummy.

Hope you guys had a great weekend. Everything was smooth and quiet here. No problems or unexpected visitors.

To: Readers From: Melissa

2009-03-01T10:09:00.000-06:00

Many of you are curious to know what I think of my dad and how our visit went so I thought I would let you briefly into my world. I was not impressed that he just showed up. I don't like when people just "show up" and I felt like I was forced to see him because what kind of person would I be if I just made my dad leave after driving 8 hours to come see me. Although, I do have a mean streak like my mom, I'm not cold hearted. I was tempted to send him packing because I was furious. Also I do not like the fact that he apparently thinks he has "strong feelings" for my mom. Most kids want their parents to get back together but not me!!! I would rather go jump off the nearest bridge than see my parents get back together. I live with my mom for a reason! As far as how our visit went it just felt kind of awkward. Here is this person that is suppose to be my dad but it feels like talking to a stranger. How do you have a relationship with someone who doesn't even know who you are and hasn't been apart of your life? It's not that I don't want my dad to be apart of my life but I'm not used to him being a part of my life. He has been out of my life for so long that I almost feel like I don't need him. I'm 17 years old, I make good grades, I'm responsible and mature (not fully matured I know! I don't know everything I realize this!), I'm a hard worker, I don't do drugs, I don't get in trouble, and I'm as independent as a 17 year old can be so obviously I'm doing just fine without him so why on earth would I need him now? I am willing to forgive but it will just take some time to adjust to him being apart of my life if I ever do adjust to it.

Freaky Friday (I think I used this title before...oh well)

2009-02-28T12:33:00.000-06:00

February has been a really strange month for my family. Exes that I thought I left in the past have been popping up for no apparent reason, and without any instigation on my part. First Melissa's dad popped up in town on Valentine's Day. (Which was really icky in case I forgot to mention it) Let me share another "ex" misshap? incident? non-incident? I'm not really sure.

Thursday night I went to bed at 8:30. I had worked the DSJ Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday nights. Needless to say I was VERY tired. Before I went to bed I cut off my cell phone and told the girls to make sure everything was turned off before they went to bed. Because I went to bed so early, I started waking up REALLY friggin' early. I woke up the first time to what I thought was someone knocking on my front door. This was about 5am. I shrugged it off and tried to go back to sleep. A couple of minutes later I heard the knocking again.

This time I got up to investigate. We have a half moon window built into the front door. This allowed me to see that the screen door was open, and someone was definitely knocking on my door.At.5.am. Even in my sort of groggy state, I had my wits about me. Who in the world would be knocking on my door at that time of the morning? Now, because I invest a great deal of time watching TruTV, I am extremely paranoid about kidnappers, rapists, and murderers. I watch shows like Forensic Files, Cold Case Files, oh and Snapped on Oxygen. If you watch those shows, you are probably afraid to leave home without pepper spray, mace, or at least a really big kitchen knife.

My ~~obession~~ dedication to these shows has really enlightened me about all the crazy, deranged people walking around with the rest of us. Anyway, I knew I was not just going to open the door. I peeked out the blinds and couldn't see a thing. I spent a few seconds pondering what to do then came up with a brilliant plan. I called out, "Who is it?" loudly. Mad skills people, that's how I roll. No answer. I looked out the half moon window again and I could see that the screen door was shut. Whoever it was, they were gone.

I thought it was weird, but I put it to the back of my mind as the rest of the day progressed. In the afternoon I stepped away from my desk to get a soda. When I came back, I had a voicemail from Keri's stepmother. I listened to her voicemail and got a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. Apparently Keri's dad had gotten wind that he was being set up for a drug raid. The stepmother said that the rumor was that he had taken off and was heading towards Tennesse or North Carolina. Tennessee. Where I live with my two kids. My ex is a meth addict. Do you guys know anything about meth? Well, I do. It makes you violent, crazy, and paranoid.

I know without a doubt that it was him knocking on my door yesterday morning. I don't know anyone else who would be ~~stupid~~ crazy enough to knock on my door at 5am and just leave. Obviously, it wasn't a family emergency or something of that nature. I believe in God and I believe that he was protecting me. ~~That and my obsession with court TV shows.~~ Who knows how things would have played out if I would have opened that door. He could have tried rob us, or when I let him know that he is not welcome in my home, he could have become violent.I am so thankful that it really ended up being a "non" event. Poor Keri would have been traumatized. Or hurt. Or worse.

What is the deal? I am trying so hard to live my life peacefully and without contact with either one of my exes. Do I have a big sign on my forehead that reads, "If you are a desperate ex, feel free to contact me and get something from me anytime you want". It must also read, "If you are a drug addict feel free to take refuge in my home, you will always be welcome here. Even you are paranoid, violent, and/or crazy".

I mean really, I have NOTHING to do with these people. Keri's dad was in the picture until the drugs got a hold of him. Since then I tried to cut him out of her life. Her safety comes first. I am seriously considering installing a security system. Every time I heard a noise last night I was jumping. He has probably left the state by now. I hope. Lord I hope.

The Week In Review

2009-02-23T14:51:00.000-06:00

Melissa's visit with her dad proved to be boring at best. After the initial shock wore off, she agreed to spend some time with him. I left it completely up to her. He stayed overnight in a hotel, and they spent a few hours together on Sunday. I had to work, so I didn't see him, nor did I want to. I think she saw him because she felt bad that he had driven all the way up here. Otherwise I think she would have said no. He blew her phone up for a couple of days after that, but everything has been quiet the last week or so.

I would REALLY like to talk about everything that has been going on at work. I hesitate to put anything detailed on this blog. If it were a private blog, no problem. I will say that the pace has definitely picked up. I finished out the week having NOT completed all my work. It is a good feeling to be busy. Yet I miss "M" everyday. She was a mother figure to me, and a genuinely good person. It was really sad for her to go, yet I don't harbor any ill feelings towards the superiors in charge of making those decisions. I realize they did what they had to do.

Today I am at home having my DirectTV installed. I am sure those boys hate me. I bet they even make some kind of notes in their computers to NEVER come to this house again. What was supposed to be a simple installation has turned into a big hassle. For them anyway. They couldn't get the TV in the master bedroom to work. After several HOURS of investigation and trying different things, it was determined that the only way to get the TV working in the bedroom is to install a completely new line.

Do you guys remember my horrendous mouse infestation? Well let me tell you what the little buggers did. They chewed through the cable line that runs in the wall. I actually had our cable company out here a couple of months ago when the cable stopped working in that room. The cable repairman said that we needed to rewire the entire house for cable. I knew that was a crock, so I sent him on his merry way. I got a 30 dollar service charge added to my bill for that little escapade. These boys have done a wonderful job, kudos to them for working so hard to get me some TV in my bedroom.

I babysat my little nephew Taylor this weekend. He will be a year old on St. Patrick's Day. I want to talk about him for a few minutes. He is the CUTEST baby. Every time I spend time with him I try to teach him to say "Mama". I smile at him and say, "Ma-ma, Ma-ma. He is quiet for a few seconds and then says in a loud baby voice, "Da-da-da-da". I swear I think it is pure stubbornness. I also noticed that my sister has obviously been using "No" on him. I can tell because when he grabbed for my coffee cup and I told him no, he immediately yanked his chubby little hand back. He then proceeded to put one little index finger on the cup and looked at me to see what I would do. He was also licking? kissing? my coffee table. I hope my sister believes that dirt builds up their little immune systems.

When my sister asked me to babysit, I felt confident that I could handle an almost one year old baby. After all, I'm an old pro at this. I successfully managed to get two girls through babydom completely unharmed ~~for the most part.~~ Oh how the mind forgets. The mind forgets that babies so close to the floor can see every little speck of dirt on your floor, and they WILL try to eat it. The boy managed to get a popcorn kernel, a crusty, stale Cheerio, and he dumped over the cat's water bowl. And he's not even walking yet. Did I forget how fast they move? I was right there in the kitchen with him when he dumped over the water bowl. And what about my reflexes? Have they slowed so much over the years that I couldn't get to him before he decided to clean my kitchen floor with the cat's water?

I think God meant for me to have my children young. He knew I wouldn't be able to handle an infant full time in my thirties.

P.S. The Majic Jack is working out beatifully for our family. I like it and it works just fine. You can't beat it for around twenty bucks a year for the service. It does include voice mail, caller id, and call waiting. You do have to purchase the equipment, which is not unreasonable. If you are looking to cut expenses and are looking into getting rid of your home phone service, visit www.majicjack.com and check it out for yourself. Unlimited nationwide long distance is included. No, I am not a paid spokesperson, I just know a good deal when I see one and want to share it with others.

Icky Valentine's Day

2009-02-18T08:00:00.001-06:00

I have to tell you what happened this weekend. On Valentine's Day in fact. For the most part, I reject Valentine's Day and all it stands for. Why? Well duh.....cuz I'm single of course. I suspect if I had a boyfriend I still wouldn't make a really big deal about it, maybe go out to dinner or something. If I had a boyfriend I don't think I would go so far as to say I reject all it stands for, but I am single so we'll go with that.

Last week Melissa's aunt called me(her dad's sister). She called me on Melissa's phone because she didn't have my cell phone number. Anywho, she called to ask me how I would feel about Melissa's dad coming up here to see me. She also told me that he still has "strong feelings" for me. Maybe I'm cynical, but I find it hard to believe that someone who hasn't seen me in five years has strong feelings for me. Not only has he not seen me face to face in five years, we have been apart for FIFTEEN YEARS. Not fifteen months, fifteen years. He doesn't even know me. He doesn't know ANYTHING about the person I am now. He doesn't know that I have this blog, or that I have found that I really love to write. He doesn't know that I love to write about the irritating things that happen in life and how I try to find the humor in it (I do, don't I?) There many things about me that he has NO CLUE about. Therefore, I reject his statement that he has strong feelings for me. I submit to you four or five readers, that he is:

1. Desperate because he just seperated from his wife and has never really been single in his life.

2. Any strong feelings he THINKS he has are for the girl that I was 15 years ago, and not the woman I am now.

3. Crazy. Why? How in the world can I have any romantic feelings for a man who does not help raise his child emotionally or financially. (Which I told his sister BTW) I am really sensitive to this nowadays as I am working two jobs and possibly suffering from PMS.

I got completely sidetracked with my little tirade. Sorry. Anyway, I basically told her that I wasn't interested and left it at that. Saturday, she calls me again. We talked for a few minutes and then she dropped the bombshell. He was in my town. He had been in town all day. Melissa and I had no clue. I didn't want to see him. AT ALL. Melissa was upset and so was I. How dare he force himself on us like this! We didn't ask him to come here. Heck, we didn't even want him here. He has barely had anything to do with Melissa since we moved here.

I sucked it up for Melissa's sake. She felt bad about him driving all the way here. She didn't want him to leave without getting to see her. I relented and let him come to my sister's house.

I really have a problem with him trying to force his way into our lives for his own selfish purposes. It really pisses me off. (Could be the PMS...again, I'm not sure) I don't know how many different ways I can say NO. At least he doesn't have my phone number, that would probably send me over the edge.

Corporate Down Sizing, Well Sort Of

2009-02-17T12:17:00.000-06:00

Let's talk money, shall we? Earlier this week when I was home with Keri while she was sick, I decided to make good use of my time at home. I have been meaning to figure out ways to cut expenses. A couple of years ago, we signed up for a program through our cable company. We got digital cable, high speed internet, and home phone service for one hundred dollars per month. After the promotional period was over, our cable bill jumped to two hundred dollars per month. Isn't that crazy?

At that time I was still in school and things were pretty hectic. I just kind of shrugged off and didn't really want to deal with it. For some reason, I have these tendancies to choose a company and stick with them. I could use my cell phone provider or my insurance company for example. Since I am now paying on my student loans, and making monthly payments to the college for a course that was not covered, I really needed to get focused on cutting expenses. I am spending near two hundred dollars per month on my education.

I called our cable company to disconnect the home phone service. I also told them I was shopping for a better cable deal and did they have anything to offer me. No. Fine. I switched over to Direct for HALF of what we are currently paying for cable. AAANNDDD we get a free DVR upgrade.AAAANNDDD we get a receiver for three bedrooms plus the living room. For HALF what we were paying with the cable company.

My dad ordered me this wonderful device called a Majic Jack. If you haven't heard of it, I suggest you Google it. With Majic Jack, you pay for the software, then pay for one full year of service. Did I mention this is a landline service? Anyway, the total cost for a year of home phone service is roughly twenty dollars. As in PER FREAKIN' YEAR!!! It has caller id, call waiting and voice mail is provided. The really cool thing is, you get an email every time you have a voice mail. My dad bought the equipment and paid for our first year of service.

I figured this will save me about 530 dollars per year. It also includes nationwide long distance. We can talk to out of state friends and relatives to our little black hearts content. Now, the only down side as I see it, is that your computer has to be on for the phone to work. If you shut down the computer the phone wont work.

So far, these changes will save us about seventy dollars per month or 840 dollars per year. It's not much, but it's a start!

Temporary Immunity

2009-02-11T12:22:00.003-06:00

Well, it looks like I still have a job. A wonderful friend and coworker was let go. It makes me sad and relieved at the same time. Some job duties will be shifted. I will have to take on some new responsibilities, but I am still working. Thank You God. More details to follow later

I Thought Weekends Were Supposed To Be Fun

2009-02-10T07:31:00.046-06:00

I'm sick of winter. Really, really sick of it. Not because it has been a cold winter. Not even because the schools here actually closed due to the cold temperatures. Not because the cold forces us indoors most of the time. I am sick of winter because I am sick of illness. Earlier in the season, both girls got a stomach bug. I got a cold, then Melissa got a cold. Keri got a stomach bug AGAIN. She started vomiting Saturday night. Sunday night she spiked a fever. Monday she started coughing. This morning a sore throat.

What is the deal? Keri informed me that she really hopes that I don't get laid off because she is sick. I told her if I get laid off it wont be because she is sick. I told her that means that I was going to get laid off anyway. She is in the bed and I am home from work for the second day in a row. Yesterday I got quite a bit of the laundry caught up. I don't know what I will do with myself today. I wont be eating seeing as I have yet to make it to the grocery store.

So Friday I had to come home from work and give Keri some bad news. Her Grandpa Jim who lived in Michigan had a heart attack in his sleep and died. Grandpa Jim is her dad's dad. Grandpa Jim adopted Keri's dad when he was around 11. (I think.) Grandpa Jim was actually KD's uncle by marriage. At one time he had been married to KD's aunt (his mom's sister). He was a good man. It's hard to believe he is gone. It was the first time I had to tell one of my children that someone they were close to had died. It was really sad. Because of the distance, we wont be able to attend the funeral.

We had already made plans to go shopping for clothes. Did I mention that Keri hit another growth spurt and once again outgrew all her clothes? This time I was more prepared. This time I didn't believe I shrunk all of her clothes like the last time. I told Keri we didn't have to shop if she didn't feel up to it. She decided that she still needed clothes and went on shopping.

I was very pleased with the outcome of the shopping trip. Keri got six pairs of jeans and three shirts and a light jacket. I got a shirt, a pair of jeans, and a pair of pants for work. Melissa got two shirts. I spent $144. Plus I got thirty bucks in Kohl's cash. Yay for Kohl''s cash! Obviously it takes very little to excite me. We decided to eat dinner out. Melissa had driven her car separately.

When we arrived at the restaurant, Melissa had been crying. I don't know why. Saturday I had to work all day at DSJ. I was COMPLETELY exhausted by the time I got home. As soon as I walked in the door the phone was ringing. We were supposed to go to a birthday party at six. It was now 6:30. Dang. All I wanted to do was curl up on the couch but we went to the birthday party instead. I had already given my word that we would be there.

On the way there, Keri started complaining that she didn't feel well. By the time we were headed home, she was barfing in a bag. Sunday was pretty much a repeat of Saturday, minus the birthday party. Worked. Sick kid. Exhausted. Did not make it to the grocery store. Yesterday, stayed home with sick kid, still did not make it to the grocery store. Cupboards are bare, the frig is empty. Kid is sick. Still have no idea what's going on with the lay offs. I feel my sanity slowly slipping away..........

There Is No Shame In Admitting Defeat

2009-02-04T11:51:00.008-06:00

I have been sick for EIGHT DAYS. That’s EIGHT days of dealing with this nasty cold. Actually, it first started with a tickle in my throat on January 24th, which would technically make it 10 days. But who’s counting???? This morning was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I woke up feeling poorly (yet again) and my left eye was watering like crazy. That shortly turned into a burning sensation. Which evolved into light sensitivity in that eye.

As I was driving to work this morning, my nose started to drip…..and I had no tissue in the car. I frantically dug around with my bad eye squinted shut to block the light. I came up with a crunchy yellow napkin from the glove box. I shoved the napkin up my nose and my eye started to water yet again. I found my sunglasses and put them on over my glasses. That’s how I drove to work this morning, with a yellow, crunchy napkin shoved up my nose, my sunglasses on over my regular glasses with one red eye squinted shut. I am not bringing the sexy back. I would even go so far as to say that the sexy is not even on the same planet as me. Oh, did I mention I wore thermal underwear today? It was a whopping 15 degrees here, with a wind chill of 5 degrees…..that’s 5 degrees……in Tennessee. Yep, I am a walking billboard for sexiness.

I concede to this cold. I readily accept defeat. I wave my white flag of surrender. I knew I was done when I broke down in tears at my desk this morning. With mucus clogging my nose and my red, burning eye, the hacking cough and sore throat, I cried like the baby I am. Walk in clinic, here I come. See, surrender is not so bad. Now maybe I can get some good drugs.

The Runaway Mouth

2009-02-01T07:14:00.035-06:00

It's not very often that I lose my temper. I mean really lose my temper. You know, where you lose it and your mouth takes over and you have no control over what comes out of it. It takes a lot for me to get to that point. I used to have a really bad temper, but age and wisdom has mellowed me somewhat.

Friday night I worked at my DSJ. (Department Store Job). Friday night I was still feeling pretty miserable, but I went to work anyway. It was a good thing I did because someone else never showed up. I can admit that my tolerance level was pretty low. I went to the cash register to assist a customer with some jeans that were on sale. Or not.

We are running a special on a certain brand of jeans. Buy one pair at regular price and get the second pair for a buck. BUT.....this excludes discontinued styles. I explained to the customer that she had chosen a discontinued style, and that was why the jeans were not ringing up for a buck. This customer felt it necessary to berate ME for this setup.

You see, the discontinued styles are all mixed in with other jeans. This is not MY idea. This is not MY plan. It's just the way it is. As she was standing there reading me the riot act, I lost it. My whole body went numb and then my mouth took over. I looked at her and said, "I don't have any control over how the jeans are set up, I just work here. I'm just doing my job". My tone of voice was not friendly, I did not smile. I'm sure she could see the hostility on my face. She demanded to see the sign, which I gladly showed her. The poor cashier had this look on her face that said, "OMG! Someone is going to get hurt".

Here's the thing. I have NO desire to cheat someone out of a deal. What purpose does it serve? Did she REALLY think I was arguing with her because I actually don't want her to get a good deal? I know, it's not as if I cursed her out or anything. I know that the customer was not aware of the fact that I felt miserable. I know she was not aware of the fact that I had been working all day. SICK. Unfortunately, my mouth was not aware that she was not aware of my situation.

Luckily we have some really great managers who were very understanding of my plight. I have never spoken rudely to a customer, but I suspected this day would come. I know how I am. I also expected that I would get reprimanded or written up or something. It didn't happen.

Be kind to your department store workers. Remember we don't have any control over the store setup or what's on sale. I was able to clearly point out to her that those particular pair of jeans were not on sale. If you are mistaken or don't read the fine print of sale sign, man up. Take it gracefully. This woman didn't. She insisted on seeing a manager, who gave her the jeans for the sale price. I believe that's bad karma. She pitched a fit to get what she wanted. I wish I could do that.

I told one of the managers about it today. We were talking about karma and the theory that what comes around goes around. She told me a story about a man who stole a GPS system from our store. Directly after that, someone stole his wife's purse. Then he came back into the store and wanted us to call the police.He was told that we would call the police if he returned the GPS that he stole. That's what I'm talking about. No good can come from ill gotten loot I tell ya.

A Quick Update

2009-01-30T16:57:00.005-06:00

The company did not make the layoff announcements today. As far as I know it has been postponed another week. Joy! I just love suspense, don't you...

My Whine (Wine) Session

2009-01-29T16:43:00.010-06:00

I would like to start off by saying that I am a healthy person. I have never had the flu. I don’t get colds, stomach bugs, viruses or any other sort of ailments. I had my appendix out when I was 12. That was the most traumatic medical event in my life. I am blessed with a fantastic immune system. Germs don’t stand a chance in this body. I’m a mean, lean, germ resistin’ machine. The last time I was REALLY sick was almost five years ago when I got a bad case of strep throat.

Until THIS WEEK. This week, I have the worst cold I have ever had in my life. I went home early from work yesterday. I am sick during the week that 100 people will be laid off at my job. I couldn’t be sick last week when it didn’t matter if I was here or not. NNOOOOO, not me. I have to be sick THIS WEEK. Remember that lady that was blowing her nose at the minute clinic? The one that I said had bad manners? The one that I said should go to the bathroom to blow her nose? I have changed my mind. I finally gave up going to the bathroom every five minutes to blow my nose. It just wasn’t working out for me. I think people should blow their noses ANY PLACE they want. Karma people, karma. That’s exactly what I get for giving her such a hard time.

I went to the drugstore today during my lunch hour to stock up on tissue. I had to replace the ENTIRE box that I used in the office. I got a box to keep on my desk and a small package to carry in my purse cuz DANG!!!!! My nose is running like a water faucet. I had to blow my nose in the middle of the drugstore. Humiliation is my name, degradation is my game. Yes I LOVE to have my body leaking fluids and not have any control over it what-so-ever. I had no idea a cold could be so miserable.

The downside of having a fabulous immune system is that when some cold or virus manages to sneak in, it’s a doozy. I’m talking about stuffy, feverish, hacking up a lung sick. Not just a nice delicate sneeze here and there. Thank you dear readers for allowing me this time to whine. I don’t have a husband to whine to, so I hope you guys don’t mind. I think I need a nice, hot toddy. I’m not sure what’s in one, but it sounds good. I’m sure there is some kind of alcohol involved……….

Miss Manners

2009-01-27T15:00:00.004-06:00

I have been fighting off a cold. Today I decided to go to the “minute clinic” on my lunch hour. I was hoping to get in and out pretty quickly. That was a fantasy. There was only one patient in front of me. It was an elderly lady who was hacking up a lung. The lady sitting closest to me was her daughter. I waited, and waited. I was debating whether or not I was going to leave. The lady sitting beside me made my decision. She whips out a tissue and begins blowing her nose very loudly. It sounded like a lot was coming out. It was so gross and repulsive……and wet.. I got up and left.

Is it considered acceptable to just whip out a tissue and perform nasal decongestion on yourself? I find it to be disgusting and vile. I don’t want anyone to witness me blowing my nose, and I don’t want to see or hear anyone else doing it. Go to the freakin’ bathroom people. I must have a nose blowing phobia or something. The lady sat there and blew her nose, and then she apologized! How about go to the bathroom and then you don’t have to apologize for doing something completely revolting.

What is wrong with this country when we think the public blowing of our nasal cavities is perfectly acceptable to share with others? Don’t we have any manners? What’s next….public nose picking? I think a strongly worded letter is definitely in order.

Help!!!!

2009-01-26T20:00:00.000-06:00

I have been to ask around. I have taken a liking to cooking pancakes, eggs, and bacon on the weekends. My dilemma is that I don't have anything big enough to cook with. I end up taking forever to cook because I only have ONE pan that I use to cook the pancakes, eggs, and bacon. Is there some sort of fairly inexpensive griddle I can buy. I need something that will allow me to cook more than one pancake at a time. Seriously. It took forever for me to cook breakfast yesterday. Melissa informed me that I took too long. I informed her that if she doesn't like how long it takes to cook breakfast that she can make it herself next time.

No News Is.....No News

2009-01-26T11:44:00.000-06:00

I cleaned out all my personal files. I organized all of my work files. I am considering removing my personal photos from my desk. This way if I am laid off, I can get out of the building that much faster. I prefer that my co-workers not witness my uncontrollable sobbing. It is very quiet and somber around here. I see more grim faces than happy ones. I walk around wondering which faces will be gone soon. I wonder if mine will be one that is gone. We know it’s coming. Company officials are not even trying to keep it under wraps.

The rumor is that 30% of us company wide will be laid off. That’s approximately 111 employees. The decisions will be made later this week. If I am not laid off, I wonder how my role within the company will change. Will I take on more responsibility? Will I be demoted and forced to resume doing payroll again? That’s not the worst thing that could happen to me.

The worst part is feeling guilty. I feel guilty because I don't want to be the one who gets laid off. Let's just be honest. I really hope it's not me. Not that I have someone I would RATHER see laid off, I just don't want to be let go.But in order for it NOT to be me, it will have to be someone else. That makes me feel rotten.

I have been hearing about the “bad” economy for a while now, yet it didn’t seem to really have any impact on my life. Truthfully the economy had nothing to do with my getting the DSJ. I got the second job because I felt the squeeze of student loan payments. (And the squeeze of supporting a teenager. It’s like supporting another adult)

Now the economy is in my face. I see it all around me in the faces of the people I work with. I see it when I think about the WCS (worst case scenario). Sure it’s a bummer, but I have to get ready. As ready as a single mother with no savings can get ready. I have to think about the possibility of losing my house, car, and livelihood.

I have done everything within my power to prepare myself. Now all I can do is sit back and wait. If I drank, I would ask for donations of LARGE quantities of alcohol this week. Extremely large quantities.

Confessions Of A Non Saver

2009-01-23T08:33:00.000-06:00

OK here's the scoop. As of yesterday I still have a job. I heard through the rumor mill that more employees may be let go today. I gave one of my co-workers my cell phone number. I told her to call me if anything happens in our department today. I took a vacation day so I could you know, relax. That's how it started out anyway. I now have a list of chores and errands that must be done today, because I am working at the DSJ all weekend long. I have to pick up two W2 forms, finish Melissa's taxes, grocery shop, get my haircut, pick up a present and ice cream and soda for my nephew's first birthday party tonight at seven. Yet here I sit, at the computer in my pj's and bathrobe. I digress.

Did I ever mention the strain of raising children on one income? I'm sure many of you face these challenges also. I get no financial help from anyone. NO ONE. Which means that every time I get a little money socked away, you can guarantee there will be some emergency or something with the kids that HAS to be taken care of. Which means I have no savings. Not only do I not have any savings, now I could lose my job.

Providing I actually am lucky enough to keep my job, saving money will be my number one goal for this year. The fear of losing your job will light a fire under your a$$ like nothing else will. I should be prepared. I have always heard that you should have enough money saved to pay three months of your bills in the event of an emergency or illness, or GETTING LAID OFF FROM YOUR JOB!!!! I always felt this was important, but I have never gotten around to it. I have no one to blame but myself. When I was getting pretty large tax refunds, I should have saved that money. But no, it's gone. I have used it to pay off bills in the past, but never really saved any of it.

As God as my witless, I WILL begin saving money. Provided we don't end up living in a cardboard box under a bridge. Now that I have the DSJ, there is no reason for me NOT to start putting a little money away. Shame on me for not taking care of this sooner. I am expecting quite a decrease in my tax refund this year. Melissa turned seventeen last year, so I lose the thousand dollar tax credit for her. Also, I didn't pay in much tuition because I only took two college classes last year. I am losing money there. I also increased my income because of the second job. All of these factors will contribute to a substantial decrease in my refund. Barring any emergency, whatever money I get back, WILL BE PUT INTO SAVINGS.

As much fun as it is to sit here and make declarations, chores and errands call. I'll keep you posted.

Fear Has Replaced The Fury

2009-01-22T16:21:00.001-06:00

Times are hard in this country. Everyone knows that. Some of us know it and hear about it, but we don’t actually have to live it. For the moment, I’m one of those people. I am fortunate to have not one, but two jobs. I offer my view of the economic crisis, recession, or whatever you want to call it.

Yesterday I was a quivering mass of fury. Today I am humble, busy, quiet, and willing to do whatever ridiculous task may be required of me. As I entered the building this morning, I couldn’t help but notice how quiet it seemed. Shrugging it off I headed to the break room to put my breakfast and lunch away. As I was settling in for the day, one of my co-workers came over and gave me the news. Two members of the office staff have been let go. One was the manufacturing vice president. The other was the head of our maintenance department.

I felt sick to my stomach. How awful. One of them had been with the company for SIXTEEN years! He is gone, just like that. Can you imagine having to go home and tell your family you lost your job? Obviously seniority was not a factor in the decision-making. I am scared. I won’t just sit around and wait for this to happen to me. I am already strategizing on how the bills will get paid should I find myself out on the street. It’s scary, but I could very well be next. It seems no one is immune from the mess our country is in. If the VP of manufacturing can lose his job, so can I

Great Balls Of Fury

2009-01-21T08:00:00.000-06:00

I have found that the only way for me to successfully keep up with my blog, is to pre-write them. It makes things so much simpler. Most of the time, I type them on a Microsoft Word document from work and paste it. Then I schedule it to post for a future date and/or time. The events that are about to be shared with you, occurred today which is Monday. My two readers will not see this until Wednesday, when I will be much calmer.

MEN: I discuss PMS, so if that creeps you out, get lost. I’m not in the mood to be nice. (Can’t you tell?)

I used to be known for having a short fuse. My ability to snap is only surpassed by my two older brothers, both of whom are pretty temperamental. (Sorry guys, it’s the truth) As the years have passed it seems I have mellowed somewhat. Yet I still find myself barely able to control my temper during certain times of the month. It began about four or five months ago. I am using the Mirena, which so far has been great. It reduced my moodiness considerably. Until recently that is. The last few months I find myself feeling more and more moody, but only at my “special” time of the month. (That sentence makes me giggle to myself)

This morning I turned into a quivering mass of fury over something that was basically not a big deal. Yet I ranted and raved like it was the biggest thing since the sinking of the Titantic. I was barely able to keep myself from spewing forth evil from these lips like you have never heard. At least not on my blog. The PMS coursing through my veins like venom from a King Cobra.

I was worried about Melissa ruining the family name a few days ago. If you knew what was going on in my head today, it would denigrate my family name beyond repair. Even now I can still feel the fury simmering inside me like stew in a crock pot. (Doesn’t that sound good by the way?)

I HAVE to get a grip on myself. Truly. A temper fit like that could cost me my job. It’s a tough job market out there. The only thing that makes any sense to me, is that as times goes on, the hormones being released into my body are depleting, thus my true nature is revealed. Well, at least my true nature during that “special” time.

T-R-O-U-B-L-E

2009-01-20T08:00:00.000-06:00

Did I tell you about the impending disaster? Of course not, I can barely remember my own name. The department store where I work gives employee discounts. They also give discounts to charge card holders. So, what that means is that I can use my employee discount and combine it with the other discounts. For example, we have scratch off days. Scratch off days are where if you come into the store and use your charge card, you get to scratch off a sticker for an additional 15, 20, or 30 percent off. Plus I get to use my employee discount. This means I could save as much as 45 percent. 45 PERCENT. Can you believe that?

I could really save a good deal of money on clothing my children. Or maybe a new purse for me. Or maybe a new pair of shoes for me. Or maybe a really cute pair of earrings.

I think I'm going to be in serious trouble. Pray for me........please.

I forgot to mention that I actually hit some of the clearance sales after Christmas. One of the things the girls gripe about is the fact that we never decorate the outside of our house for Christmas. I never have money to spend on outside decorations. I would rather spend the money on the kids. This year I went to a couple of different stores and I racked up. At Wal-Mart I got:

4 boxes of icicle lights(for the outside of the house)
2 boxes of changeable lights for the tree
4 Christmas place mats
1 Christmas table runner
gift boxes
wrapping paper
red and gold ornaments for the tree
a new tree topper
window clings

Guess how much it was? TWENTY THREE dollars!!!!! OH YEAH, OH YEAH. We will have outside lights next year. Now if I can only figure out how to put them up.............

Disrespect Via Text

2009-01-19T08:00:00.000-06:00

Let's explore the world of the exclamation point , shall we? In this new age of texting, I think puncuation is very important. Especially when one is texting one's teenage daughter. I had to work last night and Melissa had gone to hang out with some friends. As the time for me leave drew near I sent her a text, which read:

My text: u know i have to work 2nite right?

Melissa: yes mom at 6!

What does this exclamation point say to you? To me, it says ATTITUDE. How dare she exclamation point me! Who does she think she is anyway? I think the text she sent me should included a nice smiley face at the end. Let's see how that looks:

My text: u know I have to work 2nite right?

The hypothetical Melissa text: yes mom at 6 :)

See, that looks much better.

Later I sent her this text:

My text: no exclamation points EVER!!!!

You too should ban your children from giving you the exclamation point. I mean what comes after that? Them giving you the finger.......

Was I Always This Wimpy?

2009-01-18T15:27:00.001-06:00

Today my daughter made one more step in crossing the threshold into being a "big" girl. It brought tears to my eyes which I had blink away, otherwise be humiliated in a public place. Keri and I set off to Wal Mart this afternoon in search of food for our empty cupboards. Keri had her cell phone so I gave her permission to look around a bit. I did instruct her to scream, hit, bite, or punch anyone who might try to steal her away.

I told her I would be up and down the food isles. A few minutes later she called me to tell me that ear piercing is FREE with the purchase of a pair of earrings. It's something we have talked about but never gotten around to. Maybe deep down I didn't want her to get her ears pierced. I stopped mid grocery shopping to go over to the jewelry counter and see how serious she was. She was pretty serious, and scared out of her mind. She was so afraid her hands were shaking. I told her if she really wanted to get her ears pierced that I would let her.

I swear the kid just about passed out from fear. As the very nice Wal Mart employee neared her head with that gun, she shrank away in fear. This lady was not about to be thwarted. She smoothly and quickly poked a hole in each one of my daughter's ears. I could feel that this was a big moment in her ten year old life. I could feel that this was a big moment in my 33 year old life. What's next I ask you? Puberty, pimples and boys are right around the corner. Do I HAVE to go through this yet again? I finally feel like Melissa is in the clear and past the hating me stage. I think we have a pretty close mother-daughter relationship. Now Keri will begin slipping away from me for a few years.

Sure it might not happen today, but it will happen. What's fair about your kids growing up? Nothing much I tell you. You nurture and love them for all those years. Then one day you are just expected to cut those apron strings and release them into the world, having little or no say in the choices they make. I know they will both still be my daughters, but my control over their lives will be gone. They will be free to make their own stupid choices, when clearly I will still know what's best for them. Ear piercing is just the beginning, I can feel it. Where is a nice big bottle of liquor when you need it?

Called Out By The Lunch Lady

2009-01-16T13:13:00.000-06:00

Another sign I am frazzled: The lunch lady suggested to Keri that she needs a free lunch application. Why? Because I never seem to remember to send a check.........

Lazy Days of Winter

2009-01-16T08:00:00.000-06:00

Do you remember the story about the mother hen? The one where the mother hen worked very hard to make fresh, homemade bread for her family? The short version goes something like this:

Once upon a time there was a mother hen who wanted to bake some fresh bread. None of her offspring would contribute anything to the process of making the fresh bread. You know, planting the wheat, chopping it down, grinding it into flour, blah blah blah. When it was all said and done, the mother hen told the children they could not have some of her freshly baked bread. She told them they didn’t help her make it, so they could not partake of the bread. The little hens became very sad. The mother hen then changed her mind and allowed the small to have some of her very fine bread.

This is my story:

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away(in Tennessee) there lived a mother hen who worked two jobs. At first, her baby hens were very mindful to help out around the house. They would clean, take out the garbage, wash dishes, and various other household chores.

As time passed by, the children began to help out less and less around the house. Yet the mother was STILL working two jobs. The laundry piled up so much that the mother had to wear dirty clothes to work. The bathroom hadn’t been cleaned in weeks. Dishes were in the living room. The floor hadn’t seen a vacuuming in quite a while. This turn of events stressed out the mother hen. She began to feel frazzled and even wrote about it on her blog. Pretty soon payday rolled around. The children, I mean baby hens (chicks?)….came running to the mother hens with their little grubby hands opened, wanting some of that cold, hard cash. Guess what the mother hen did. She calmly looked at her lazy offspring and then said, “Sorry SUCKAS!!!!!! You ain’t getting any of this loot”. Then she went out and bought herself a new outfit and treated herself to lunch, leaving the sad, lazy, miscreant children at home. The End.

No, really, she didn’t change her mind and give the children some of her hard earned cash. She spent it ALL on herself.

Frazzled(and Butt Vibration-No, it's not what you think)

2009-01-15T12:11:00.001-06:00

I am frazzled. I realized I was frazzled yesterday. I wanted to deny that I was frazzled. Earlier in the week when I forgot to put mousse in my hair, I thought I was just forgetful. When I did the SAME THING yesterday, I realized I MIGHT be a little frazzled.

When I had to dig through the laundry basket and wear pants that haven’t been washed, I knew it was getting serious. Another symptom of my affliction is the inability to remember what day it is. More often than not, if I try to recollect what day of the week it is, I draw a blank. If I didn’t have a calendar with my work schedule on it, I fear I would get fired. I would never know which days I am supposed to work. As it is, I usually have write down my schedule for upcoming weeks multiple times. I will write it down. Then when I go to transfer the info to my calendar, I wont be able to find where I wrote it down. I will rewrite the schedule and repeat the same process again.

I am suffering the consequences of my decision to not do anything last Saturday. My laziness created a domino effect on the rest of my week. I worked an eight-hour shift on Sunday, I got nothing done. Monday I was off from DSJ (Department Store Job) but had to make dinner and grocery shop. I got nothing else done. So here it is Thursday morning and I have to dig out dirty clothes to wear.

Melissa and Keri came by DSJ last night. Keri wanted to know if I always walk that fast when I work my second job. I told her that yes I do always walk that fast when working at night. I walk that fast because I want to get all my work done. Sometimes if we can get everything done, we get to leave early. So yes, I walk VERY fast!

She also did not understand why I couldn’t buy her something while I am on the clock. I tried to explain to her that shopping while you are working is frowned upon. I don’t think she got it. She was still pouting when they left to go home. Incidentally, Melissa will be joining me in February at DSJ. I told her she better not do anything to besmirch our family name. I am hoping that she won’t be scheduled to work the same nights that I work. I just don’t know if I can bear for my daughter to call me by my first name, yet I don’t think she should call me “Mom” at work.

A conversation between Keri and I while driving on the interstate:

Keri: Mom, is that thing on the side of the road that makes your butt vibrate really so people won’t fall asleep and run off the side of the road?

Me:(Laughing) Yes.

My Weekly Update

2009-01-13T12:31:00.000-06:00

Melissa and I had to go to court on last Thursday for her expired tags ticket. I have a couple of observations regarding our “court experience”. The first thing I noticed is that the courtroom is nothing like you see on TV. The room was pretty small, and we were packed in there like sardines. I always imagined courtrooms as being these big, spacious rooms with the little fence that divides the people in the courtroom from the lawyers and defendants. The second thing I noticed was the giant gavel on the judge’s desk. That thing was huge, it was like something out of a cartoon.

I wonder if he actually uses it? I would have taken a picture of it, but that would have embarrassed Melissa beyond repair. My most meaningful observation was that if you get a ticket for running a stop sign in this town, IT WILL COST YOU. It will cost you a lot. I will never again “roll” through a stop sign. The fine is over a hundred dollars. I might as well saw off one of my own arms. For Melissa’s ticket, the fine was two dollars…….plus $113 dollars in court fees. I immediately began sawing my left arm. I also realized that I would never make a good criminal. I would never be a good criminal because I fear the law. Even though I knew we were there for just a ticket, I was definitely uneasy. Melissa would probably deny it, but she was downright scared. If I was a different kind of mother, I would have enjoyed her fear. I would have relished that she was afraid of the law, and maybe been comforted in the knowledge that she probably wont grow up to be a troublemaker. If I was a different of parent that is.

I am still working the second DSJ (Department Store Job). A couple of nights ago, this lady showed me a shirt and asked me if we had it in a different size. I took the shirt with me, and when I couldn’t find one in the size she wanted, I put it back on the rack. I returned to the fitting room and told her we didn’t have any in the size that she wanted. We did however have a different color in her size. For the SECOND time she tried to send me to fetch a shirt for her. I was having none of that. It’s not that I don’t want to give good customer service…but COME ON!! I am not a personal shopper for one thing. It’s not as if I don’t have anything else to do but run around getting clothes for people. Don’t get me wrong, if you come in and want to know where to find things, I will be happy to point you in the right direction. But I am not the “gopher girl”.

At first I tried to pretend like I didn’t hear her try to send me to fetch her another shirt. That obviously didn’t work. I had to think fast. I had to let her know without being rude that I was not going to fetch that shirt for her. I spun around and told her where she could find the shirt she wanted. She then stated that she didn’t want to leave her purse in the dressing room. I smiled pleasantly and told her that since I was cleaning that area anyway, that I would be happy to watch her purse while she went and got the shirt she wanted. This worked beautifully. She even thanked me later as she came out of the fitting room.

I would never try to send someone to fetch things for me in a store ( unless I was physically unable to). I just don’t understand what makes people think it’s ok to treat others this way. Later, I even told the manager about what happened. She confirmed that we are NOT personal shoppers and that I was justified in not fetching that woman a shirt.

Saturday was fun. I did nothing. I did nothing all. I didn’t even get out of my pajamas. For the ENTIRE day. I watched TV. All.Day.Long. I didn’t even cook dinner. Keri and I went and picked up dinner and yes, I was still in my pajamas. That’s why God invented drive thru windows. I hope you have enjoyed another deep and meaningful post. Please stay tuned for more thought provoking dialogue.

The Holidays Are Definitely Over

2009-01-06T11:43:00.000-06:00

Early mornings are still hard. I try really hard not to let my temper get the best of me in the mornings. The usual list of items sure to rile me up are as follows:

Keri won't get out of bed
Keri can't find anything to wear
Keri isn't ready to leave when I am
Keri can't find her shoes, bookbag, folder, agenda, etc.
As we are pulling up at school, Keri remembers that she didn't some of her homework done

Any of the above mentioned issues are sure to make my blood boil. I must congratulate Keri on her unwitting addition to the list this morning. In order to appreciate my wrath, I should tell the WHOLE story.......

A few months ago, I bought Melissa a new winter coat. She didn't have one that was acceptable to wear. A couple of weeks after that, I bought a new coat for myself. I carefully ochestrated the purchasing of these coats to coincide with special shops days at the department store I work at. I received an additional 30% off over and above the sale price of the coats. (That last part has no relevance other than to illustrate my superior shopping savvy. ) I didn't purchase a coat for Keri. She didn't need one. She had two perfectly acceptable coats. One of them looked brand new.

She felt left out plain and simple. Everyone in the house got a new coat except for her. ~~She kept bugging me about it until finally I went and bought her a coat just to shut her up.~~ I finally decided that I didn't want her to feel like a red headed step child. She got a new coat too. The coat she ended up picking out, cost 100 bucks, however I did not pay that much for it. It was on sale and I carefully orchestrated the purchasing of her coat on a special employee shop day also.

This morning as we were getting ready to leave the house, I told her it was cold and she would need her coat. She came out of her room in a sweatshirt. I asked her where her coat was. You know, the coat that I JUST bought her that she HAD to have. She told me she could not wear her coat because it has little white fuzzies on it. I got the coat and there were a few fuzzies on it.

I saw red. She was the one who HAD to have a new coat. Even though she already had TWO.perfectly.acceptable.coats!!!!!! Now she was telling me she couldn't wear it because of a few red fuzzies? WTF? She couldn't wear her coat that retailed for ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS!!!!! AAAAHHHHHHHHH.

I didn't force the issue much this morning but I promise you that she WILL.WEAR.THAT.COAT.TO.SCHOOL. When she gets home this afternoon I will be calling her with a special chore. Her special chore will be to pick all the fuzzies off her coat. Cuz in the morning I fully expect to see her WEARING THAT D*MN COAT!!! To top that off, she also told me this morning that her Nike tennis shoes have dog poo on them. Like we have a Nike tree out in the back yard that I can just pluck her a new pair of shoes off like a piece of fruit. I am not working two jobs so that I can throw money away. Or am I?

What makes me so crazy is that she seems to have no appreciation of the sacrifices made so that SHE can have nice stuff. That coat cost me more than just money. It cost me time away from her. It cost my attention. I gave up sleep for that coat. The fact of the matter is that if I wasn't working the second job, I wouldn't have been able to afford that coat for her. Now she won't wear it?! We'll see about that, we will just see.

I Caved Like The Weakling I Am

2009-01-03T13:10:00.000-06:00

Let me tell you a tale of Christmas. A tale of the electric scooter that almost didn't happen.

Once upon a time, there was a sweet(if slobby) little girl named Keri. One day, a friend of hers showed up at the door with a shiny new scooter. It was an electric scooter. Upon seeing this beautiful new contraption, Keri decided that she simply must have one. After all, her friend had one. Everyone knows that you simply must have whatever your friends have....right?

Keri had a sweet, kind, gentle, loving, wonderful mother. Her mother worked two jobs to provide a decent life for her children. Keri decided that she simply must convince ~~her mother~~ Santa Claus that she really needed to have the beautiful, shiny electric scooter. Her first ~~plan of attack~~ idea, was to include it on her Christmas list ensuring that ~~her mother~~ Santa Claus would see her heartfelt request. Her second ~~plan of attack~~ idea was to be sure and mention VERY frequently how much she wanted the beloved EC (electric scooter).

So, ~~her mother~~ Santa Claus began researching this electric scooter. She compared styles, colors and prices. She also read quite a few customer reviews. Much to her dismay, many people expressed dissatisfaction with the EC. Apparently, some customers had to replace the battery within months of purchasing the EC. The replacement battery costs approximately $100 to replace.

~~Her mother~~ Santa Claus was very dismayed about the battery failing. It was decided between her mother and Santa Claus that purchasing the EC would be a waste of money. She felt that Keri would enjoy getting more presents as opposed to one big present and a few smaller ones. Keri had to be told. But how do you go about crushing a girl's dreams anyway? Shouldn't Christmas be a magical time of year when anything is possible?

Once the decision was made, Keri's mother tried to tell Keri gently that she would not be getting an electric scooter for Christmas. After all, it was now a few days before Christmas and possibility of finding one was pretty remote. Keri had one last idea to convince her mother and Santa that she HAD to have the electric scooter. She very cleverly brought out the "big guns". During one of the discussions regarding the EC, Keri looked at her mother with her sad, beautiful eyes and said, "If you don't have enough money, you can use some of the money that Grandma Tina sent for Christmas".

At that moment, her mother realized that Keri's Christmas would be ruined if she didn't get an electric scooter. The devastation would be heard about for years to come. But what could she do? It was now TWO DAYS before Christmas Eve. How would she ever find one that quickly? First she checked the internet and found that the shipping charges were outrageous. Her mother couldn't afford to buy the scooter and pay the shipping charges too.

Luckily for Keri, she had ~~an aunt~~ a Christmas fairy looking out for her. Her mother called a local toy store and found out they had ONE in stock, but they wouldn't hold it. When ~~her aunt~~ the Christmas fairy found out about this, she stepped in to help. She had ~~her boyfriend~~ one of her helpers pick up the electric scooter for Keri. What a wonderful ~~aunt~~ Christmas fairy to drop everything and get this magnificent present for Keri.

To end this beautiful Christmas story, on Christmas morning Keri found a brand new shiny EC under the tree just for her. She was so happy. On a side note, her mother did allow Keri to partially pay for this grand present as it was pretty expensive. Now Keri and her friend happily ride their scooters together.

The End

OK, OK, I caved like the big weak, mushy, sappy parent that I am. She wanted that darn scooter SO BADLY. I prepared myself for the fact that I may have to replace the battery in a couple months, but it will be worth for the joy on Keri's face. Keri doesn't get everything she wants throughout the year. "No" is more frequent than "yes" in our house. I just think Christmas should be a time when the impossible becomes possible. After all, that was the day that Mary gave birth to her miracle Son, Jesus.

Being Humbled, Veggie Treats and Other Stuff

2009-01-02T15:52:00.004-06:00

I knew when I took the second job at a department store that it would be an adjustment for me. I am smart to realize what a nice cushy job I have during the day. Even though our lunch time is set at 11:30, I can go earlier or later if I need or want to. If I am in a bad mood I can stay in my little cubicle and just avoid people. I do my job pretty much without anyone looking over my shoulder or telling me what to do all the time. If I have an appointment with a doctor, I am not docked. I get paid holidays and paid vacation. I am not required to work holidays. It is understood that I will TRY to get to work by 8 am, but sometimes that is not possible. When I am a few minutes late, it's no big deal.

That is not the world of a department store worker. Not.At.All. One of my first humbling moments was the day I was scheduled to "work the truck". Working the truck means that you help unload the merchandise that comes in. It means you take clothes out of boxes and plastic. When I was hungry I asked a manager if I could go on my lunch. I was told that when you work the truck, you go to lunch when you are told to go to lunch. What? Excuse me? You mean I have to have someone TELL me when I can eat? What travesty of justice is this I ask you? I am sure there is a perfectly good reason for this, I am still not sure what it is. Not to mention that if I am in a bad mood or just not feeling talkative, I still have to smile and be nice to the customers.

Even when I am not working the truck, my breaks must be carefully scheduled around my fellow coworkers. Everyone comes in at different times and someone else may be entitled to a break before me. This took a while for me to get used to. I think I have finally adjusted. As long as they don't start telling me when I can go to the bathroom.

Another issue is that managers seem to constantly tell me what I need to be doing. Or my personal favorite is when one manager tells me to do one thing and another manager tells me to do something else. WTF(udge)? I also really like it when customers tell me how to ring up their items or how to bag. I mean, I had NO IDEA it could be so complicated(Insert dripping sarcasm here).

I admit to not being the best choice to work with the public. Unfortunately for now, this is what I HAVE to do. I deferred my student loan payments until this month. I make my first payment in a couple of weeks. I NEED the extra income to loosen the noose around here a little bit. Until I started getting paychecks from this second job, I had no idea how tight things had become around here. With the addition of the extra income I have actually been able to make some need and not so needed purchases. All three of us got new winter coats at a really great deal. I got 30 percent off the sale price for all three coats.

Keri and Melissa both got new clothes which were really needed. I also bought a food processor. Oh the joy, the rapture. I can actually use onions in my cooking. I don't have to chop them myself. It also came in really handy when I made the "Veggie Treats". Remind me to post the recipe, it's really fabulous. I digress, I know.

Anyway, I am having to deal with some of the above mentioned injustices. There is no other choice right now. I hope I don't have to continue to do this on a long term basis. I was expecting to have my hours cut after Christmas was over. So far, no such luck. Apparently if you work hard and show up on time, you get more hours. I can't really complain because we really need the money. Especially since Melissa quit her part time job with my blessing. She had an issue with a manager and I advised her it was time to get out of there. Lord, I am so digressing again. This is what happens when you don't blog for two months, it all runs together.

I confess that it peeves me to have to deal with rude and inconsiderate customers. I don't know if you noticed, but I tend to be a little mouthy sometimes. I learning to control my tongue the hard way. It is difficult to leave one job where you sort of have SOME authority, and go to one where you are just another employee and there is always the possibility of someone treating you like you are a half wit. Do you know what I mean?

I'm bored as I sit here waiting to go to work tonight so I will give you the Veggie Treats recipe:
(2) 8 oz blocks of cream cheese
(2) 8oz cans of crescent rolls
(1) 1 oz envelope dry ranch dressing mix
(1) cup finely chopped veggies (brocoli, cauliflower, red pepper, mushrooms
3/4 cup shredded cheddar cheese

Soften cream cheese for a couple of hours-otherwise it won't spread nicely(trust me I learned the hard way)

Unroll crescent rolls and make a rectangle in a 15x10x1 pan (spray with Pam for best results)
Seal perforations
Bake according to directions, then let bread cool
Blend cream cheese and dry ranch mix. Spread on cool crust. Sprinkle cut up veggies on top and then added shredded cheese. Chill for 8 hours, then cut into 1 inch squares

I served these at our family Christmas and they were a big hit. I also made an extra batch for the girls and I to enjoy on Christmas day.

I also cooked a hot breakfast for us on Christmas morning. This was special for us because I NEVER cook breakfast. It was nothing fancy. I made pancakes, bacon and eggs served with orange juice. I didn't mess up the bacon or the pancakes. If you are a long time reader then you know that one other time I attempted to cook bacon, it was so hard it could break your teeth.
I think I am really starting to enjoy this whole cooking business. It's actually kind of fun. I am even considering investing in a griddle so that I don't have to spend an hour cooking breakfast next time. I only had one skillet big enough to make pancakes. Incidentally, I also had to use it cook the bacon for the same reason. I had to cook all the bacon, then cook the pancakes. Very time consuming and not at all efficient.

AAAAnnnnnddd I made a couple of pumpkin pies. All by myself. With no help. Yes it's really me. No there is not an imposter blogger pretending to be me. So, now that I am getting into this cooking thing, I really need some help. I can make the basics; meatloaf, spaghetti, chicken, hamburgers, but I NEED some new recipes. If anyone has any good recipes for a novice cooker, I would be eternally grateful. We can't live on meatloaf and spaghetti. I have a crock pot and would love to put it to use. Got any ideas?

Confessions Of A Department Store Worker

2009-01-02T13:47:00.000-06:00

Hey you. Yeah, you. You know who you are. You're the one that goes to a department store and leaves things EVERYWHERE. You decide you don't want something and you just lay it anywhere. Or try on clothes and instead of returning the item to the rack in which you found it on, you leave it lying on the dressing room floor. No, you don't even bother to put it back on the hanger. Sometimes you even leave the clothing INSIDE OUT on the dressing room floor. You figure it's someone else's job to clean it up. Well you are right. It's MY job.

Do you even take into consideration that picking up your mess is not the ONLY thing I have to do in a day? No. Are you aware that this is a second job for me? Yep, that's right. I get to work full time all day, and then go to this department store and spend my evenings cleaning up your mess. You never thought of that before? Well, maybe you should. Did you consider that your mess determines what time I get to go home to my two children who are waiting for me? No, I didn't think so. Did you consider that if I am not able to clean up not only your mess, but the mess of everyone else who does the same thing by the time the store closes that I have to stay late and clean it up? No, cuz that's not your problem is it? It's mine.

Does your mother know what an inconsiderate slob you are? Does she know that you would go into a store and leave such a mess for someone else to clean up? No, I thought not. I bet she didn't raise you to leave clothes in the floor. As a matter of fact, I bet you don't leave clothes on the floor like that in your own home. Well, maybe you do.

Could you do me a favor? If you try something on, for love of all that is holy take the time to AT LEAST put the clothes back on the hanger. If you really want to be generous, you could even return to the rack you found it on. I promise, it won't take very long. If you and all the folks could do that, I might even get to leave early once in a while. I might even get home before my two wonderful daughters go to bed. That would be nice.

I might even have time to update this blog which has not been updated since October. Yes, October. I have not had the time to blog about anything. What our Christmas was like, or how we had a mouse infestation of epic proportions. We caught about 15 mice. It was really gross. Sometimes the trap wouldn't kill them, it caught them by the tail and left them squirming and squealing in the trap. Guess who had to remove them from my home? Me that's who.

I didn't have time to blog about all the great deals I got on Christmas presents this year because I work in this department store. Nor did I have time to mention I paid CASH for every single present this year. I did not use one credit card or borrow money. I didn't have time to blog about my mother being hospitalized for a week or the stomach bug that stormed through my house taking no prisoners. I didn't have time to post my annual pictures of our tree decorating, or all the food we consumed, or Melissa's ticket for expired tags that we have to go to court for next week, or the electric scooter that Keri got for Christmas that she ALMOST didn't get for Christmas.

I also didn't get to post the recipe my coworker gave me for "Veggie Treats". I didn't even get one chance to whine about the fact that some weeks I have worked 70 hours between the two jobs. I didn't get to whine about how I thought my feet were going to fall after my first week.

Anyway, maybe you should think about the people you are affecting when you make such terrible messes. It may not seem like a big deal to you, but you never know how your slobbiness is going to affect the people working in that store (for very little money I might add). Thank you for your consideration.

Sincerely,

A Department Store Worker

Cats and Scary Stuff

2008-10-22T12:32:00.003-05:00

So a couple of days ago I went on the back deck. My lazy cat came running towards me. My lazy cat had something in her mouth. What could it be? A mouse. No, not the one that is living in my house, one she found outside. So.....let's get this straight. Not only is she NOT going to catch the one living in the house, she insists on only catching "outdoor" mice. What is wrong with me? What is wrong with me that my beloved cat, who has been a part of our family for SEVEN years, refuses to do her job and rid our house of one little vermin mouse?

Did I mention I am working two jobs now? I am working at a department store. I thought it was going to suck a whole lot worse than it actually does. I work with some REALLY nice people. So far, only one problem. My poor little pampered, spoiled, office working feet are killing me. The shoes that I have been wearing to work are from the devil. My feet absolutely throb by the time my shift is over. I purchased a pair of shoes Friday night from said department store cuz I get an employee discount. I tried on the display shoe and didn't bother to try on the pair that I actually bought. Mistake. Big mistake. I got the shoes home and they didn't fit. I didn't have time to exchange them before my shift this morning.

My feet are killing me. After my shift was over I exchanged the shoes for a different pair. Please let them leave my poor feet in fluffy softness. Please don't let my feet ache and throb the way they do now. As it gets closer to the holidays, I know that I will be working longer hours and comfortable shoes will be very important.

I overheard Keri talking to one of her friends last night. She was discussing whether or not they should go on a haunted hay ride. Let me tell you something about Keri. She is a wimp. She will have nothing to do with anything remotely scary. If she even THINKS something will be scary, she covers her face. She apparently has a solution for this dilemma. She told her friend that if anything creepy gets up in her face that she will "punch them in the freaking nose".

She has been listening to her mother too much. That sounds just like something I would say. The only problem here is that I KNOW she is so wimpy, that if something scary does happen she will more than likely scream and then cry. I didn't say anything to her. I didn't want to ruin her illusions of "punching someone in the freaking nose".

So I really thought that I was going to hate working two jobs. I know there are going to be times when it's hard. I really thought it was going to make me feel bad about myself that I need another job. That is not the case. I like going to my second job. I love the feeling that I am DOING something about the finances in this house. I like the fact that I go to work, punch the clock, do my job, and then go home. There is no stress going home with me. I just do what I'm told then I'm done. I was afraid I would have "authority" issues. So far that has not been the case.

I think I will be doing most of my Christmas shopping at this store, you know, cuz I get a discount. They also offer special days where associates receive extra discounts in addition to the employee discounts. How cool is that I ask you? I will continue working this job through the holidays. If I continue to like it the way I do now, I will probably continue working there. I could really use the extra money.

I know I have a million more things to blog about, I just can't seem to think of them at the moment.

I Think I Am Anti- Mouse

2008-10-18T18:25:00.000-05:00

Well, capture of the mouse remains elusive. I have spotted the little vermin THREE times today. Yes count them, 1-2-3 times. Does this mouse not realize that he is supposed to stay hidden and not dart out from behind furniture and race across my living room floor to the next safe place? This could only happen to me. I bought two traps and have yet to catch the little booger. Even though he seems to be everywhere. Poor Keri made one of the cats sleep with her. She spotted the mouse in the bathroom and that was it for her.

I have to say that I was against the murder of mice. Last year we spotted one at work. You can read all about it here. We set a trap and caught the mouse. I felt sorry for it. I didn't think we should KILL the mouse. Couldn't we just trap it and release it into the wild or out in the parking lot at work? That was before a mouse came to live in my house!! Death to the mouse I say! That freakin' critter has got to go. I considered trying to catch it and let it go. Unfortunately, I am firmly convinced that if I simply catch it and release it outside, it will just get back in the house again. That is completely unacceptable.

I bought one of those "No Touch No See " mouse traps. Apparently our little critter is too smart to fall for that. He seems to run everywhere but into the traps. No time to carry on and on, I must go and try to figure out how to outsmart the furry little demon.

Details, Details

2008-10-17T12:09:00.001-05:00

It is time for me to seek absolution. From you, my fellow bloggers. I disappeared for a month. I confess my sin and repent. I sort of feel like I had some good reasons. There was NOTHING even remotely interesting going on in my life. I was sick of spending all day on the computer and then going home and sitting in front of the computer. I was really starting to feel like a whiner. Everything was always bad, it seemed like I all did was use this blog as my personal whining space, a place to vent about all my doom and gloom. Well….nothing has changed. This is still my place to whine and complain although, a nice long break has refreshed me and given me some new material to work with.

Last week I was checking my bank account online. I usually log in once a day just to check things out. I immediately noticed purchases I had not made. I knew my bankcard was in my wallet because I hadn’t used it in days. You know, cuz I don’t have any money. I knew I hadn’t made any recent purchases, once again cuz I don’t have any money. Treachery was afoot. Lies and deceit abounded. I felt financially violated. I got on the phone to my bank right away. They cancelled my card and refunded the money back to my account. Granted it wasn’t a great deal of money, but it was still MY $43.61. I guess someone hacked into my computer and got my bankcard number. Obviously it was someone who does not know me. Anyone that knows me, KNOWS that I don’t have any money. Anyone that knows me also knows that even if I did have money, I wouldn’t keep it in my checking account. My checking account is for bills only. I almost feel sorry for the poor sap that decided to rip off my bankcard number. Almost. There is a small part of me that would like to find this person and rip their heart out, fry it in a pan and shove it down their throat.

Last night seemed to just really suck. After dinner I was watching TV and I thought I saw moment out of the corner of my eye. I was immediately tense. I was tense because I knew whatever this movement was, it wasn’t anything good. After all, nothing good ever sneaks around in your peripheral vision. Only vile, sneaky, furry things sneak around like that. Sure enough, a couple of minutes later I saw it darting along my wall and run behind my entertainment center. A mouse. A furry, disgusting, sneaky, vile, rodent. IN.MY.HOUSE!!!!!! I couldn’t scream. I couldn’t freak out or yell. Why? Because that would cause mass hysteria in my house. Well, as much mass hysteria that can be created by three people. My heart was pounding, my breathing was labored, I was close to panic. I decided not to upset the girls by telling them about the mouse because at least one of them would react with something like, “Mom, I can’t sleep with a mouse in the house. What if it crawls on me while I sleep?”. See what I mean. Panic would have overtaken the entire household.

I have a question. We have three cats. Two of them stay outside most of the time. But still…You mean between the THREE cats, not one of them can muster up the energy to catch this mouse? Only I would have cats that wont catch the mice. That is so wrong.

A few minutes later, the phone rang. I answered it. It was my credit card company informing me that I have not made a payment on one of my credit cards since July. Great. Just friggin great. I just forgot. I have no excuse. I made payment arrangements and ended that call as quickly as possible.

I have once again proven my worth for the title of “Misfit Mom”. Keri warned me a couple of weeks ago that she had a project to do for school. I of course, forgot all about it. She forgot all about it. Until last night. It was due today. We had to run out and by the stuff for her to make her project at 8pm last night. This was in addition to the bill collector that called, and Micky Mouse (Spelled incorrectly on purpose). Since we had to run out anyway, I decided that I would mosey on over to the bug spray aisle and pick up a couple of mouse traps very nonchalantly. Keri says, “Why are you looking at mouse traps? We don’t have mice.” It was like her mind could not grasp the concept that I might be looking at mouse traps because we actually have a MOUSE. I very calmly informed that yes we did have a mouse, and that I had seen it with my very own eyes. She did not have a “come apart” as I had expected her to. I guess it doesn’t seem real to her since she didn’t see it with her very own eyes.

Keri stayed up until about ten working on her project. Then she went to bed and crashed really hard. Without a bath. And she really needed one. Who let their kid go to school dirty today? Me that’s who. Who had to run out at the last minute and buy materials to make an animal cell? Me, that’s who. I really think I have this Misfit Mom thing all wrapped up.

So……..in summary in ONE night I had to deal with a mouse, an unpaid bill, and the school project. I personally think that’s too much for any woman to deal with in one evening. I mean, the mouse did me in. That was enough for me.

You know how everyone always says that money can’t buy happiness. I disagree. To a point that is. Now that I know I have this part time job and that I will soon have extra money coming in, I feel MUCH better. My stress level is not nearly as high. Yes, it sucks that I will have to be away from home more. However, I am sure I am not the only single mom out there who has to work two jobs. It may end up being just through the holidays anyway. We’ll see how it goes.

So thanks for tuning in to more whining and complaining. I hope I was able to change it up and keep it interesting by whining about something besides my messy house/children or my financial situation.

The Month In Summary

2008-10-13T20:54:00.002-05:00

I am so ashamed that I haven't blogged in a flippin' month. Sit down and get comfortable while I attempt to summarize the last month. Let's see, let's see, where to start. How about with Melissa? OK, works for me. Melissa FINALLY got a job and has been working. Unfortunately, she does not get a lot of hours in. I merely suggested that she keep her eyes open for something that might offer her a few more hours. To which she immediately bit my head off and chewed it up. And swallowed it. (Maybe PMS? I don't know)

Fast forward to last week when she informed me that she is not getting enough hours and she is going to look for another job. HOW SMART!!!!!!! WHERE DID SHE EVER GET AN IDEA LIKE THAT? Not from me, apparently. I guess it's not cool for your mother to offer a perfectly reasonable suggestion. I guess if you are a teenager, you must ignore your mother's advice, wait a few weeks then pretend like it was your idea the whole time. Oh well, guess I can't win them all.

Melissa braces finally came off. She wore them for 2 1/2 years. I am embarrassed to report that I have become the "Retainer Nazi". I find myself constantly squinting at her to see if she is wearing her retainer. If she is not, I immediately begin my tirade about how I spent near 5000 DOLLARS on those braces and she better wear her retainer. Then my head spins around and I levitate off the floor. OK, not really. She is not too happy with this new role that I have taken on. She usually says something like, "Mom, I'm 16 years old. I know I am supposed to wear the retainer. I only took it out so I could eat". Oh, my bad.

Keri has decided to give up her life of being a good kid to become a criminal. I am not allowed to reveal what she did exactly, so I will skirt around it. It involved her and another girl. It also involved vandalism......and toilet paper........and eggs. Nothing was broken or destroyed. I was so shocked that she did this. I just couldn't believe it. My baby. My sweet little girl, turning to a life of crime. OK, OK, I exaggerate. Anyway, she was grounded and made to clean up the mess she made.

In other, other news, I got a part time job. I didn't want to, but I felt I had no other choice. The holidays are right around the corner and we will not be getting bonuses this year. Not to mention those pesky student loans I have to deal with. So I went for the interview on Friday afternoon after work. I figured I would be there for 30 minutes at the most. I was there for.two.friggin'. hours. I have never experienced anything quite like it before. My first mistake was thinking that I would be the only person there for the interview. I arrive at the store. (I will not be revealing the location of my part time job at this time) There were at least ten women in line waiting for the same interview. We stand around for about ten minutes, then we are lead into this sort of meeting room. It was a group interview. I had never heard of such a thing. The first order of business was to let everyone know that if they are not available to work around the holidays, they should just leave.

Next the interviewer began asking questions and each person had to answer said question. The first one was, "If you saw a fellow employee stealing, what would you do and what do you think should happen to them?" Give me a break. Where do these questions come from anyway? If I didn't REALLY need this part time gig, I would have said, "Personally I admire people who steal, and I would NEVER report someone if I saw them stealing. Heck I might even ask them for pointers on how I too can get away with stealing". The rest of the questions were equally lame. Next the interviewer and her "assistant" stepped out of the room on the pretense that they needed to get some paperwork or some such nonsense. What they were really doing was standing outside the door talking about us and deciding who wasn't going to make the cut. Hah! I was right. They came back in and called three people out of the room. Then they came back and said that the rest of us were hired pending a drug screening and reference check.

I have never had to sign anything stating my willingness to work the specified hours. I felt like I was signing my life away. Oh well, at least I can make some extra Christmas money and I get a 15 % discount over and above the sale prices.

We also got invested with fleas, the cat ate a mouse and left the head in the living room, we got rid of the fleas, AND my baby sister Alicia is getting married next week. Whew, I'm tired just thinking about all that. Hopefully this is the end of my hiatus and I am back in blog world. I sure missed you guys.

Who's The Meanest Mom Ever?

2008-09-12T10:45:00.001-05:00

Did you guys know that girls equal drama? Well, they do, especially in my house. Take Keri for instance. You all know her signature quote, “It hurts really bad Mom”. Which is used for any injuries real or imagined. You also know that I implemented my brilliant plan, Operation: Make Slaves Out of My Children. This operation seems to be successful thus far. With that being said there are still things that I myself must do.

After all, I can’t have them washing my work clothes. I don’t want their grubby little paws anywhere near clothes that I wear to work. Mainly because everything I own must last for EXTREMELY long periods. I should get a good five years out of a pair of slacks. So I was puttering around the house a couple of nights ago, doing things that only I can do. As I performing these various tasks, I notice that Keri has several messes in her bedroom and bathroom. It briefly crossed my mind to clean it up, then I remembered. There is a new world order in this house. I implemented Operation MSOOMC to PREVENT me from having to do everything.

In a calm and reasonable voice I told Keri everything that I saw that she needed to clean up, which went something like this: “Keri, you need to clean up the mess you made in the bathroom. Also I noticed that you have several clean outfits wadded up on the bed. Those need to be hung up in the closet. You also need to pick up your dishes from the computer desk and put them in the dishwasher. There are also a couple of wadded up pieces of paper on your bedroom floor, you need to clean that up too”. (The clean outfits were because she changed clothes three times before settling on an outfit)

No big deal……right? Not in my house. Keri flings herself down on the bed with her face in the mattress. She starts to cry. After a few minutes of ignoring her, I get a little frustrated and ask her what the problem is. Her response was, “I just feel like you gave me so much to do that I don’t even know where to start”, as she boo-hoos some more. Are you kidding me? Now I am a LITTLE upset. I tell her, “Keri, how do you think I feel when I have to come home, cook dinner, wash dishes, sweep and mop, and do laundry everyday? You don’t think I feel like I have too much to do?” Oh the drama! You would have thought I told the kid she had to clean the entire house by herself. I only asked her to clean up the messes that SHE made!!!

She pouted for a few more minutes, and I was forced to use my stern mother voice. I told her that she could pout all she wanted to, but she WAS going to do her share and she WAS going to clean up the messes that SHE made. Aren’t I so mean? Aren’t I just a horrible mother? My blackened heart should be ripped out, baked in the sun and then tied around her neck. I don’t even know how I live with myself.

Missing In Action

2008-09-05T12:25:00.003-05:00

This week really got away from me. It was our "closing" week at work plus we were off Monday, which translates to a very stressful work week. BUT......my house was clean. Since I implemented operation "Make Slaves Out of My Children" things have been a lot more pleasant around here.....for me anyway. How did I do it you ask? I will share my wonderful top secret secret.

I LAID DOWN THE LAW. I told my beautiful offspring the following: "We are all in this together. We are a family. There is no reason why I should have to do ALL the housework around here. You will help out whether you paid or not. I don't get paid for cleaning the house, and you might not either, deal with it".

I am not kidding you it was that simple. One of the secrets to parenting is letting them know who the boss is. The boss is me. I pay the bills. I run this house. I am the one and only parent. Therefore my children need to understand who is the queen of this domain. This is a dictatorship, not a democracy. Slowly a system is coming together. Melissa and I take turns preparing lunches for the next day and getting the coffee pot ready. I had both the girls start helping with getting dinner ready. Everyone helps out with everything. I usually call Keri and assign her chores on a "needs to get done basis". One day I might have her do the dusting. One day she might get the thrilling chore of vacuuming the living room.

Having the extra help has truly energized me. You would NOT believe all I have accomplished in the last week. Let me stop for a moment and share the horror of Keri's room. It will shame me to share this with you, but in the interest of keeping it real I feel I must. I decided while Keri was gone last weekend to attack her room, and attack it I did.

I started in the corner by emptying her toy box. I just dumped it upside down on the floor. You really would not believe the CLOTHES I found in there. Yes, clothes. That my friends is only the beginning. Her bed is not completely against a wall. There is barely enough room for me to fit between her bed and the wall. It was SO disgusting back there. I found the following and I am NOT making this up:

popcorn
popcorn bag
Whoppers
3 cups
5 spoons (yes FIVE spoons)
3 bowls
popcorn kernels
empty yogurt cups
an empty Sonic bag (don't ask cuz I have NO idea)
a trillion papers and posters
socks
clothes
a slice of apple

We'll just stop right there. I cleaned it up. I cleaned it ALL up. I spent an entire Saturday cleaning and organizing her room. Yep, all day. I worked so hard in her room that the next day, my butt and legs were sore. ~~Which might be due to the fact that I don't exercise enough, but we don't need to talk about that.~~

I made a new rule: NO EATING OR DRINKING IN YOUR BEDROOM FOR ANY REASON. This resulted in a pouting session that lasted about an hour. Keri says to me, "Where am I supposed to eat?" Ummmm how about in the kitchen, where normal people eat. I told her she could eat at the kitchen table. She says, "But I always watch TV while I eat". I said, "Not anymore you don't" Then she wanted to know if she could eat at the computer desk. I told her she couldn't because then she would be dropping food in the keyboard. Like the keyboard is not disgusting enough right? She finally came up with an idea. She sits on the floor in the dining/computer room on a blanket. She uses the internet to pull up her favorite shows, and watches from there.

I am OK with that. As long as NOT ONE morsel of food goes into that bedroom, I don't care if she eats outside.

I also started cleaning out the bedroom closet. OH YEAH! I know what's ~~wrong~~ gotten into me lately. Well a couple of things. The first is that I recognize my need to control something in my life. I have so many things going on that I CAN'T control, that I am really clinging to the things I can. Like my house for instance. The other thing is that since I am getting help from the slaves...I mean, children I have more time to do some of the other things besides the day to day chores.

Things are finally starting to look up. I dealt with the financial crisis I had when I very irresponsibly spent bill money on school clothes for the kids. It took some doing, but I am coming out of it. Melissa has a job interview at Fazoli's tomorrow. We are ecstatic about that.

Tonight I have five girls in my house and I may not live to see another day. It's Keri's belated birthday sleep over. Joy and rapture. You think boys are noisy? Wait till you have a houseful of 10 year old girls.

Keri gave me a very cute verbal description of school pizza which I will now quote, "It's like a piece of cardboard covered with salsa and sprinkled with rotten cheese". I busted a gut when she told me that.

We had a hermit crab incident a few minutes ago. Let me tell you about Bubbles the hermit crab. Keri and her friend E both got hermit crabs last NOVEMBER. Bubbles is beloved member of our family now. Keri called me into her room a few minutes ago to tell me that Bubbles was dead. I was trying to console her, saying things like, "Keri, Bubbles lived a long life, most hermit crabs don't live for almost a year. You were lucky to have her as long as you did. I know it wont be the same, but we can get you another hermit crab". It cracks me up that I have to console her over the loss of her beloved hermit crab. I mean it's not like they're cute and cuddly or anything. Anyway I came back to the computer and a few minutes later she called me back in there. Wait a minute, Bubbles isn't dead! She shed her shell. I am not sure what the technical term is but that's what happened. I had even picked up what I thought was the hermit crab, and sure enough it looked dead to me.

It has become Karmic law that I must have at least one bad day every week. Thursday was my bad day for this week. I cut my alarm off in my sleep. We were late leaving the house. I dropped Keri off and headed to work. Only I couldn't get to the interstate. It took me about thirty minutes to go about a mile. When I finally got to the commotion, there was a stalled car in the middle of the street. What's wrong with people anyway? Didn't that guy KNOW that I was running late for work? Didn't he know I would be coming through the area. So I got to sit in traffic fiending for my coffee for thirty minutes. The inhumanity and injustice of it all. Why must I be so put upon?

Let us all hope Melissa's interview goes well tomorrow. If not I am likely to hurt her or myself if she doesn't get her own source of income soon.

Tales Of A Single Woman

2008-09-02T11:51:00.002-05:00

A couple of weeks ago, the warning light came on in my car letting me know I needed to put air in my tires. Which I did. The light didn't go off. I shrugged it off and assumed the light was broken. Last week I had the oil changed in my car. I will now reenact the scenario which took place at the oil change station:

Me: Could you check the air in my back passenger tire? I think it might be low, the light is on.

A few minutes later:

Valvoline Dude:uuuuuu ma'm, your light is on because you have a nail in your tire.

Me, responding very brightly:

Oh, that's why the light didn't go off.

This is why I have no business doing anything other than driving my vehicles.

Just Stuff

2008-08-29T20:09:00.001-05:00

I didn't tell ya'll about a decision I made. I blogged about it a while ago. See here to refresh your memory. It's about this whole child support thing. At this point, I am faced with needing a second job to get a handle on my finances. The more I think about it, the more ridiculous I think it is that I should have to work a second job taking more time away from my children. I filled the application papers a few weeks ago. The nice lady I spoke with on the phone told me it would be six weeks before I get an appointment.

It has been three weeks already. Yesterday I got some information in the mail from the child support agency. It was contact information and such. I was relieved to know that at least I am in the system now. Progress is being made,albeit a little slowly. That's the nature of the child support beast. It is a VERY slow process. When I filed child support papers when we lived in NC, it took me almost a year to get the first payment. That's how slow it is.

I think I may be in the doghouse with the ex husband. He was doing very well at calling Keri on a regular basis. Then the phone calls completely stopped. He hasn't called her in one week and one day. (Yes, I am counting) This my friends is an ongoing dilemma. He will call regularly for a while, then drop off the face of the Earth. Maybe he is ticked off because the child support agency contacted him. I don't know. What I am supposed to do? Should I cut him off completely? Should I continue to allow his pathetic attempts at maintaining a relationship with my daughter? I really don't know what the right decision is. I want to do what is best for HER. If it's in her best interest to maintain the little contact she has, then so be it. But what if that's not the right thing to do? What if his popping in and out of her life is worse for her? This something that I have frankly been struggling with for a while.

I suspect he is angry because I am filing for child support, and YES he would stop calling her just to tick me off. He knows that is the ONLY way he can get me riled up. Only I don't feel riled up. I really could care less if he never calls again. The problem is that my daughter cares. This time she hasn't said anything to me about his disappearing act. Usually she will get upset and cry when he doesn't call for a while. Then I get mad. No, then I get furious. I don't understand how a person can treat their own child this way. I could not imagine going more than a week without talking to either one of my kids.

What I would really like to do is rip his heart out, dry out in the sun for a few days, and then hang it around my neck. Unfortunately, I lack the physical strength to pull off such a feat. Too bad I can't just do it with imagination, I have plenty of that. mmmmm ....What else could I do to him? Peel off his toenails one by one? I know, I know, I could knock him out and then dress him like a girl in a really sexy dress. Then I could put makeup and jewelry on him. Then I could leave him somewhere where ALL his friends would find him. He is such a macho guy that would land him in therapy for years.

********************************************

Did I mention that Keri and I almost got creamed on the way to drop her off at school? You know your day is going to crap when the first thing you do is spill hot coffee on your hand. I shook that off and continued getting ready. I was driving through my neighborhood, I wasn't even on a main road. This car comes straight at me out of nowhere. I lay on the horn and ran off the side of the road. He saw me in time to get stopped, but it scared Keri and I both to death. Then he freakin' WAVED at me. Are you kidding me? A wave does not erase the fact that he almost creamed right into my car. With my kid in it. The car that I spent ~~weeks~~ months researching and investigating. The car that I had transferred from Miss-i-freakin-sippi. The rest of my day progressed in pretty much the same manner. Traffic was horrible, and I was late getting to work.

By the time I got to work I had decided that someone must die. It didn't really matter who. Probably the first person that looked at me wrong. Unfortunately, no one wanted to die that day. Everyone I came in contact with was very nice. Not one cross look did I get all day long. Darn, foiled again! There was to be no outlet for my aggression that day.

Incidentally, my mission to ~~make slaves out of my children~~ have my children help out more around the house is going very well. My life is much smoother with everyone pitching in. Melissa actually cooked dinner two nights. Keri still needs a little work, but she is getting there. I can tell that child has not ONE of her mother's cleaning gene. It's just not in her. She WILL get that gene. Eventually, even if I have to cram it down her little throat. Anyway, it's nice to actually be able to sit and watch TV without feeling guilty about it. To know that my house is not festering in putrid germs while I am sitting on my butt. Oh the joy.

I have no children tonight, so I am off to have some "single woman" fun.............

Reclaiming My Pants

2008-08-26T15:06:00.000-05:00

We found more critter evidence. He chewed through something in the attic. I am so grossed out. I think I may lock the cat up there for a couple of days and see what happens. What’s the point in having a cat if it wont protect you from unknown vermin? I don’t know about ya’ll, but I tend to think it may be a mouse. Please God don’t let it be a rat or something equally hideous and distasteful. Please, I beg you.

Today is the official day that Susie begins to truly wear the pants at home. The day didn’t get off to a great start. I had an accident that I would rather not discuss, and then I spilled hot coffee all over my own hand. Keri didn’t have her clothes or snacks picked out so we were late leaving the house this morning. Which means I was late dropping her off and got stuck in traffic.

I don’t understand two things. The first thing I don’t understand is this: Why must everyone drive 20 miles under the speed limit if there is even ONE DROP of moisture on the road? Why I ask? Is there a such thing as aqua-amoxaphobia?(The fear of water and fear of driving combined) The second thing I don’t understand is why people are so fascinated with minor traffic accidents. Big deal. You mean to say that’s the most interesting thing you’ve ever laid eyes on? Come on people! Let the rest of us who could care less get to work. The rest of us have kids who made us late leaving the house, which is why we are in such a hurry to get to work anyway.

See how easily sidetracked I am? Anyway back to day 1 of mission “Give Susie Back Her Pants”. Today at approximately 1600 hours, I will be placing a call to the residence of one Keri and one Melissa. I will then sweetly inquire as to what the little precious children would like for dinner. Then at approximately 1600 hour and 1 minute, I will say something like, “Oh you would like spaghetti for dinner? Then I suggest you get out the noodles, spaghetti sauce, and big pot. Be sure to make a plate for me, as I will be very hungry upon arriving home”.

I am sure there will be much weeping and gnashing of teeth. This will not weaken my stone cold resolve to make them pull their weight around the house. Nothing will stop me. No amount of huffing, puffing, pouting, crying, eye rolling that I can’t see over the phone, or any other acts of treason will sway me. I will….reclaim my pants.

1500 hours, 30 minutes August 25, 2008

I am gleefully anticipating calling my children in 27 minutes to inquire about what we are having for dinner. Picture me sitting at my desk rubbing my hands together in joyful anticipation.

1500 hours 54 minutes August 25, 2008

So I called the children to ask what they wanted for dinner:

Melissa: I dunno

Me: Well, you guys need to decide what you want for dinner

Melissa: Keri, what do you want for dinner?

Keri: Hawaiian chicken

Me: Then get out the dish and preheat the oven to 350 degrees…..

I proceeded to give the two subjects instructions on how to start dinner. The younger subject claims to have had a headache since after lunch. The older subject seems to not show much interest in any of this dinner conversation. I will be contacting the subjects again when I leave the office.

0800 hours, August 26, 2008

Subject M (Melissa) reported that subject K (Keri) cried after TE (The Enforcer-that would be me) alerted the subjects of their mission. Subject M offered to step in and handle the mission. Subject K ceased her emotional outburst and did perform the task she was given. Today’s mission will include vacuuming and dusting. TTAAAWWAAANNDDAA!!!

HW wanted to know if I haven't been wearing pants, what have I been wearing. I think a kilt. Still have no idea what the critter in the attic is. I just do not want to deal with that but I know I must.

Weekend At Susie's

2008-08-25T11:32:00.000-05:00

We had a hectic weekend at our house. Friday night Keri and I went shopping for decorations for her birthday party. She wanted a Hawaiian theme for her party. We found lei’s and cups that look like coconuts. The grass skirts were ten dollars each. Needless to say, I skipped out on those. Saturday morning we got up and went out again to see if we could find any cheaper grass skirts. We checked at the dollar store but they didn’t have any either. They did however, have double A batteries. I don’t know if Panasonic is a good brand or not. I figured for a buck it couldn’t hurt to try. The batteries in my toothbrush were low the Spinbrush was barely spinning.

We had an experience at the bank. Keri got a money order in her name from one of the grandparents. We went to my bank to cash it and I just went through the drive thru. I put the signed money order and my driver’s license in the tube and send it. A couple of minutes later she asks me if I have an account. UUMMMMM yeah. Otherwise, why would I drive ALL the way across town to cash the money order? I fish out my account number and give her that. Then she says, “This isn’t made out to you”. To which I responded, “It’s made out to my ten-year old” pointing to Keri sitting in the backseat. “Oh, I see” she says and sends back the tube with the money. I realize she didn’t know what the situation was, but come on! I won’t go off on one of my tirades today. That’s all I have to say about that.

The birthday was fine, blah, blah, blah. Usually when we have my family all together it’s chaos. When it was time for cake and ice cream, I formulated a brilliant plan. We asked the kids what kind of ice cream they wanted. One.Kid.At.A time. We then served the cake and ice cream.One.Kid.At.A time. I was scooping ice cream and my sister was cutting cake. This assembly line worked out great. It was a serene experience. Kids were not running all over the house screaming out what kind of ice cream they wanted. We brought the kids into the kitchen as their plates were ready.

Sunday was full of more thrills. Keri wanted to go the inflatable funhouse. They have open play from 4-6 on Sunday afternoons. Let me tell you, if you are not a kid, and you are not jumping around in there. It’s freakin’ cold! The only thing that made the two hours bearable was that I ran into my SIL there. I was still cold but at least I had someone to talk to. After an agonizing two hours, we could finally leave. It was off to the grocery store. By the time we got home and unloaded groceries it was 8pm. Make coffee, make lunches, do laundry, work myself into an early grave.

While I was running errands this weekend, I made a decision. It’s one that I hope I can stick with. You guys have read my gripes about how hard it is to keep up a house and work full time. I swear I feel like I am running myself ragged most of the time. What I have decided is that I have two able bodied children living in that house. Why should I do all the work? What law says that I have to be the breadwinner and the maid? I am so sick of hearing “What’s for dinner” and “Where’s my (fill in the blank)”. Why not have the little hoodlums start dinner? It’s not that complicated. Besides cooking is a life skill that they will both need to have. Melissa is 16 years old and barely knows how to make spaghetti.

Beginning this very night, I will have THEM decide what we are having for dinner. It will be up to THEM to get dinner started. As a matter of fact, I may not stop with just dinner. I may force them to sweep or mop or God forbid, run the vacuum. Maybe I could even hire them out on weekends. Then I wont have to get a second job. Oh, wait a minute, did I say that out loud? My bad. Forget you heard that….or read it.

This whole thing about chores for money….HA! In their young little dreams. No one pays me for cooking or cleaning the house. Everyone will pitch in with everything. Melissa asked me last night if I would make her sandwich for lunch today. I told her that I would, but tonight it’s HER job to make the sandwiches for EVERYONE!!!! MMMMWWWAAAAA. I don’t want my kids to be lazy slobs who are not able to take care of themselves in the most basic of ways. I will say that Melissa has been doing her own laundry for a few years now. She is pretty good about helping out with dishes, but that’s about it.

No more I say! Their reign of terror is over. My years of indentured servitude are over. There is just too much to be done for me to do it all, if I want to keep my sanity that is. As I mentioned recently, I don’t want to throw my money and therapy down the drain. So I decree and declare from this day forward, on the 25th of August, in the year of our Lord 2008 that I, Susie Wears The Pants will actually wear the pants.

Critters And My Sanity

2008-08-22T08:00:00.000-05:00

Have I mentioned how much I heart my Ipod? Well, I do. All that music available at the touch of a button. Yesterday I was driving home from work, listening to my music. I was in my happy place. I was listening to New Kids On The Block ponder the age old question, "Didn't I Blow Your Mind This Time?" The abrupt ringing of my cell phone broke me out of my reverie. (~~I had to look that one up in the dictionary)~~ It was Melissa. She felt the need to call and inform me that she thinks we have a critter in the attic.

Did I mention that I don't do critters? Period. First of all, I am driving home from work. What exactly does she expect me to do about the vermin while I am driving 75 mph down the freeway? I know, maybe I should pull over and make a frantic call to animal control. I can tell them that I have a critter of unknown origin lurking in my attic. I could ask them to please come over to my house at once and remove it. Maybe I could use mental telepathy to ask the vermin to please vacate my residence at once. I could send poor Keri up there to check it out. No? Maybe that's not such a good idea.

She tells me she can hear it scratching around up there. Great. There I was driving along, enjoying my special "me" time. Listening to the band of my youth, not thinking about much of anything. Why can't my children let me drive home from work in peace? It's not too much to ask. It's thirty minutes out of my whole day that doesn't revolve around work or them. It never fails. If there is some sort of problem, it will not wait until I get home. In their eyes, it must be dealt with posthaste and forthwith. Is that a word? Did I spell it correctly? NOTHING should ever wait until I get home. That's almost as bad as the phone calls I get at work demanding to know "what's for dinner".

It's bad enough that they suck every single dime that comes into this house. Now they have to steal my sanity, along with my hard earned money. Little do they realize how much I value my sanity. It took hard earned money, dedication, and therapy to get it. I have no intention of letting THEM steal it away from me. After all, it's all I left in this cold, cruel world.
*******************************************************************
Did I mention I got the paperwork for my student loans this week? I thought I was going to pass out. I am still reeling over it. I think I owe about $25,000 in student loans. I didn't realize it would cost so much money to be able to say I'm a college graduate. Want to know how much my monthly payments will be? Good, I'll tell you. $300 A FREAKIN' MONTH!!!! I don't need a second job, I need a new identity. That is going to break the bank. I was expecting payments of about half that. I guess we will be cutting some corners around here. You know, food, clothing, shelter all the extras we don't need anyway.

Out Of The Mouth Of Keri

2008-08-21T13:24:00.000-05:00

In celebration of Keri’s tenth birthday yesterday, I have decided to compile some stories about her that I don’t THINK I have previously blogged about. I didn’t have a blog when she was little, so this will have to do.

When Keri was about four, she won a goldfish from the fair. We brought the goldfish home and went to the pet store. We bought a goldfish bowl and the whole nine yards. Keri named her goldfish Princess. As adults I’m sure we all know what happened to poor Princess. She died within several days. That kid cried her eyes out. You would have thought that fish had been around for years. She cried and cried and cried some more. I think she wailed something like, "Ppprrinnncceesssss, my princess is dead. My poor little princess".

I used to work a couple of weekends a month. The company I work for pays salary employees for working weekends. The money is pretty good. Keri and I were in the car on the way to the office on a Saturday morning. I was explaining the reasons that I had to work that day. “I really need to get caught up on some things, and besides Mommy makes extra money for working on Saturdays”. We get to my office and Keri is talking to me about work and she says within earshot of my boss and in a loud voice, “YOU JUST WORK ON SATURDAYS FOR THE MONEY. RIGHT MOMMY? YOU JUST LIKE TO MAKE EXTRA MONEY ON THE WEEKENDS”. I wanted disappear. I was so mortified. Of course, I liked the extra money, but I really was behind on paperwork. I’m still not recovered from that.

Just a few days ago while riding around our neighborhood she says to me, “If we win the lottery, can we buy Michael so-and-so’s house and kick him out? I’m not trying to be mean, but he’s a big giant turd”. I see a couple of problems here. Have I raised my daughter to call people big giant turds? Have I raised my daughter to think it’s OK to kick people out of their homes and leave them homeless? Very disturbing. I mean, I know that spite is like my oxygen, but I was hoping it wouldn’t rub off on her.

A few years ago, the three of us were sitting on the deck:
Keri: Sissy truth or dare?
Melissa: Truth
Keri: Is true that you fell asleep during sixth period today?”……….

Keri has always had a love of animals. I got her a cat named Punkin when she was three. Punkin has been a part of our family ever since. One afternoon, we getting ready to leave the house and there was a bee in the car. I am deathly afraid of bees. Keri is too so we both jumped out. The next thing I know, Keri is screaming at the top of her lungs, “MY BABY, MY PRECIOUS ANGEL!!!!” I said, “What baby? What precious angel? Where?” She screams, “PUNKIN, PUNKIN IS IN THE CAR, THE BEE IS GOING TO GET HER!” I comforted her and told her that a mere bee would not take down her cat, and in fact, Punkin would probably eat the bee and save the day. It was almost as if the cat knew that Keri was terrified of bees. When the cat jumped out of the car and I went and looked, the bee was gone. I’m not REALLY sure if the cat got the bee, but I like to think she did.

This last one I did put on my blog a very long time ago. Keri says to me, “Mommy, you are the prettiest mommy in whole world”. Pause, then, “Except for when you’re nekkid, but nobody looks good nekkid”.

Happy Birthday Keri

2008-08-20T09:12:00.000-05:00

Dear Keri,

Ten years ago today you were born. I remember it so clearly. I remember the start of labor pains on the night of August 19, 1998. I remember not wanting to be in the hospital any longer than necessary. I decided to tough it out as long as I could at home. It hurt. A lot. Your father and I began timing the contractions. Once they were five minutes apart, we called the doctor. He told us to head on over to the hospital. We dropped your sister off at the babysitter’s house. We didn’t want her to be there because we were afraid it would scare her. On the way to the hospital your father jokingly asked me if I wanted to stop and have a beer. The icy cold stare I gave him was answer enough. I was really hurting by this time and his feeble attempt at humor did not amuse me. We pulled up in front of the hospital. Your dad dropped me off at the front door and parked the car.

As soon as I walked through the doors of the hospital, my water broke. It was nothing like what I have always seen on TV. They always show this big puddle of fluid pooling at your feet. In reality, it was more like a trickle. As a matter of fact, I almost wondered if I had peed my pants. Off we went to the maternity floor to check in. A test confirmed that my water had indeed broken, albeit with very little drama.

The pain was escalating now and I was pretty miserable. My best friend arrived to witness your grand entrance. While I struggled with the most horrible pain I have ever had the misfortune to bear, your dad seemed blissfully unaware. That was OK. His time would come. Finally, the time had come to administer the epidural. I was so relieved. I have a very low threshold for pain, and I was more than ready. The doctor came in and gave your dad instructions to hold my hands to keep them steady. He said that I needed to be very still and I was shaking and cold.

Your dad took my hands and stared into my eyes. It was a beautiful few seconds before his faced turned green, his eyes rolled back in his head, and he passed out. I thought he was having a seizure and began crying and demanding to know what was wrong with him. The nurses assured me that he had only passed out and would be fine. Upon being revived, he informed everyone that he was, “only taking a nap”. Thankfully my BFF stepped in and took his place while I got the epidural. Oh the joy! Even though my entire pregnancy had been wrought with one pain after another, the rest of the birth was surprisingly easy, once I got the good drugs of course. At 6:10 a.m. on the morning of August 20, 1998 you very easily made your grand entrance to the world. A few pushes and some mild pain and you were here. Weighing in at 8 lbs 14oz, you were the biggest newborn I had ever seen. You immediately put your whole hand in your mouth and began sucking. That was to be a sign that you would forevermore be a bottomless pit, able to eat more quantities of food than I could have ever imagined. From the time we got to the hospital until your birth it was six hours. Thank you for not taking hours, and hours, I will always be grateful.

You had your father’s hands and chubby little cheeks. How I marveled over your dimples and fat rolls. I loved them and thought they were the cutest things I had ever seen. I was so happy to have another little girl to love. Thank you Keri for joining our family and being my little girl.

Love,

Mom

A New Writer Among Us

2008-08-19T12:00:00.001-05:00

Last night two things happened. The first is that I went on a crazed, manic tirade and cleaned out drawers and cabinets. I filled up two garbage bags full of crap that, “just couldn’t be thrown away”. You know the junk I’m talking about, the mysterious cords that seemingly do not operate anything in your house. What about that phone book from three years ago that never made it to the recycle bin? Batteries, pens, old mail, notebooks, instruction manuals, the junk was never ending.

What caused this temporary insanity? Melissa needs a very expensive calculator, of which I have two of them. IF I can find either one of them. I took a math class in college that required this ridiculous calculator, now Melissa’s Algebra class is using them. THAT’S what I was looking for. A friggin’ calculator. A friggin calculator that caused me to spend my entire evening emptying out cupboards and drawers. A calculator that forced me to acknowledge that every available space in my home, has become a JSU (Junk Storage Unit).

As I whirled around my house like a ~~soccer mom on crack~~ Tasmanian Devil, doing laundry, folding laundry, cleaning out the drawers, putting away groceries (grocery shopped last night too) something else happened. When I eventually wound up in Keri’s room and dumped out her nightstand drawers, I found something interesting, and hee-larious. If Keri knew I was doing this, she would never speak to me again, and make sure that I wind up in a nursing home the first time I fall and break my hip.

I found this paper that had the beginning of a story on it. I will now reprint this excerpt in its entirety:

Chapter 1

My Life Changes Forever

My life started out normal. I had friends, a mom, a dad, and a brother and sister. I had dreams. Of course a huge crush on a boy (What girl doesn’t) Back to the dream thing. My dream was to become a star. I had already had wrote some songs. I sing them in my room. I’ve never sang in public only at school. If I really do become a singer I’m still going to go out with my friends and have a good time. And my friends are going to be in my band. I’m going to live in Hollywood. Or maybe New York. Who really cares were I live. The only thing standing in my way of living my dream is my mom. She wants me to be a teacher. That’s never going to happen. I don’t know why my mom doesn’t want me to live my dream. I guess moms are just like that. My sister thinks that to. She wants to be a vet but mom wants her to be a doctor. But sometimes mom can be cool.

Written by Keri Rogers

Retyped by Susan Rogers

The problem is that this is all I found. I have no idea what happened to the girl, or her dreams. Oh well, hope you guys find this as funny and entertaining as I did.

Edited to add: I did not find the calculator but all my drawers got cleaned out. Also, I like how in Keri's story, you can tell she feels bad about the mom being the villian. Note at the end how she says that, "sometimes mom can be cool".

The Weekend Arrives

2008-08-18T11:44:00.000-05:00

There are many joys in having a large family. In a crisis there are more people to help out. There is always someone available to have lunch or go shopping with. There are more people to call and complain to when life sucks. Depending on the sport, you already have enough people for a whole team. If you need a favor, even if one person turns you down, you still have plenty of other people to ask. In my family, that applies, as long it’s not money you need. Your kids have more family members to get presents from. Which means you have better odds of getting what you really want. Just kidding…well, sort of.

There are some disadvantages also. Like trying to find a house big enough to accommodate family get togethers. The noise. The noise, noise, noise. Do you know how loud it is when that many people are all trying to talk at once? Well, it’s pretty loud I can tell you that. There is not a vehicle made that is large enough for all of us to be able to ride in one vehicle. Literally, it would have to be a school bus.

Friday night was my family birthday dinner. We all arrived at the restaurant, and we were escorted to a private dining room in back. The staff had not pushed any tables together. It was up to us to decide how we wanted to arrange the tables. This resulted in a couple of differences of opinions. One thought we should make an L shaped table. Dad thought we should do something different. I am not sure what his plan was, as I was never able to figure it out. At any rate this resulted in a ten-minute argument over how best to arrange the tables. Did I mention I was in a foul mood Friday? I was ready to cancel the whole friggin’ birthday dinner anyway.

After a few minutes of this nonsense, my sister and I sort took over and made a decision. It is so silly that something as simple as trying to line up tables for us to eat turns into a fiasco. Why? Because we ALL have opinions and ideas. We ALL think our way is the best way. We are ALL stubborn. Every.Single.Last.One of us. I don’t anyone of the seven children who is not stubborn. It amazes me that one person could produce seven stubborn offspring. I mean, what are the odds right? I fruitfully multiplied twice and I don’t think either one of my kids are particularly stubborn. What would we do in a real crisis situation? If it were life or death, we would all be dead before any kind of decision was made.

It all worked out fine. I think it was because my dad beseeched The Lord before we began eating to, “Let us enjoy a peaceful dinner”. The Lord heard his prayer and everyone was in harmonious agreement after that. I even got to eat crab legs.

Saturday was actually my birthday. My sister and I very wisely went out ALONE for a night of debauchery. We peacefully agreed and decreed to partake of a margarita or two….or a whole pitcher. As a general rule, I don’t drink. However, I find that as each birthday passes that I need something to dull my senses, if only for a short while. I am impressed to say that we partied for a mere $22.62. That total includes food. A 22-dollar tab is definitely a benefit of being alcohol intolerant. Sadly, we were unable to finish the whole pitcher due to our AI (Alcohol Intolerance).

There was no drinking and driving. I am a firm believer in getting a ride home after a night of debauchery. No need to tempt fate anymore than I already did with my wild partying. (A slight hint of sarcasm should be noted here) I did what anyone else would in this situation. I had my teenage daughter drive me home……..I know I know, hell in a hand basket, there’s where I’m headed.

The Drama Queen Strikes Again

2008-08-17T08:00:00.000-05:00

My daughter The DQ. That was her blog name before I came out of the closet with my kids’ names. The Drama Queen. Whoever invented that phrase was either a bloody genius, or had a child like mine. A true drama queen. I have blogged about her drama in the past. See here. To briefly recap, everything hurts really bad. For example: “Mommy I was playing ball and I twisted my wrist and it hurts really bad”.

Yesterday she and one of her neighborhood friends went for a walk. They returned a short while later. The DQ a.k.a. Kering Grace tells me a horrific story of ankle trauma. Apparently she was walking along minding her own business, when her ankle mysteriously turned, and of course it “hurt really bad”. It never appeared swollen, so I gave her the usual routine about how I was sorry she got hurt, but there is nothing to be done for a sprained ankle.

This morning she took one of those stretchy bandages and wrapped it from her NOT swollen ankle to her knee. From her ankle to her knee. Yes, I said it twice. I didn’t say a word. Next, she busted out the crutches. I still didn’t say a word, though I was mentally rolling my eyes. I didn’t say anything for two reasons. The first reason is that I woke up in a very bad mood this morning. I knew if I said anything at all, it wouldn’t be nice. The second reason is because I figured she would get to school, and the novelty of the crutches would wear off in an hour or two. Then the crutches would start rubbing her pits and become uncomfortable.

I am sure my dad down in NC remembers when I came to his house with a sprained ankle. I mean a really, truly, sprained ankle. I remember it. I actually have a real story behind mine. Not a pansy story like Keri’s about going for a walk and spraining an ankle. Who sprains their ankle while going for a walk anyway?

I have blogged about being in a foster home a long time ago. My siblings and I were removed from my mother’s home. The foster home my sister and I ended up in was really nice. We ended up with a really nice, well-to-do couple. They had a three story house (which I thought was SO cool). The phone and rang and I took off running down the stairs to answer the phone. I decided at some point that it would just be faster if I jumped the rest of the way down the stairs. I jumped and landed on my ankle. Now THIS sprained ankle was the mother of all sprained ankles. It was purple, it was swollen. My dad picked me up the next day and I went to live with him. I limped around on it for a couple of weeks. When it didn’t improve my dad took me to the doctor.

Now THAT my friends, is a sprained ankle. THAT is a real injury that I received while attempting the truly heroic act of jumping down the stairs. That was an injury to be proud of. A two week sprained ankle that required a trip to the doctor. I am telling you, that kid has NO IDEA what real pain is all about.

Only A Shell Of My Former Self

2008-08-16T08:00:00.001-05:00

I have lost my ability to resist the effects of stress. Several years ago, my life was nothing but stress. I had a boss that hated me, I didn’t really like myself very much either, I was barely making ends meet, and I was alone.

Every day involved some sort of stress, whether it was work related, or how I was trying to repair the shambles my personal life was in. I was tough. I had nerves of steel. I never cried or became emotional over my problems. I just tried to deal with them the best way I could. I was hard core. No, really I was.

After I moved from NC to TN everything changed for us. I got a better job, even though initially I took a pay cut. I had my family around for moral support. I got the joy, joy, joy, joy, down in my heart. Truly I did. For the most part, stress became a thing of the past. I had some school stress, but that was OK. It was OK because there was going to be a reward at the end of it, a college degree.

I have to say for the record, that I have no use for meaningless stress. You know money, bills, kids that need school clothes, principals that need to have their eyes popped out like little grapes. That kind of stress. I have had THAT kind of stress for weeks now. It’s been one irritating thing after another. It’s not really life threatening or anything, but it’s piling up.

The problem is that this Steel Magnolia has turned into a sniveling, whining, wimp. I can’t take it. I just can’t handle stress the way that I used to. I am not wired for it anymore. My nerves have softened over the last several years of a pretty much stress free existence. I find myself ready to throw a hissy fit or burst into tears over seemingly minor issues.

Let’s take this morning for example. Today is my birthday. MY birthday, as in Susan’s birthday. The anniversary of my birth date. My family was planning to take me out to dinner on Friday night. I was speaking with a family member whose identity I will protect. I was saying that I would really like to eat somewhere that I can get some crab legs. I heart crab legs a lot. Plus you know, it’s my birthday. The anonymous family member points out that if we eat somewhere that serves crab legs, they will be unable to attend. They would be unable to attend because their kid(s) will want crab legs. Family member does not want to pay for crab legs for their child(ren).

I have a suggestion for you. Tell your kid(s) NO. Tell your kid(s) that we are eating out for Aunt Susie’s birthday and they will not be able to eat crab legs. Tell them we are eating where AUNT SUSIE wants to eat, because after all, it is HER FRIGGIN BIRTHDAY!!!!!! Or don’t bring your kid(s) then you don’t have to worry about what they will or won’t eat!

I had to get off the phone with this person. I just couldn’t take it. I was so freakin’ pissed off. (Are you guys seeing a pattern here? I was really ticked off at the principal a couple of days ago, now I am ready to bash my own relatives). I was so upset that I was ready to UNinvite this person to my birthday dinner. Then I considered canceling the birthday dinner altogether. Then I was almost in tears.

What’s happened to me? I used to be so tough. When my dad was in the hospital several years ago I didn’t cry. When I had to call 911 for a family member a couple of years ago, I didn’t cry. When both my new nephews were born I didn’t cry. Actually I didn’t cry when either one of my own children were born. Or when I got married either. When I realized how much it was going to cost me to go to college I didn’t cry or even get angry.

Is this all it takes to reduce me to a walking black ball of fury and/or tears? COME ON!!! My ex husband doesn’t even get me worked up like this. It shames me I tell you. I do think it’s self- centered of someone to try to dictate to me where they want to eat for my birthday based on what is comfortable for them. Let’s face it, it’s not the end of the world, and it’s certainly not worth getting myself all in a snit over it. I am telling you, I can’t go on like this. I wont be able to stand myself. I will be getting on my own nerves. I will be trying to figure out how I can get away from that moody, irrational woman that lives with me. Oh! Wait a minute……that IS me.

Almost

2008-08-15T08:00:00.001-05:00

It almost passed by without me thinking about it. Almost. Keri is in fifth grade this year. This is her last year in elementary school. This is the last year she will be a “little” kid. I can already see the transition beginning to take place. This year she is asking for money for her birthday. No toys, or even clothes. Cold hard cash. She wants a Hawaiian theme for her birthday party. Definitely no characters.

She is my baby. My last child. There will be no more fruit being birthed from these loins. Next year she will begin to think I am the dorkiest, most lame person she has ever had the misfortune to come in contact with. I will become ancient, old, and uncool. Stupid also. She will think that my best years are behind me, and I should be retiring (or dead) anytime now. The respect she has for me now will go away for a while. I know it will come back later on down the road. She will wonder why she can’t have a cool mom like so-and-so’s mom.

She will think it’s ridiculous that I won’t let her wear makeup when ALL her friends are wearing it. She will think it’s ridiculous that I won’t let her wear that shirt that a street walker wouldn’t be caught dead in. The fragile bond that is between us will be broken for a while. She has always been a “Mama’s Girl”. She has always been my shadow. She loved to play but always wanted to make sure that I was nearby. Even now she will come in the front door calling my name. Looking all over the house until she finds me.

When I was going to college at night, she would always ask me how much longer it would be until I didn’t have to be gone at night anymore. Even recently she said that she is glad I am finished with school. She is glad I am home more now. By this time next year, she will be wishing I had a class to take every night of the week. She will be plotting ways to get me out of the house.

My heart will be aching for the little girl she used to be. I will be wishing that I could make time stand still and she could be with me forever. ~~As we all know, I am doomed to be a crazy cat lady anyway~~ I will long for the days that we would snuggle on the couch together. I will long for the times when I crack a joke and that look of understanding crosses her face, and I know that she GETS my jokes. Until I walk into her bedroom and see that it still looks like a pack of wild pigs live in there. Then I will be counting down the number of years left until she goes to college.

The Thrilling Conclusion

2008-08-14T08:00:00.000-05:00

Yesterday my day really got off to a bad start. The rude principal at Keri’s school really got me worked up. The long and short of it is that I used to have a roommate. When the roommate moved out, we left all the utilities in her name. It just seemed easier that way. You know, deposits and all that jazz. The school system has put a new policy in place. The new policy states that you must provide a utility bill IN YOUR NAME as proof of residence.

I understand the reasoning behind this. I am sure some people would manipulate the system and falsify proof of residence to get their kid into a different school. I however, have been living in the same house for FOUR years. In the past I have sent in a credit card or bank statement as proof of residence. This year, that is no longer acceptable. Therefore I am in a bind. NONE of the utilities are in my name. This is what I was trying to explain to the principal yesterday when she very rudely told me she was busy and I would just have to figure it out on my own.

Figure it on my own is indeed what I did. I called one of the utility companies and asked what I needed to do to have the bill switched over to my name. It was surprisingly easy. I took some time off work and went up there yesterday afternoon. The ONLY thing I had to provide was my driver’s license. Which by the way has my ADDRESS on it. I didn’t even need to provide a copy of the bill or the account number. The lady made the effective date for July 18th. I took the paper to Keri’s school and the assistant principal signed off on it.

I admit to being extremely worked up over it yesterday. I don’t think I would have been as worked up if the principal had been more helpful and/or friendly. I don’t think I would have been worked up if the last couple of weeks had not been so stressful. Sometimes you don’t know what the straw that breaks the camels back will be. Did I mention I called the school board after I got off the phone with the principal? Well, I did. They were much more helpful and friendly. At any rate, I THINK this stupid “proof of residence” thing is over and done with.

The ridiculous part is that it was SO easy to have the bill switched over to my name. If I were REALLY one of these nefarious parents trying to scam the system, I would have pulled it off without a hitch. The school will not accept my driver’s license as proof of residence, yet that is all the utility company required. The whole thing was so bogus. I took the paper from the utility company to school, the assistant principal signed off on it and I was done. That's it. No big deal.

Why is that I always manage to get myself all worked up for nothing? I swear that the NEXT time I will remain calm. Then the next time rolls around and I get all worked up again. Thinking things like:

“What if they make me pick Keri up from school? What if they wont let her stay in school and she is emotionally traumatized? She likes school. She thinks her teacher is great this year. What if I can’t provide the proof of residence the school requires? Then Keri will fall behind. I will have to quit my job and stay home with her. She can’t stay home all day by herself. She is only ten years old. If I quit my job, we will have no money. We will be forced to live in a cardboard box and visit soup kitchens. Then social services will take the girls away from me. Then what would I do? Maybe I would really become the crazy cat lady. Lord help, anything but that.”

I know it’s not healthy to get all worked up like that and think things like that. My mind always wants to gravitate towards the worst-case scenario. Is this because of the way I grew up? I mean, the worst-case scenario was usually what happened when I was growing up. There was constant chaos and drama in my life. Maybe that’s why my mind goes there. Maybe it’s just a genetic part of my makeup. That could be it, I am just one of those people plagued by irrational fears. More than likely, I am just the crazy Misfit Mom.

The School Drama Begins

2008-08-13T08:00:00.001-05:00

Don’t you just hate it when you get so mad your blood starts to boil? Then you think REALLY vengeful thoughts. I hate it when I get angry enough to contemplate physically harming another person. That’s a sign that my temper could get out of control.

In order to avoid boring you with details, I will keep it simple. Due various reasons that I would rather not get into, I am having trouble providing ACCEPTABLE proof of residence to Keri’s school. They will only accept certain documents, and I have none of those. I called the school and talked to the principal about what I can do to remedy this situation. (One of the notes that was sent home with Keri stated that if ACCEPTABLE proof of residence is not provided, Keri won’t be allowed to attend school. This is a horrifying thought to me.) The principal basically told me that she was busy and I would have to figure it out on my own.

I saw red. Then I saw blue and green. Hello! I would have to figure it out on my own? Forgive me if I’m wrong, but the last time I checked, my occupation was Staff Accountant, not principal, or school board member. Is it not her job to help parents with issues such as this? Is it not her job to ensure that children are able to be in school every day? Where the h-e-double hockey sticks does she get off!!!? I swear if I could pop her eyeballs out like little grapes I would. Pop, pop. Thank goodness this is Keri’s last year at that school.

This is not the first time I have had issues with this principal. Please understand, I am not one of those parents that is forevermore making trouble, or being rude, or telling her how to run the school. I am a VERY peaceable person. I hate being angry, I hate making scenes because I usually end up regretting it later. I called the school last year to inform the principal that I was told that Keri’s teacher had turned over a little boy’s desk and completely emptied it out on the floor. Apparently she thought he was too messy. When I voiced my concern over this behavior to the principal, she said I should make an appointment with the teacher and take it up with her personally. Is she crazy? Since when is it a parent’s job to keep a teacher in line? How did she know I am a Misfit Mom anyway?

I think I have discovered my true purposes in life.

1. To be driven stark raving mad by Wally World employees.

2. For my children to suck me financially dry until I am a pile of old decaying bones.

3. To be stomped on and abused by anyone who cares to try. (As a matter of fact, just take your best shot, I think I’m up for it)

I have a big sign on my forehead that says, “I am asking for it, please speak rudely to me at any available opportunity. Never be willing to help me under any circumstances, I enjoy being treated like crap. Not only do I enjoy being treated like crap, I like to have red hot rage coursing through my veins. Nothing is more invigorating.”

I called the school board and asked them a couple of questions about alternative methods of providing proof of residence. They were very nice, and helpful. I will find out tomorrow if this issue is resolved. I am going up to the school in the morning. Hopefully it won’t end up in a showdown between myself and Her Royal *itchiness. I have definitely put on my angry eyes.

The Misfit Mom Diaries

2008-08-12T08:00:00.002-05:00

I really like the title of my last blog. It just popped into my head. “The Misfit Mom”. I think I really must be. What is a misfit mom anyway? I am the mom who never turns the field trip permission slip on time. I am usually completely clueless about the school events. I often don’t realize anything is going on until I ride by the school and see all the cars in the parking lot. When Keri was younger, the parents used to take turns sending in snacks for the children. I was the parent that had to run out on my lunch hour and pick up snacks and take them to the school. I would forget that it was my day to provide the snacks. Let me tell you how fun that is when you work 30 minutes away from the school.

I am never able to get time off from work to attend field trips either. The school conveniently holds all field trips during the busiest week of the month for me. I am sure my boss would laugh me right out of his office if I dared to ask for time off during closing week. Aside from that, I am not really sure if I want to hang out with a bunch of noisy kids anyway. I think I would rather be at work.

The field trip permission slip is one of my perpetual mishaps. One of two things will happen. The first scenario is that the school sends the permission slip home a month before the field trip. I will procrastinate filling it out, and then it ends up lost. The second one is that some child, we’ll call her Not Keri; loses the permission slip. In either case I end up having to send a handwritten note, which says:

Please allow my child, Kering to attend the school field trip tomorrow. I am sorry I am such a lame mom who cannot send or keep up with the permission slips you send home. I am also enclosing a check for the two dollars required to attend the field trip. I apologize for having to send a check for two dollars, but I never keep cash on me, and I just found out about this field trip.

Thank You,

Susan

I am forever more getting notes telling me that Keri’s lunch account is in the negative and I need to send money right away. This usually happens at the time of the month when I am flat broke too. There was a small example of this misfit parenting on Friday. My kids had an abbreviated day. The school day was only two hours. They call it a registration day. Keri was going to ride home with her BFF and spend the night with her. We had already planned for her to catch a ride home from school with the BFF. Melissa suggested I send a note with Keri giving her permission to ride home with BFF. I shrugged it off and told Melissa she wouldn’t need a note for the first day of school. It was only a two-hour day after all. They wouldn’t know which bus to put her on anyway.

Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! Her BFF’s mom had to put Keri’s teacher on the phone for me to give her permission to ride him with the girl. I had to apologize to the teacher for not sending a note with Keri. Great, the first day of school and I am already screwing things up. Part of reason for my most recent “Misfit Mom” episodes are because I was in school and could barely keep up with anything. The other problem lies with Keri. She is the worst about not giving me notes that come home from school.

One of my favorites is when they want me to make some sort of costume. Are you kidding me? Me? Make a costume???? I think not. I am lucky to be able to get my pants on right, now you want me to MAKE something? I usually end up throwing together some of her regular clothes and then explaining to her why it really could be a costume.

This year I am determined to leave my Misfit Mom status behind me. I feel that I am doomed for failure, but it doesn’t hurt to try. I am going to clear a spot on the computer desk and get myself a plastic “Inbox”. Keri will be required to remove ANYTHING from her backpack that I need to see and/or sign and leave it in the Inbox. She is in 5th grade now. It’s time for the kid to take on some responsibilities anyway. I would prefer that she get a job, but almost ten year old kids aren’t allowed to work in this state. I will settle for her being responsible for getting important papers to my attention. After all, I can’t read the notes if they are in her backpack. The biggest hurdle is going to be for her to REMEMBER to put the papers in the inbox.

I think if it doesn’t work out maybe I should consider the possibility that I have Misfit Children. I am sure something like that must be in the genes.

The Misfit Mom

2008-08-11T09:26:00.001-05:00

My nephew came home with me from the pool on Saturday. Melissa also had one of her friends stay over. It was the end of the week and the food was getting mighty scarce in my house. There were extra kids and not a lot of food. I had milk, but no cereal; I had eggs but not enough for everyone. I decided that I would slice up a fresh pineapple and then make some muffins for everyone. Did I ever mention that I am the Queen of homemade muffins? I will share my wonderfully delicious recipe:

Go to store.
Buy Martha White muffin mix.
Go home and pour muffin mix and milk in large bowl.
Mix well.
Pour muffin mixture in muffin pan and bake at 425 degrees for 14 minutes
Voila! Homemade muffins.

Anyway, I poured my muffin mix into my large bowl, and then added 1 cup of milk. Which would have been fine if I was making TWO PACKAGES of muffins. I only had one package, which calls for a ½ cup of milk not 1 cup. I was still in my pajamas; I hadn’t even brushed my teeth yet. I didn’t want to waste the muffin mix, so I formulated a diabolical plan. I would drive to the store in my pj’s but send one of the children inside to fetch another package of muffin mix. I mean after all, I couldn’t be expected to go in the store with stank breath and in my pajamas. That would just be wrong. One of the children would have to be sacrificed. Luckily for me, Keri is an agreeable child and it was very easy to convince her to go in the store for me. Little did I know that this would set the pace for me to screw things up all day. I’m not one to have a negative attitude, but when you start the day off screwing up breakfast, that’s usually a sign that your day will not go as planned.

Public embarrassment is now my hobby. Apparently I am unable to go out in public without doing something to humiliate myself. Keri and I went to Target yesterday to shop for a backpack. She got a gift card from The SM(see previous post for clarification). They didn’t have the polka dotted one that she saw online. She settled for a hot pink one instead. We go through the line and I hand the clerk the gift card. He slides the card and then gets a peculiar look on his face.

He says to me, “It’s says this card is for Starbucks only”. I have been feeling a little snappy lately, and this immediately set me on edge, as I couldn’t afford the backpack without the gift card. I made sure to put the receipt for the gift card in my purse. I told him as I dug through my purse, “I have the receipt right here. It’s not a Starbucks card it’s a TARGET gift card”. I hand him the receipt, he looks at it and says again, “It’s says it’s for Starbucks only”. I say to him feeling kind of ticked off now, “It’s a TARGET gift card, it’s not a Starbucks gift card”. He looks down at the card at the same I do, and then he says, “This is a Wal-Green’s gift card”. Go smart girl. I handed him the wrong gift card. I had an old Wal-Green’s gift card in my purse that I hadn’t thrown away yet. It really sucks when you just KNOW you are right about something and then you get the smack down put on you like that.

Of course, once I dug the TARGET gift card out of my purse, the purchase went off without a hitch. I don’t even know why I bother to leave my house. I should resign myself to shopping online and just have everything delivered to my house, thus sparing me from putting my big foot in my mouth every time I walk out the door.

The Pool

2008-08-09T09:18:00.002-05:00

We are off to the public pool today. I feel it is my American duty to scare all the patrons with the sight of my skinny white legs. Everyone should try to make their contribution to society. I guess my hoity toity children feel that the luxurious pool I put in the backyard is not good enough for them.......... I wonder if I should shave first. mmmmwwwwwwaaaaaaaaa

Forgive Me Bloggers For I Have Sinned(Again)

2008-08-08T10:42:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was a really fun day. After work the girls and I went to the mall to do some school shopping. Both girls needed shoes and some other stuff. A lady at work had given me a coupon for JCPenney’s. I love coupons. I love coupons almost as much as I love shopping. The fun thing about a coupon that gives you actual dollars off, is that it doesn’t matter what you buy. I was able to take the sale prices PLUS get the 15 bucks off on the coupon. Isn’t that exciting and thrilling? Aren’t you just breathless with excitement? I aim to hold up my end of the bargain, and blog about the really serious issues.

Next we hit Finish Line to buy shoes for Melissa. She had already spotted a pair that she wanted and we were hoping they still had them. They did. Keri saw a pair that she wanted, but I am NOT spending 110 bucks on a pair of tennis shoes for an almost ten year old. That’s just crazy, and we all know that I am completely sane…..perfectly normal. Well, that’s my story and I’m stickin’ to it.

Next we headed to Aeropostale. (Am I spelling that correctly? That really sticks in my craw not to know) Normally, I hate shopping at the mall. As a general rule, I find the merchandise to be overpriced and I can’t afford overpriced merchandise. Melissa however, knew the Aero was having a sale and wanted to check it out. They had tops on sale 50% off. Once I figured out what the sale prices would be, I realized that I would spend about that amount for shirts at Kohl’s or some other store. We racked up. Even Keri got in on the action. I saved 87 dollars in Aeropostale. There is a big but(t) here. I completely embarrassed myself. I kept seeing this young girl arranging and sorting clothes. We needed a couple of dressing rooms, and this girl seemed completely oblivious to the customers around her. I KNOW she saw us standing by the dressing rooms, yet she didn’t ask if we needed any help. Finally I said, “Excuse me, could we get a couple of dressing rooms please?” She looked at me and said, “I don’t work here” Ooopss! My bad!

I mean, how was I supposed to know? She was a young girl, and usually young girls work in those stores. She appeared to be straightening and sorting the clothes. How was I supposed to know she didn’t work there? Being embarrassed has many levels ranging from a complete body blush to just mildly chagrined. I am putting this one at a level of “mildly chagrined”.

We ended up with 2 pairs of tennis shoes, 2 pairs of shorts, 3 pairs of underwear, and 9 shirts. Plus Keri bought a really big chunky necklace and bracelet from Claire’s. Melissa was telling me how this stuff is stylish now. I only smirked. I am sure I am not the only one who remembers this stuff being cool in the 80’s. Do you guys remember that? There some things I will be sad to see come back around.

We stopped off for an extremely healthy meal from Mickey D’s. When we got home, the girls decided to try on their clothes AGAIN. It was really sweet. The way our house is designed, there are bedrooms on either side of the living room, so the living room is centralized in the house. Keri would come out of her room and ask me what I thought, and then Melissa would come out and ask me what I thought. I can’t believe they actually take my opinion into consideration.

You how sometimes you hesitate to blog about something. You worry what your friends in blog land may think of you, or you may feel it to be something too personal to blog about. For me it’s an issue of what you fine people may think. I have decided in the interest of keeping it real, I will share.

Part of my unbelievable stress last week was money. This year has been a great deal harder on me than the last few years. One of my main struggles as a single parent is money. Emotionally, raising the girls by myself has become easy and fun mostly. As the beginning of the school year approached, I knew I wasn’t going to have the funds available to take them school shopping. That is the reason the other relatives have pitched in to help. Yet even with their help, I knew the girls were still going to need some things.

I did something I am not necessarily proud of, yet I feel as though I am probably not the only single parent to ever make this choice. I skipped out on a bill. I will eventually HAVE to pay the bill obviously….just not right now. My kids needed stuff and I won’t have them going without. You want to hear something else? I don’t regret it. AT ALL!!! Especially after they got home and started modeling all their clothes and telling me how excited they are for school to start. They are so happy! It melted my heart. When you grow up poor and being the kid that gets picked on for the clothes and shoes you wear, it does something to you. For one thing, it makes you hate school and I don’t want that for my girls. It also sears into your brain that you NEVER want your children to have to go through that. Mine won’t. I promise you that whatever it takes to get it done, I’ll do it. Now I just have to figure out how I’m going to pay that bill………………

I belatedly give myself The Cone of Safety, so you can’t judge or criticize me for revealing my heinous sin. If you leave me any nasty comments telling me how irresponsible I am……...well then you will just have to be excluded from my plans for world domination.

A Shout Out To My Peeps

2008-08-07T13:25:00.002-05:00

While I am taking a break from plotting the demise of the evil cell phone empire, I need to take a minute to make some shout outs. The first goes to Keri’s grandma in Michigan. Keri stayed with her on her trip and they had a blast. They went swimming and they shopped. One day she took all her granddaughters to the salon. They got their nails done, they got pedicures and hair cuts and styles. She also took Keri shopping for school clothes AAANNNDDD even sent some money home with her to buy school supplies and shoes. She took very good care of my baby and I am ever so grateful.

The next shout out is for Keri’s (ex)stepmother. She kept Keri for three weeks this summer. They had a blast doing all sorts of fun summer stuff. (Translation-I can’t remember what they did, but I am sure it was really fun) She is sending Keri a Target gift card so that Keri can buy a polka dotted backpack. The older Keri gets, the more particular she becomes. This year she has declared that only a polka dotted backpack will do. I thought this would be impossible at first. Through internet research, I discovered that Target carries a spotted backpack. The SM (stepmother) mentioned going shopping again for Keri this weekend. I told that the Target gift card was very much appreciated and she doesn’t need to do anything else. I’ll bet she goes anyway, that’s just how she is.

My last shout out is for my sister Dejah, who I MAY have mentioned a time or two. She is my unspoken favorite sister. OOPPSS…..did I just say that on here? Oh well, my local family doesn’t read my blog anyway. Speaking of which, isn’t it crazy that people that I have never met in my entire life read my blog, but my flesh and blood relatives don’t? Oh well, guess I should consider cutting them out of my vast estate when I die. I digress. So Dejah bought Keri some school supplies, and has allowed Melissa to babysit for her last week and this week. Melissa is using the money to update her wardrobe for school. What a big, big, help!

Now the irony. Did you know that the Michigan grandma is not even a blood relative? Did you know that NKD was adopted when was somewhere between 11-14? He was adopted by his uncle and his wife. His uncle who was married to his bio mom’s sister, then they divorced. Which means he was adopted by a relative who was not even a blood relative. Which means that Keri is no blood relation to them. Yet, she is treated as if she is. She was treated just like the other grandkids. Isn’t that really cool?

More irony. Obviously The SM is not a blood relation either. The SM’s parents have also treated Keri as if she were a blood grandchild. She has never been treated any differently than any of the other grandkids. I actually had to ask them to tone down the Christmas presents one year. It’s crazy I tell you. AANNNDDD even though The SM is now divorced from Keri’s dad, her and her family are still a part of Keri’s life. They always send her cards and gifts on holidays, they always remember her birthday. They genuinely love her.

All the aforementioned peeps making my job of raising two girls by myself, seem like it's not so much by myself. Thanks everybody!

This part is more sad than ironic. My mother is not that close to either one of my girls. I thought about what to say about that and I really don’t want to delve too deeply into that, so I will just leave it at that. Since I have been blogging about more people in my life and using code names for them, here is a list of the current players:

Susan-me….playing myself
Melissa-also playing herself-my 16 year old daughter (formerly known as Sissy)
Keri-also playing herself- my (almost) 10 year old daughter (Formerly known as The DQ)
NKD-Not Keri’s dad
TG-The Girlfriend
SM-The StepMother (Ex-stepmother as I am pretty sure she does not want to recognize any affiliation with NKD)

Confesssions Of An Ex Wife Part....uuhh Whatever

2008-08-04T20:55:00.004-05:00

Last week was very stressful for me. The beginning of the school year was closing in on my empty pocketbook. Keri was in Michigan visiting relatives. There were some issues while she was there. I have been deciding on whether or not to blog about them, and if I did how to do it delicately.

Have you ever had someone in your life that could not be relied upon? Someone who could not tell the truth or follow through with what they said? I have had someone like this in my life. I still have to deal with this person once in a while. Even though they live far, far away. They won’t. Go. Away. We will call this person “NKD” which stands for Not Keri’s Dad.

NKD has a new person in his life. Keri is not ready to deal with this new person in his life. She feels threatened and jealous. I can understand that. She told me a while back that she didn’t want to travel to see NKD if he was living with a woman she didn’t know. I told her that was fine, and that I would not force her to go if she didn’t want to. Legally, he has no rights to her anyway seeing as how he is NKD.

Him and I went back and forth for a month on this issue. He felt that I should force Keri to go up there whether she wanted to or not. I disagreed. Strongly. I feel that children should not be forced into these situations if it can be helped. Finally we reached what I felt was a suitable compromise. Keri would go stay with her Grandma up there. She would be able to visit her dad if she wanted, but would not be forced to stay in the house with NKD and his new live-in girlfriend. Also NKD was not to have his new girlfriend around Keri. Period.

Keri flat out told me that she didn’t even want to meet her. I mentioned to her a couple of times that maybe if she did meet this woman, she would find this woman to be a nice person. Keri was having none of that. That is the reason for the last “rule” of the visit. Everyone agreed. Grandma agreed, NKD agreed, and I was happy with the arrangement and felt that everything had been planned with Keri’s best interest at heart.

Why I thought that NKD would respect ANY of the compromises, I don’t know. It’s not as if he has a history of keeping his word, or being particularly honest. As soon as he got Keri to Grandma’s, the first thing he did was show up with TG-aka The Girlfriend. This I found out later from the Grandma as she was not willing to cover or lie for him. The next day, he managed to fool Grandma, and managed to get Keri out to the lake to hang out with TG.

This I found out from Keri the next day. Thank goodness I have told her that it is never OK to lie to Mom, and she didn’t even try. I was not impressed that NKD had put her in this position. When I said to NKD that I would not allow Keri to return to Michigan for another visit if couldn't abide by the terms of the agreement, he became angry with me. I pointed out to him that HE had agreed to this arrangement. HE said he would follow the terms of the agreement. I was not the one who was failing my end of the bargain. I told him that for the duration of the visit, he was only allowed to visit Keri at Grandma's house. He was not allowed to take Keri anywhere, as he was bringing TG for every single outing.

This turned into a situation where Keri was put into the middle of it. I was not comfortable with this. I reconsidered and called him and told him that if Keri was comfortable with it, I didn't mind for her to be around TG. I didn't feel that I was wrong, or that I should have to make this compromise. I did feel that it was in Keri's best interest for me not to continue to battle it out with NKD. He was going to do what he wanted anyway, with or without my approval.

Sometimes it is so hard to be the bigger person. It is EXTREMELY difficult to make compromises you feel you shouldn't have to make. What is the most disappointing about the whole thing is that I felt that NKD and I have become friends over the years. I felt like I was betrayed by someone that I considered a friend. I was stabbed right in the back. To add insult to injury, I had to be the one to call a truce. It's so easy to do the right thing when you KNOW you are doing the right thing and you feel good about it. It's harder to do the right thing, when you know it's the best you can do, but you just don't feel good about it.

Parenting when you are divorced is tricky. There are quite a few intricate dynamics that come into play. I honestly try hard to make choices and decisions based on what I feel is in Keri's best interest. I try to leave my personal emotions out of it. I want to make clear headed, logical choices for her. The problem is, sometimes I don't necessarily FEEL logical or clear headed. I might for example, be filled with an all consuming rage that threatens to devour my soul. Because...NOBODY messes with my kids. NOBODY, especially Not Keri's Dad should even want to mess with my kids.

Thankfully all that drama is over with and she is home and seemingly NOT emotionally traumatized after all that happened this week.

On a lighter note, I spent the entire day cleaning my house yesterday. I dusted, vacuumed, mopped floors, and cleaned toilets. I felt so good about all that I had accomplished, as that would allow me more time to work on the serious issues. You know, like plotting ways to bring down the oppressive cell phone companies or finding ways to torture my ex husband without doing any truly permanent damage (He is (Not) Keri's father after all) Anyway, I came home from work today and my ENTIRE kitchen floor was sticky. Not just a small section where something was spilled, THE WHOLE FRIGGIN floor was sticky. I wanted to know what happened. Melissa accused me of not being able to properly mop the floor. I told her that the floor wasn't sticky last night when I went to bed. Keri comes through the living and confessed that she had spilled orange juice and had been unable to find the mop.

I have mopped the floor THREE times and it is still sticky. The ironic part is that I haven't mopped the floor in a couple of ~~weeks~~ days. When I FINALLY give the floor a good mopping, Keri goes behind me and somehow manages to get the entire floor sticky.

Well, I suppose I should go and mop the floor. Again.

More Hood Winking and Bamboozling Attempts

2008-07-30T20:19:00.004-05:00

I thought blogging about my recent cell phone drama would make me feel better. Unfortunately, all it did was tick me off even more. Yesterday I received a letter from the cell phone company, which I will now post in it's entirety:

Dear Susan Rogers,

You've been automatically enrolled in the 2008 Blank Wireless VIP Program at no cost to you. There is nothing you need to do except take advantage of all the exclusive benefits now available to you. It's simply our way of thanking you for your continued business.

Enclosed you'll find information to familiarize yourself with the VIP Program. We've also provided you with a VIP card that lists all the great benefits you can start enjoying immediately.

We hope you enjoy the VIP Program. And thank you again for choosing America's Most Reliable Network. We look forward to serving you for years to come.

Sincerely,

Lori Spears
Manager, Preferred Customer Team

Your VIP membership includes:

Up to $50 off any new phone or PDA every year

Text alerts to let you know if you're close to exceeding your minutes and may benefit by changing your calling plan.

One time Overage Protection Credit

25% off wireless accessories

Free two day shipping on all purchases

Free phone book transfer to your new phone

Waived activation and upgrade fees

Now where do I even begin. I will start with the actual composition of the letter. Forgive me for saying, but are they too lazy to use full words? I have never seen so many conjunctions in what I would deem a professional letter. Are the words "you have" simply too long to type? What about that sentence that begins with the word "And". Am I wrong or is it not improper to start a sentence with the word "And"?

As for the so called "benefits" that I am now eligible for since I have achieved so called VIP status, what a joke! I ALREADY receive all of those benefits now, and to tell you the truth, big whoop. I have never paid shipping any time I have ordered products and phones. What about the alleged waiver of upgrade fees? I have NEVER had to pay any upgrade or activation fees either.

Let's address the fabulous text alerts that let me know when I am close to using all my minutes. I don't need alerts to check my minutes. I can simply log onto my account online or punch in 646# on my phone and I get a FREE text message letting me know how many minutes I have used.

Do they really think that people are stupid enough to fall for this crap? Do they really think that I think I am now getting some kind of special treatment? How in the world am I getting special treatment when this supposedly wonderful program includes crap that I have been getting ALL ALONG.

The last sentence, "We look forward to serving you for years to come". I will bet they look forward to serving me for years to come seeing as they just scammed me into ordering a phone that was DISCONTINUED!!!!!! A phone that I am stuck with for TWO YEARS until my contract expires again. I will bet they looking forward to the hellacious $176 dollars I spend every month. They look forward to sticking it to me any way they can.

My favorite phrase is, "at no additional cost to you". Do they really think that I am not paying for all this stuff in one way or another.

This would be my response letter to them:

Dear Ridiculous Wireless Company,

I have received your recent letter regarding my new VIP status with your company. First of all, let me say that I am extremely disappointed in your constant use of the words "you've" and "you'll". Do you have no one in your company that proof reads these standardized letters before they are put into circulation? Are you unaware that you should not begin a sentence with the word "and"? Maybe someone in your company should take a refresher English course, if I may be so bold as to suggest it.

As for the alleged "services" that I am now eligible to receive, this is the most bogus load of hogwash that I have ever had the misfortune to read. Your company has been providing me all of these services free of charge for four years. Your attempt to bamboozle and hoodwink me failed this time. I may have been stupid enough to fall for the allure of the discontinued phone that you shoved off on me, but I am not stupid enough to fall for this ridiculous attempt to make me feel special in some way.

It saddens me that you do not give your customers more credit than that. If you truly feel a desire to make me feel like a "VIP", maybe you should take back this discontinued phone and give me a free replacement phone. You do want me to be a satisfied customer don't you? You would like to continue to receive my payments and those of everyone in my entire family would you not?

Please waste no more of my precious time sending me letters to tell me how special I am. If I need a morale boost, I have plenty of people who can provide this for me. I look forward to being your worst nightmare for years to come. I look forward to bombarding your call center with requests to change my calling plan, questions about my bill, requests for recent copies of my bill, adding and taking away services and features constantly, becoming enraged at charges on my bill and swearing that I did not incur said charges and any other annoying thing that I can possibly conceive of.

Sincerely,

Hood Winked and Bamboozled

Hood Winked and Bamboozled Yet Again

2008-07-25T14:01:00.002-05:00

Dear Blank Cell Phone Company Who Shall Remain Nameless,

I am very disappointed that I must correspond with you under these circumstances. Up until now, I have been a very satisfied customer. Your dealings with me have always been fair. The customer service I have received has been excellent. I find I must question your loyalty towards me, your customer. I have faithfully paid my astronomical cell phone bill every month. I have sent new customers to your company with high recommendations. I have always spread nothing but joy and cheer regarding your company. I have acted on my own as a saleswoman for your company….with NO commission. Your service was such that I felt just a being a customer was reward enough. Now I find I must question your integrity. A couple of months ago, I became eligible for a free new phone under the condition that I sign another two year contract. I did not view this as a hardship given our very satisfactory dealings together. I found just the phone I wanted. I chose this particular phone based on my ~~need~~ desire for a cell phone with a full keyboard. I was very pleased to see this was one of the phones that I could receive for free.

I ordered the phone, feeling very confident that I was receiving a quality, serviceable phone. I received the phone and was very pleased with it. I love the full keyboard, as my children feel the need to communicate with me via text on an almost hourly basis. I love being able to efficiently type text messages without having to deal with the “abc” drama. I am also pleased with your decision to offer unlimited text messaging for a nominal fee every month. This has been a life saver having a teenager on my plan.

I decided that purchasing a cover for my very cool phone would be a wise decision. The phone was getting scratches on it from being in my purse, and I may have dropped it. Once. Yesterday, on my lunch hour, I stopped by one of your convenient locations to purchase the aforementioned cover. I was immensely disappointed to learn that your store did not have any covers for my phone. I was puzzled by this, as I knew the phone had just come out. According to one of your associates, the phone has been out for a year and has been discontinued.

What scam is this that I have been a party to? Pawning off discontinued phones to unsuspecting customers like myself is reprehensible. Before I learned of this misdeed, I ignorantly walked around thinking I had an up-to-date, technologically advanced phone. Now I learn that my phone is just a “has been” in this world of constantly changing technology. Not only is it a “has been”, now I will be unable to find the appropriate accessories. I will be lucky to be able to find a cover at this point. I will most likely be unable to find a car charger that isn’t cheap and doesn’t break within a week. That could be tragic. What if I need to call 911 and I can’t because my cell phone battery dies because I was unable to find a charger? Who will accept responsibility for this travesty of justice?

Is this how my loyalty is repaid? A customer who spends ~~damn~~ darn near two hundred dollars a month in cell phone bills SHOULD NOT be given the discontinued phone when their contract expires. I am sure your company would be most displeased if I “discontinued” making my payments every month or if I “discontinued” using your company and cancelled my contract. I think you are capable of treating your customers better than this. I sincerely hope this episode was merely a poor decision made by one of your upper level managers and not a forecast of what type of business dealings can be expected in the future. I hope you find this letter to be a helpful tool in future decision making. As for me, I fear I am stuck with my “has been” phone for the next friggin’ two years.

Sincerely,

A Top Paying Customer

P.S. Should you feel any compulsion to appease me in any way, I would accept a replacement phone that has not been “discontinued”.

Open Your Mouth And Words Will Come Out

2008-07-23T08:00:00.001-05:00

Did I ever tell you about the power of speaking up? No, I didn't think so. Our short, whirlwind trip happened so fast, that I forgot to share this remarkable story. (Insert sarcasm here)

The first night of our trip, my oldest brother came to our hotel to visit. He stayed until really late. By the time he left and I went to bed, it was pushing 1 am. I was sharing a regular full size bed with both girls. Let me tell you, it's a little difficult to get comfortable when you have about 18 inches worth of bed space. The TV was on. I assumed my sister left it on for a reason. Which is fine, but I usually sleep in total darkness. It took me FOREVER to get to sleep.

I kept waking up throughout the night because I was cold. This is not unusual. I think I have ice water coursing through my veins, I am so cold natured. I didn't want to get up and mess with the AC for fear of making everyone else in the room too hot. I suffered in silence, and without sleep. Finally, in the wee hours of the morning, I rolled onto my stomach and tucked both my arms under myself. I was finally able to get to sleep. Right about the time I was working up a good drool, the phone rang. It was 7:30 am. It was our sister, Marlette. Now, when I say it was 7:30, I mean the clock said 7:30 Eastern Standard time. My body is on Central Standard time. Which means it was actually 6:30 am.

Needless to say, Dejah and I were not pleased to be woken up. Everyone including all the kids, had been asleep up until this point. Now, we were all awake. Dejah gave Marlette a very mild tongue lashing. As her and I starting waking up and moving around, I told her how uncomfortable and cold I had been all night. She said she had been cold too, and didn't get up and adjust the AC for fear of waking up the baby or one of the other kids. Which means I suffered needlessly.

Great. Just freakin' great. Oh, and did I mention that Marlette woke us up to let us know she was going shopping. Great. Just freakin' great.

Moldy Bread (Sorry That's All I Have)

2008-07-22T19:35:00.004-05:00

I know I constantly amaze and inspire my extremely large fan base with my deep and insightful blogs, my words evoking inspirational contemplation and reaching thousands. OK, OK more like two people. Today should be no different. I got up this morning and was getting ready to make my lunch, until I spotted the mold growing on my bread. Which I just bought last week. I KNOW that bread will get moldy if sits for a while. What about bread that’s only slightly old? This is the second time I purchased bread from the store that begins with W-A-L and it turned moldy after only a few days.

If it’s not bad enough that I traipse my happy little behind across town, EVERY week to shop at this store, now I must endure bread that won’t even last a full week? Re-diculous I tell you. Some have said that I should break up with W-A-L. Maybe they are right. I have stubbornly kept this relationship alive by justifying the fact that I save SO much money on my grocery bill. Maybe I can’t see the unhealthy aspects of this relationship clearly because of my personal involvement. They always say you can see a relationship more clearly from the outside looking in.

If I list all the transgressions of said store, it appears very clear that I should look for a new store to shop in. First there was the old bat who ran me out of the self check out lane (Not that I hold a grudge or anything). Then she tried a second time on a separate visit to run me off. Next time I was accused of trying to steal her stupid pen. Now I must endure moldy bread?

It is obvious that my loyalty is misplaced in this relationship. Has Wally World put it’s faith in me? Have they trusted me to competently check out my own groceries? No. Have they shown loyalty towards me? No. They accuse me of thievery instead. Have they worked to keep me a happy and satisfied customer? No. Disgruntled and disappointed at.Every.Turn.

Have they shown loyalty and trust towards my family? No. They accuse my brother of trying to steal a pressure washerAAAANNNNDDD I think they even poked him in the shoulder. To which he responded, “If you touch me again, I will be forced to defend myself”.

Frankly, I think I have become entangled with a loser. Sure, they promise you world, but they don’t deliver. Alas I am hanging on to a dead relationship with no equality. I give them my money and they give me moldy bread and poor customer service. I think the time draws near for me to consider taking my grocery business elsewhere. Much as it will pain my pocketbook. Hopefully I won’t choose another loser store. You know, since I will be on the rebound and everything. I may be a little sad during this time of transition, but I will make it through. After all, this is not my first experience with losers.

Note the "sell by" date of July 22nd. Which is TODAY. My bread should not be moldy.

Susie's Series of Unfortunate Events

2008-07-14T21:29:00.007-05:00

I hate to give a blog title such a dismal name, but anything else would just be pretentious. This story will start out very pleasant and happy. It will end with a trip from hell designed by the very Devil himself to torture me for all of my misdeeds throughout my life. He gleefully plotted against me. I can picture him now jumping up and down and rubbing his hands together in joyful anticipation of the horror which I am about to relay.

Sunday morning we slept until nine. We got up and started getting the kids ready and loading all of our stuff into the van. It took almost two hours for us to get everyone ready and out the door. We stopped at Cracker Barrell and had breakfast with my brother.

Doesn't everything look normal so far? I even took a decent picture and I didn't even take a shower before we left. But don't tell anyone.

After breakfast we said our goodbyes to my brother and headed to the gas station before we started our trip home. In the time it took us to load the kids in the van and get to the gas station, the baby had a poopy diaper. We got gas and changed the baby and got on the road.

Within the hour, the baby had another poopy diaper, and some of the kids had to pee. We stopped and changed the baby and let the kids use the restroom. Within ANOTHER hour, the kids had to pee again, and the baby was fussy. Melissa was complaining of feeling car sick, so her and I traded seats. ~~The baby was screaming his little head off and I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown~~ I couldn't settle the baby down and we stopped yet again for Dejah and I to trade. I took over the driving.

Dejah doesn't like the way I drive, and she is vocal about how she thinks I should be driving the van. We got to Knoxville, and I saw signs noting that there was a COMPLETE INTERSTATE SHUTDOWN AHEAD. Great, just freaking great. And it was raining. We would have to detour and go to Chattanooga and then pick up Interstate 24 to get home.

See? I told you this was a tale of horror. Once we neared the area of the shutdown, traffic came to a complete stop. The kids were arguing, the baby was fussy, and the adults were getting snappy.

We FINALLY got on Interstate 75 heading towards Chattanooga. It took us over an hour to get there. Once we got there, there was ANOTHER FLIPPIN' TRAFFIC JAM. The kids are restless and so is everyone else. There were also moments when it was raining so hard, I could barely see out of the windshield. Joy and happiness were not.In.Our.Van.......at all.

See the traffic? I wanted to make sure our SOUV (Series Of Unfortunate Events) was caught on camera. Evidence you understand. You can't tell a tale like this without evidence. I almost took a picture of the poopy diapers, but common sense prevailed.

The drive through Chattanooga was beautiful, despite all the drama. We stopped in Chattanooga for the kids to use the rest room ONCE AGAIN. I just don't understand where I have gone wrong. The drive down was SO GREAT. The weather was beautiful, the kids were great, everything went so smoothly. Who could have predicted that the ride home would an experiment in the three T's? (Torture, Terror, and Trouble)

The last two hours of the trip were horrible. Horrible because we knew that had the interstate not been shutdown (it was a chemical spill) we would be home already. Poor Dejah was barely able to keep Piglet from screaming his head off. She snapped at me, I snapped at her. The kids were fighting over the most ridiculous things. They were SO tired of being in the van. Logan said, "If I would have known this trip was going to take so long, I just would have stayed with my daddy".

We finally got home and unloaded our stuff. Melissa went straight to her room and shut the door. Keri got the phone and then went over to stay with her best friend. Dejah later told me that Piglet had screamed all the way from my house to hers. We live 8 city miles apart. What are city miles? They are the same thing as country miles, with a lot more stop lights. I imagine the ride home seemed endless to her. Next time I think about it, I need to ask her what she did to get the devil after her.

I left a couple of things in her van and had to drive over to her house and get them. I was not impressed. I was glad to be home. I could NOT BELIEVE how vile the trip home had been. It really was a continuous "Series of Unfortunate Events".

Poopy diapers
Kids that need to pee every five minutes
Blinding rain
Interstate shutdown
Traffic Jams
Wreck (Which I forgot to mention)
Fussy baby
Fussy kids
Fussy adults

I think we got stuck in traffic AT LEAST three times. Which is three times too many if you ask me. The trip home shattered all my illusions fantastic road trips filled fun and excitement.

A couple of side notes

My brother actually witnessed Keri's "hurts really bad" drama. He recognized it immediately from faithfully reading my blogs. Also, when a family member who lives far away reads your blogs, it cuts down on the number of stories you have to tell when you visit them. On the other hand, it is nice that family can check in on you anytime they want to. Day or night. Blogging works well, especially for people who are not "phone" people. I am so glad my friend K talked me into setting up this blog. If nothing else, someday when I am old and my memory is failing me, there will be some record of the goings on in my ever increasing family.

Dad-it was really good to see you. Sorry I didn't get to say goodbye before you left. I love you!

The Long Road Home

2008-07-14T20:34:00.008-05:00

The following people left out on a trip to my home state on Friday morning:

1. Susie (That would be me)
2. My mom
3. Dejah
4. Marlette
5. Alicia
6. Joshua
7. Matthew
8. Isaiah
9. Nicholas
10. Logan
11. Piglet
12. Keri
13. Melissa
14. Brittany
15. Little Matty

Count them, that's fifteen people. To be more specific that is seven adults and eight children traveling in three vehicles. First off we were running behind schedule. This was mildly irritating but not a big deal. We get on the road and have a fun trip. The children were well behaved. They did not require us to stop every hour to pee. They did not fight amongst themselves. Piglet was well behaved. He did not cry or scream hysterically. We enjoyed caravaning and having the secure feeling that we were all in this together. We were able to proceed with a minimum of stops.

Once we were close to the NC border, we stopped for gas. On a hunch, I bought a lottery ticket. I won 75 bucks. How great is that? I am not a big lottery player. I buy a few tickets here and there. I was very excited. See what a great trip I we were having?

We decided to stop for a picnic lunch at a very lovely rest area just inside the NC line.

See the beautiful rest area? Isn't it great?

See the beautiful mountains? What a lovely place to stop and eat lunch. We all brought food and we found a lovely shaded picnic table. We ate lunch and continued on our way. Our trip is still fun and exciting. Stopping and giving the kids a chance to run was a brilliant idea. I can't remember if I am the one who thought of it. Since it's my blog, I will assume that I did and take the credit.

The scenery on I40 is beautiful. The mountains are fabulous. I tried to capture the beauty, but I am unfortunately not an expert photographer as you can see.

The rest of the day was very pleasant. Well, mostly pleasant. Within about five miles of reaching our destination, Piglet filled his diaper. The odor was so revolting, I was afraid I was going to gag. We stopped at a gas station very close to our hotel. There was no way we could make it to the hotel and then wait to get checked in to get that diaper off that boy's backside. It was the most foul thing I have ever smelled.

Brittany's mom met us at the gas station to take her home. Brittany is Melissa's friend who had stayed with us for a few weeks. Only Dejah, myself, and our kids were staying at this hotel. The others had made other arrangements. We got to the hotel and checked in, then we immediately took the kids to the pool to let them get out some of their pent up energy. Another wise decision. I don't remember if that was my idea either. I am feeling extremely generous, and I will let Dejah take the credit for that idea.

We called my oldest brother B to let him know we were close by. Apparently, due to poor communication, he didn't realize that THIS was the weekend we were coming down. No one called him. Not me, Dejah, Marlette, Alicia, or Mom. B is a good brother, he took a shower and came right over to our hotel to see us right then.

We hung out and B said that he wouldn't be able to come the next day to our mini reunion. He didn't realize we were coming, and had already obligated himself to take care of some things. We were devastated. No one called my brother J either. He didn't know we were in town either. (Aren't we a well planned bunch?......Aren't you envious of our planning skills?)

Marlette decided that it was a good idea to call and wake us up early, since no one ever sleeps in on vacation. We had stayed up late the night before and Dejah and I were not impressed with her. We got our brother J on phone. It just so happened that he and his wife didn't have anything planned for the day. We changed our plans at the last minute and decided to meet at his house. It was closer to our hotel and closer to B. Maybe we could talk B into coming if the location was closer. We packed up all the kids and headed over to J's house. This worked to be a much better plan. B was able to come also. It is a very rare occurrence that all of us seven kids are together. We were missing my younger brother, but everyone else was there. Six out of seven isn't bad.

You want to know what the strange thing was? My NC dad was there. Him and my mom have been divorced since I was a baby. It was really strange to see them in the same place. I don't know if I have any memories of them being in the same room together. It's very weird I tell ya.

After our mini reunion which included all the above mentioned people and the following peeps:
I wonder if I can use real names? I don't know how my brothers feel about having their real names on my blog. Oh well, too late now.

1. Ben (older brother)
2. Jeff (older brother)
3. My dad
4. Paul (my other younger brother)
5. Becca Lynn (my niece I got to meet for the first time)
6. Gloria (my aunt)
7. April (Jeff's wife)

Those seven added to the original fifteen makes 22. My sister-in-law was sssoooooooo gracious to let us all raid her house on the spur of the moment like that. She was absolutely great. Thanks to April.

After we returned to our hotel and rested, we let the kids get back in the pool.

We let them stay in the pool for four hours. It's very difficult to have five children and two adults cooped up in one hotel room together. The pool kept the kids entertained ~~and out of our hair~~ and occupied. The good times were almost over, we just didn't know it yet. Stay tuned for further details.

Tidbits

2008-07-10T16:36:00.002-05:00

A few tidbits of things going on........

Melissa was filling out a job application for a major electronics store who shall remain nameless. She filled out all the basic information, then moved on to what I am assuming was a personality assessment. The questions were really hilarious. I will list a few that I can remember:

1. It is maddening to you when guilty criminals go unpunished.(I can't sleep for days when an obviously guilty criminal is set free. It riddles me with anxiety)

2. You require a lot breaks when working on a difficult task.( I don't know about you, but I require a lot breaks no matter how easy or difficult a task is)

3. You are easily annoyed by others.( Yes, the mere presence of other human beings occupying the same space as me, is extremely annoying)

4. You enjoy listening to your friends talk about themselves.(Yes, I love to listen to ANYONE go on and on and on about themselves. I can't get enough of it actually)

I mean it was completely ridiculous. Does anyone answer these questions in a manner which is unflattering to themselves? I was cracking up. Not only that, but it took Melissa an HOUR to get through the entire application. Ridiculous I tell you.

The following exerpt is a cell phone conversation I had a couple of days ago:

The setup: My cell rings and I see it is my dad:

ME: Hello?

DAD: To whom am I speaking?

ME: Thinking my dad is messing around with me, I say in a business like tone: This is Susan

DAD: Susan who?

ME: Realizing that my dad really has NO CLUE who he is talking to, I become exaperated: DAD, IT'S ME!

DAD: Oh! OK! I found this number on a piece of paper and I didn't recognize it. I didn't recognize your voice either.

Gee thanks Pop.
************************************

We are off to North Carolina in the morning We will have eight people traveling in a seven passenger van for a minimum of six hours. Please pray for us. Don't worry, I'm bringing my Ipod......and maybe some nerve pills. Does anyone remember hearing the expression, "I need one of my nerve pills"? Well, I think I could be needing some "nerve pills" tomorrow.

Fun Fourth

2008-07-05T11:00:00.003-05:00

I am utterly exhausted. Last year we began a tradition of having a Fourth of July cookout at my house. It works out beautifully as I have a decent sized back yard. We pitch in and buy fireworks, we have hamburgers and hotdogs. This year, we had my luxurious pool for the children. It was a life saver. Do you know how boring it can be for small children to sit around and wait for dark for the fireworks to be shot off? The pool helped a lot with the younger kids. Even the two new babies had fun.

The weather was cloudy and not hot. This made for wonderful cookout weather. Our state sells fireworks. Good fireworks. Dangerous even. I find that I can't resist the allure of setting off fireworks in the backyard. The kids love it. We lived in NC for years, and they don't sell anything more than firecrackers and sparklers. So we ate and listened to music until it got dark.

Last year we had a firework mishap. One of them tipped over and shot out everywhere. I really concerned about it so I made a "stabilizer" so that we would not have a repeat of last year's fiasco. What I didn't count on, was one of the fireworks being lit upside down. My sister did that. I won't say which one, in order to protect her identity. I realized it was upside down as soon as she lit it. Several thoughts ran through my head but the only thing I could scream was, "IT'S UPSIDE DOWN, SHE LIT IT UPSIDE DOWN!!!". No else realized the gravity of the situation. Once sparks started shooting everywhere I think everyone realized how dangerous it was.

Next year I will be checking for firework stability and I will implement a system to verify that the fireworks are being lit in an upright position. I should probably concede that fireworks are dangerous and give up my fireworks display. I won't for a couple of reasons. One is that I don't host a great deal of events at my house and I like the fairly new tradition of our Fun Fourth cookout/fireworks show. I love you people, but all of your admonitions and warnings will more than likely go unheeded. Thanks for trying though.

*****************************

My sister left out yesterday morning to drive to Ohio to pick up a van she bought from Ebay. Nick and Logan (her sons) stayed with me after the fireworks Friday night. Are any of you aware that 6 and 8 year old boys will wear you out? I didn't know. I have two girls. Saturday morning they let me sleep in. strike After everyone was awake and had breakfast, the boys wanted to get in my luxurious pool. Which they stayed in pretty much all day. My luxurious pool does work fabulously for entertaining young kids. When it was time for lunch, I made PB & J's and sliced apples for everyone. We had a picnic lunch on my back deck. I put a blanket down and we all ate outside. The kids thought this was the most wonderful thing ever. Then it was back in the pool for the remainder of the afternoon. Finally, when they were all exhausted, they came in and went in Keri's room to watch TV. I took advantage of this quiet time by going to Wal-Mart to pick up groceries.

I was so exhausted from our afternoon in the pool, I could barely manage to shop. I had to because I had five children in my house and NO FOOD. Not a good combination AT ALL. By the time I got the groceries home and unloaded, I could barely speak. I had picked up a couple of movies at Wal-Mart. Incidentally, did you know if you browse through the 5 dollar movie bin at Wally World you might actually find a movie you like? I found "A Series Of Unfortunate Events" for the kids and "Thelma and Louise" for us girls.

I spread blankets on the floor for the boys, turned on the movie, and within 20 minutes they were both asleep. Which was my ingenious plan all along....yeah, that's right. I planned it the whole time.

I am paying the price now for my weekend in the sun. My forehead, nose, shoulders, legs, and scalp are sunburned. Yes, I said my scalp. I applied sunscreen, but I think it was too late by then.

This pitiful blog has taken me days to compile, so I am kinda throwing everything in here. This weekend, all of "the sisters" and boyfriend/husband are traveling to our home state to visit relatives. Dejah and I and our respective children will be traveling in the van she bought. We are going to have a total of 8 traveling in the van down there, seven returning. I am curious to how this trip will play out with all of us traveling together.

I will TRY to keep my blog updated. Ben, Jeff, and Dad....hope to see you soon!

ANOTHER Wal-Mart Story

2008-06-29T16:03:00.004-05:00

Just when I think I can't endure any more humiliation, I am proven wrong. I don't know who I ticked off in the cosmic universe, but someone out there is none too pleased with me. Why does Wal-Mart have to be the source of my humiliation? Are they unhappy with the number of posts about them? Maybe they think even negative advertising is good.

Actually, this particular humiliation was sort of my fault. Do you remember the Wal-Mart lady? The mean one who told me I had too many items to go through the self checkout lane? The one who tried to run me out of the self checkout lane? If you are a new reader, click here for more details. She was working today, and it just so happens that I was shopping today. I didn't have as much as usual, so I proceeded through the self checkout. She didn't try to run me off this time. Maybe she remembers me, maybe not.

I was checking out my groceries, and I was distracted. I was distracted because I am a nut. Instead of focusing on my groceries, I was thinking about that mean woman. I was thinking maybe I had been too hard on her. Maybe I should just let the last time go. While all these thoughts were going through my head, I prematurely swiped my card. I didn't hit the "credit" key before I swiped my card. The automated system DID NOT like this. At all. It beeped a message at me to tell the cashier to hit the credit key. Then it indicated that I should hit cancel and start over. The whole time this scenario is playing out, I did not look at Dr. Evil even once. I would not give her the satisfaction of knowing that I was having trouble with the machine.

She eventually came over and pointed out what I had done wrong. I KNEW what I had done wrong, I didn't need her to tell me. Then she said,"What about these filters?" I told that it was a return I was taking to customer service. Yes, I know what I will do today, I will steal some filters for the pool I bought for the kids, and I won't even try to hide the fact that I am stealing them. I will leave them in my buggy in plain sight. Anyway, she was unable to get the machine to accept my transaction and had to call over a manager. The manager came over and did something to the machine. It still wouldn't work so he had me go over to Dr. Evil's station. My humiliation was complete. Now I HAD to deal with Dr. Evil. She ran my card through and handed me the slip to sign. She didn't give me a pen. I didn't want to raise any more of a ruckus, so I fished one out of my purse and signed the slip. I was even trying to be nice to her. I shouldn't wasted my energy.

Good, that was pretty painless, right? Hah! As I was walking away, she called out that I had taken her pen. I told her no, she didn't give me a pen and I had used my own pen. She didn't believe me! She started arguing with me while simultaneously looking for her pen. She said it was a black pen. I told her no, I used a blue pen...OUT OF MY FREAKIN' PURSE YOU MORON!!! OK, I didn't really call her a moron. She found her pen and I continued on my way.

I was feeling bad about the last run-in I had with her. Obviously, I need not feel guilty. She is still the same rude cashier that she was the last time I had dealings with her. The beauty of it is, had I been paying attention, I never would have needed to even acknowledge her presence, much less have her accuse me of stealing her stupid pen, if I hadn't swiped my card before selecting a payment type.

I guess I mentioned that I bought a pool for the kids. A large, very luxurious pool. It is so big that I feel I should be careful not to brag. I wouldn't want anyone to be jealous of our very fabulous pool. It is a whopping 8 ft x 30 inches.

See, I told you that you would be jealous. Try to contain yourselves.

T-R-O-U-B-L-E

2008-06-25T19:37:00.004-05:00

Today was the day from h-e-double hockey sticks. I can't remember when I have had a more miserable day at work. I try to avoid blogging about work, after all you never know who is reading this stuff. This one is a doozy that I feel must be shared.

I got to work early this morning and checked my email. I had an email from a client requesting some information they needed in order to pay some invoices. The email was completely foreign to me. I didn't know the person who sent it to me. It was a forwarded email that this person had sent a couple of weeks ago...to me. Which I did not get. It was also copied to my boss. My boss promptly comes over and asks me if I have sent the information. I search in all my archived folders and can find NO PROOF that I received this email, even though it was obvious that it had been sent to me TWO WEEKS AGO. I was completely dumbfounded. My boss asked to find where I had sent the information to the client.

While I was doing this, The Boss went to his office and printed off an email he had sent to me, asking me to send this same information to the client. It was also dated for a couple of weeks ago. I had NO PROOF that I had received his email either. We determined that I had not sent the information to the client as requested. He wrote me up. I understood why he wrote me up. He asked me to provide a client with information, and I didn't do it. I told him I understood, but wanted him to know that I would never intentionally not take care of something he asked me to do.

The more I thought about it, the more my gut screamed at me that something was very wrong. I would never delete an email from my boss. I would never carelessly disregard his instructions to help a client. I had NO recollection of ever receiving or reading the email he sent to me.

I went to the IT department and asked if it was possible for an internal email not be received by my computer. I was told that was not possible. I thought about it some more, and my gut was still telling me that someone had some splaining to do. I persisted. I ONCE AGAIN asked IT the same question again. This time, I was asked if there were any attachments associated with the email. I said that there were indeed two attached files to the email. I was told that IF an email contained files that were over a certain size, that I would not receive the email.

By this time I was to' up from the flo' up. I was branding myself an incompetent loser, incapable of performing my duties. I can't remember a time when I have felt so badly about myself. I couldn't believe I had been so careless. Yet the other part of me was saying, "Hey, you would not delete an email from The Boss. If you read the email, you most certainly would not disregard it. You would handle a request from a client most promptly".

The IT department sent me a test email containing a large file. I didn't get it. It was lunchtime now, and most employees including my boss were out to lunch. For the first time in my life, I was going to have to go to my boss, and tell him he was wrong. That I in fact, NEVER received the email from him or our client because of the size of the file attached.

The rest of the lunch hour passed slowly as I paced the halls, waiting for him to return. When he returned, I went into his office with my hands shaking. After all, it's never fun to have to point out an error to a superior. I was not looking forward to it, but I was excited at the thought of vindication.

I explained how upset I was over what had transpired this morning. I let him know this was the reason I went to the IT department. I didn't want him to think I was trying to pull anything sneaky. I told him everything I had learned from the IT department, and asked him if he would tear up the "write up" paperwork.

He gruffly said he would and I thanked him. I returned to my desk to attempt to get something accomplished. I heard him come over and ask IT if it was possible not to receive an email because of the size of the attachment. Once this was confirmed, he spoke with the head of the IT department and went back to his office. He called my phone and asked me to come back over. I was thinking, "Great, now I'm in even more trouble". I went over to his office again and he said that he owed me an apology. I told him that I was just relieved to clear my name.

I want to be someone that can be depended on. I want to be the kind of employee that gets things taken care of. I don't want to be the person that constantly needs to be checked after. I felt like this episode would make my boss feel as though I couldn't be counted on to take care of business.

I am so glad that I listened to what my gut instinct was telling me. I am SO GLAD that I didn't just let it go. For me, it wasn't about being right, it was just about clearing my name. I am also glad that I have the kind of boss who will apologize if a mistake is made. I am glad that he listened to what I had to say, and then checked it out for himself. I am VERY glad that I am not an incompetent loser.

Tequila, I really need that tequila now. It's a shame I don't drink......or have any Valium handy. I think I can resume my plans for world domination once again. My credentials have been restored.

A Side Note About My New Blogroll

2008-06-24T11:54:00.002-05:00

I just started working on this, so I have more blogs to add. I just don't have access to ALL my favorites from work.

Crime and Punishment

2008-06-24T11:32:00.003-05:00

I heard an interesting little segment on my favorite radio show a couple of days ago. They did a segment where they had listeners call in and tell the most unusual punishment they received growing up. I am going to sort of steal their idea. Of course it won’t be exactly the same as this is a blog.

My TN dad was something else when we were little. I am sure having four children ranging from 7 to 2 was an experiment in agony, for the adults anyway. One of fun things for us as children was having so many other siblings to blame our numerous misdeeds on. In this case, we all chose denial rather than blame each other.

I don’t even remember what the crime was. All I remember is my dad lining us all up in a row. He said he was going to use an old Indian trick (back then no one used the words Native American so excuse the use of the word Indian) to determine who the perpetrator was. He whipped out his pocket knife and his silver Zippo lighter. I still remember that shiny silvery lighter. He lit it and held the flame under the knife and told us he was going to get the knife hot. Then he would put the knife on all our tongues. The knife would not burn those that told the truth. The guilty party would have their tongue scalded. I remember knowing that I didn’t commit the crime, but I was still worried about getting my tongue burned. I mean, after all, it was a hot knife.

The knife didn’t burn my tongue and I remember saying something like, “Daddy I didn’t do it! The knife didn’t burn my tongue” in an excited voice. I didn’t figure out until I was an adult that he didn’t really get the knife hot. I really thought he did. I remember thinking when I was a little older how mean that was. Actually, I think I must have been traumatized because it is one of only a few memories that I have as a small child. Knowing my TN dad as an adult, I realize that he wouldn’t scald our tongues with a hot knife. I suspect he was trying to teach us a lesson about all of us saying we didn’t do it, and the importance of telling the truth. I learned that if you lie, Daddy will put a hot pocket knife on your tongue. Oh I’m just kidding! Actually as a parent myself, it’s really pretty diabolical. I have to give him respect for that creativity of the idea.

What was your unusual punishment? Would you use it on your kids? Or even better than than, did you use an unusual punishment? I need to know so that I can ~~steal your ideas and use them on my kids~~ conduct some very important research. Yeah, that's it.

World Domination Must Wait

2008-06-22T18:54:00.004-05:00

Death. Or near death. That's the subject of the day. I went to get Melissa today from her summer trip. Her friend's mother and I meet halfway. Did I mention that I have been driving every weekend for the last four weeks? Well, I have. Kind of annoying if I do say so myself. Much to my own dismay, I took Melissa's car again, even though I said I wouldn't.

After driving for four hours by myself without stopping, I decided that Melissa could drive us home. One of the benefits of picking her up in her car. I am not sure if she is covered under my insurance to drive mine.

We are driving along just fine, when all of a sudden, the cars in front of us were slowing down and stopping. My daughter wasn't. I screamed BRAKES!!!!!! MELISSA BRAKES!!!! My daughter with all of her vast driving experience (she got her license in January) decided that she had a much better plan. Instead of slowing down or stopping, she would simply weave in between the cars. Which she managed to do successfully without getting us killed (obviously). Then there were no more cars to weave around because everyone was stopped. She WAS NOT slowing down. I screamed again, "DAD GUMMIT MELISSA........ BBBRRRAAAAKKKKKEEEESSSS!!!!".

We barely escaped with our lives. She says I am being dramatic, but I beg to differ. She did managed to get stopped with nothing worse than a spilled soda all in the floorboard. My heart was pounding, I felt nauseated, and my knees were weak. I am not one who is prone to being fearful, but I am telling you, my entire life flashed before my eyes. I have NO IDEA how she managed to weave through those cars or get us stopped without us having an accident. I don't even think she checked her blind spots. It turns out a pickup truck lost a mattress from the back of the truck. From what I could tell, it hadn't been tied down. The mattress landed right in the middle of the lane.

I had to allow about thirty minutes before I felt calm enough to talk to her about what happened. It took that long for my heart to stop pounding. It took that long for the weak feeling in my knees to subside. I am not sure if I have ever been that scared in my entire life. Of course Melissa is young and probably doesn't see it the way I do. I used to be so cool. I remember being a teenager of 18 and taking off on a long road trip in a piece of junk car all by myself. As a matter of fact, I remember one trip that took place where I left out at 10 at night and drove all night long. In the dark. By myself. I didn't worry that the car wouldn't make it. I didn't worry that if I did break down, that I could be kidnapped and mutilated before anyone even realized I was missing. I didn't worry that my young face would be plastered all over news with headlines such as, "Girl driving piece-of-crap car never arrives at her destination. Details at 11".

Now I carefully plan my trips so that I arrive before it gets dark. I am always mindful of the condition of the car that I am driving. I am always mindful of the speed limit because ~~I had a couple of tickets when I was younger~~ driving over the speed limit is unsafe. I have become the woman that puts her purse in her car, and locks it in before I unload my groceries. I also look around as I am leaving a store just to be aware of my surroundings, and those in it. I make sure all my doors and windows are locked before I go to bed.

A few years ago, I may have been able to laugh at what happened today. (Which I guess it is sort of funny, if you like nearly being killed by your own daughter) That girl is gone. In her place is a worried, cautious, extremely anal woman/mother. Of course this does reinforce my belief that Melissa is too young to travel on her own. I wonder if she would have stopped if I hadn't been there to ~~scream at her~~ save her?

I have composed a short list of considerations for taking trips where you may contemplate letting your teenager drive.

1. DON'T DO IT!!!! PLEASE, I BEG YOU. IT'S FOR YOUR OWN GOOD.

2. If you decide to disregard consideration #1, be sure to have valium, or a nice bottle of tequila under the seat. I promise you, it WILL be needed.

3. If you decide to forgo consideration #1 but are contemplating consideration # 2, you may need to take along a barf bag. This barf bag will be multi-functional. You can use if you have to barf because of the teenage driving, or if you drink too much of the tequila.

4. Never leave home without the lime or salt. Personally that's the only way I can stomach tequila.

OK, OK, that last one really doesn't help much, but tequila is some yucky stuff. At any rate, due to my trauma today, I am putting off my plans for world domination. I feel that if I can't stand teenage driving, I might need to reconsider my qualifications as a person who could dominate the world. I'm only being realistic.

My Daughter's Perspective

2008-06-20T21:06:00.003-05:00

Finally, at least one of my daughters is home. Something to blog about. I become increasingly aware over the last several weeks that my life is dreadfully dull without the girls. Sad, but true. Yesterday, a local convenience store was crashed into. A young driver hit the gas instead of the brake and completely ran her small SUV into the Quizno's part of the store. I mean, COMPLETELY into the store. I tried to find the picture to link but I couldn't. It just so happened that Keri was there right after it happened. She called to tell me about and said and I quote, "You should have seen it Mom, it was so cool". Somehow, I don't think that the girl who crashed her SUV thought it was cool. She then proceeds to tell me, and I quote again, "The worst thing about it was we didn't even get to be on TV". Again, I don't think that girl thought that my daughter not getting to be on TV was the worst part.

Oopps, wait I found it. Click here.

Not only did she crash her car into a store, now she has to suffer the humiliation of having it broadcast ON THE NEWS. I seriously think there is not much going on where I live........

Patience Is A Virtue (Or So I Hear)

2008-06-20T12:14:00.004-05:00

I fill my gas tank up every Thursday morning on my way to work. I am spontaneous like that. I love the thrill of shaking things up. OK, maybe not so much. Anyway, I stopped yesterday morning to fill my car up with gas on my way to work.

I got out and filled my car up, oblivious to the world around me. I just don't have it in me at 7:15 am to care what is going on in the world around me. So I fill my car up and get back in my car. I slide my card back into my wallet, then grab my Ipod. I wanted to untangle the earbuds and get it going before I got back out into traffic. See, I don't like to be distracted while I am driving. I realize that all it takes is a split second for an accident to happen. I really don't believe in too much multitasking while one is driving. If I need to check myself in the mirror, I do it at a red light. If I need to apply lip gloss, same thing, I wait until my vehicle comes to a complete stop. Did you know that if you talk or text while you are driving that you have the same reflexes as a drunk driver? Neither did I until recently. It's something to think about, but I won't preach.

So back to the story. I am getting myself situated in the car and I hear a horn beeping. I glance up and see that there is a car behind me waiting to use the gas pump......and they are honking at me to move. I was livid. Have I mentioned that I don't really happy my happy face on before 8 in the morning? I think I have a time or two. Honestly, it didn't take me THAT long to put away my card and get my Ipod ready. COULD YOU JUST GIVE ME A FEW MINUTES HERE!!!! My first instinct was to jump out of my car give that "b" a piece of my mind. How....freakin'......rude!!! I decided that exiting my vehicle and confronting the cow was not the most mature thing to do. All though, every.pore.in.my.entire.body...longed for confrontation.

As I started pulling away, I glanced around to see how busy the gas station was. To my unending fury, there were at least four gas pumps available. Yet that woman was behind me like that pump was the one shooting out gold nuggets or something. I can't believe she was honking at me.

Why is everyone in such an all-fired hurry I wonder? Is whatever you are trying to get to that important? Are you really in THAT big of a hurry to get to work? Frankly, I'm not.

While I am on my soapbox, don't you hate when you go through the drive-thru and they shove your money in your face and expect for you to just throw your money in the floorboard and move along? Can't we just have a moment to put our money away? Maybe I would like to count my change. It stands to reason that if my order is wrong consistently, that maybe my change is wrong too. I refuse to give in to this. I always calmly take my change and put it away, then move along.

Well enough ranting for now, I am off to plot world domination and to figure out how to bring down the oppressive management. While I'm at it, maybe I should just pour lemon juice into my eyes.

The Bad Ole Days

2008-06-19T12:29:00.002-05:00

Did I ever tell you about the time I worked two jobs? No?……I didn’t think I had. In 1997 I finally got my own apartment. I barely made enough money to pay the bills and buy food for Melissa and I. Shortly after we moved in, my car broke down. (Of course, don’t ya know that’s how it goes?) My car broke down to the tune of about 600 dollars. Which I did not have. I had just moved into this apartment, and the idea of having any savings was completely foreign to me at this time. I could barely afford to eat, much less save money.

I had a real dilemma. I worked for a small company as a receptionist. I reported directly to the owner of the company. He was willing to loan me the money and he was willing to accept installment payments. I already knew that I didn’t have enough in my meager budget to allow for this. Hence, the second job. I was ~~desperate~~ lucky enough to be able to go back to work in a restaurant I had worked in before. Melissa had an in home sitter at this time because I couldn’t afford regular daycare. Her sitter was willing to keep her on the nights I had to work. So, my day would go like this: Get up at 5:30 am (because I lived 45 minutes from where my day job was) get ready, get Melissa ready, drive 45 minutes, drop her off, go to work, work all day until 5. At 5 I would go in the bathroom, change into my waitress uniform and go to my second job. It was hell right here on Earth.

Since I am all about keeping this real, I have a confession to make. I sucked at being a waitress. My tips reflected that. It wasn’t that I couldn’t keep orders straight or brought out the wrong food. I had two things working against me. The first one is that I tend to wear my emotions on my face. Which means, if I am ticked off, it shows. The second, was my unfortunate bad temper.(Does that mean I was temperamentally challenged? It could be real…right?) All it took was for someone to be rude to me and it would send me on rampage of stomping around and muttering and carrying on. Most of the time, I would carry on in the back of the restaurant where customers couldn’t see or hear me.

Once in a while, I would fill in as a hostess. Let me tell you “The Rules” of subbing as a hostess when you are a waitress. If you are subbing as a hostess, you are not supposed to wait on tables. One reason is that the pay scale is different for each respective position. So on this particular day I was working as a hostess for whatever reason. The restaurant got pretty busy quickly. There was this gnarly old man sitting in a booth near my hostess station. As I was running around trying to seat people, he caught my attention or something. He was ranting and raving about how I wasn’t doing my job, and I should be waiting on him, blah, blah, blah. Don’t you just love it when customers tell you what your job is? Like there is circular that is passed out that has all of your job duties in it for all the patrons to peruse. Maybe they are published in the newspaper so that all customers will be armed with the knowledge of what you are supposed to be doing. This way if you are failing in your supposed duties, one of them will be able to quickly point out where you are going wrong, and exactly how and what you are supposed to be doing. I digress. Sorry. Anyway, I let that old gnarly man have it. I was having one of those days where I had just had enough. I was a broke, tired, single mom and putting up with his crap was the last thing I wanted to do. I basically told him that MY JOB was to make sure that customers had a place to sit. MY JOB was not to wait on him. IF HE would be patient, a server would be with him soon to WAIT ON HIM!!!

I don’t remember how long I did this. I want to say maybe a couple of months. I would leave work at night anywhere between 10 and 11 at night. Then I would pick Melissa up at the sitter’s, go home, go to bed and do it all again the next day. Pretty soon, another opportunity for me to repay this loan became available. The person who had been cleaning the office where I worked decided they didn’t want to do it anymore. I offered to take over. It was really a sweet deal. I made extra $350 bucks a month for cleaning the office every weekend. It took about four hours to clean. I quickly turned in my notice at the restaurant and took over this cleaning job. It was perfect. I could bring Melissa with me and instead of having to work three or four nights a week, I only worked four hours on Saturday or Sunday. Bliss! Joy!

Thinking back on this time in my life, I realize that things were really hard. The “hard times” I experience now are nothing like the “hard times” of back then. Hard times back then included wondering if there was going to be food on the table. Hard times now are much different.

My pending student loans are what brought this memory to the forefront of my mind. In a few short months, it will time for me to begin repaying my student loans. After a careful budget analysis, I have determined that in order for us to remain a little comfortable, as opposed to strapped, I need to take on a part time job. Which is sort of a bummer since the whole reason I went to college in the first place was to make things more comfortable for my family.

Anyone know of any offices that need cleaning?

Confessions Of An Ex-Wife Part V

2008-06-16T14:52:00.000-05:00

I found myself alone with two children to raise by myself. I had a low paying job and a home I couldn't afford by myself. Around the time my ex-husband left, my little sister found herself pregnant. She was fearful for the safety of her unborn baby. Without her permission, I can't reveal anymore details than that. We talked and she decided to move to my state and we would live together.

Through a friend of hers, we found a place that we could afford. In the middle of all this, I had been given a promotion at work. Financially, this was the best thing that could have happened. It would allow me to be able to provide for the girls without any government assistance.

I can't put into words how devastated I was over the breakup of my marriage. I meant every word of my wedding vows. The overwhelming sense of failure and rejection was crippling. Not to mention that my ex-husband and I were now in a place where we couldn't have one conversation without it erupting into a fight. He pushed every.Single.One. of my buttons. I think he was doing it on purpose, I just didn't realize it at the time. He insulted me, my home, my parenting capabilities, and anything else he could think of. I responded by cursing him out. The filth that came out of my mouth was surprising, even to me. Not only that, he had very quickly found someone else. I later found out that they had started seeing each other before he left me.

Boy I can really pick em'. Now I had to deal with the break up of my marriage and the fact that he was seeing someone else. I was consumed with jealousy. I can honestly say that this was the emotional bottom of the barrel for me, and I wasn't emotionally healthy to begin with.

I did the only thing I knew to do. I started praying, and I prayed hard. I truly believe that all kinds of doors were opened to me because of this. I had ended this marriage with nothing, and slowly things started to get better. Me, the self proclaimed atheist, was turning into a Believer.

For quite a while, I blamed my ex-husband completely for the downfall of our marriage. In time, the Lord began to show me some things about myself. Not very nice things either. Things about my attitude, and the way I handled things. I do believe that he would have left regardless of my attitude, but it certainly didn't help things either.

My sister stayed with me through most of her pregnancy. I don't know how in the world she was able to tolerate me as long as she did. I wasn't letting anyone get to close to me. I still had a great deal of healing to do. Not only from my failed marriage, but as a person also.

I eventually landed an office job that allowed me to work regular hours and to get assistance paying my daycare. I was still bitter, but healing just a little bit every day. My ex and I had horrible fights as I mentioned earlier. One day I realized how tired I was of the fighting. It could be over money, visitation or anything at all. One day he called and was reading me the riot act once again. I remained calm. I didn't cuss or yell or name call. I simply told him that I was sorry he felt that way and that I was not going to argue with him. I told him I would no longer be responding to his tirades. It was like a freakin' miracle. He apologized and that was that.

It took a long time for me to perfect my ability to remain calm. Sometimes I wasn't able to do it. I would always feel like a failure when I allowed him to get to me. I kept at it though. Eventually, the out and out brawling came to a halt. That's not to say that we never disagreed. The unhealthy attacks on each other stopped. I was able to communicate with him and express myself without being a stark raving lunatic.

I find that people tend to take you more seriously when you are able to remain calm. Yelling and screaming most of the time makes you appear to be irrational and without control of your emotions. There are times when I just have to hang up the phone. If a conversation with him is getting me nowhere, I simply end it. I refuse to be sucked back into that old habit. Of course we still disagree on things as my last post stated. Unfortunately for him, he has not changed over the years, but I have. I realize that I jumped into a serious relationship with him way to soon. I just didn't want to be alone. Had I waited to get to know him better and taken things more slowly, I imagine the outcome MAY have been different. Then again, maybe not. I believe I HAD to have this experience in my life. If not, I wouldn't have Keri and I could never take her back, or wish that I didn't have her. This experience changed me, and I believe for the better. Someone asked me recently if I would ever be able to allow another man into my life. The answer is yes. I will not allow this experience to rob me of my faith in men or in basic human kindness. One of the joys I have found in reading blogs is reading about people who have good relationships. Not perfect ones, but good healthy relationships. I love reading about men who are good to their wives and good to their children. It 's not too late for me. It may not be in the cards for me, and that's OK too.

One of the thrills about healing and being a healthy person is to be happy alone. I think if I can't be happy by myself, then I am not capable of being happy with someone. It is not the responsibility of our spouses to MAKE us happy. Not that they don't, but it shouldn't be their job.

I have no desire to jump head first into a relationship with a man. I have my daughters to think about. They both have fathers, though flawed they may be. I don't expect anyone to step in and help me raise my children. The best I can hope for is that, should someone come into my life, that they would at some point be willing to be a friend to my kids, and treat them with respect.

Eventually my ex remarried. Not to the same woman he was seeing when we split up. I was still grieving over losing him, and his marriage was a difficult blow. Despite my personal feelings about it, I did allow Keri to spend time with him and his new wife. I didn't like it, but I didn't want Keri to miss out on time with her dad because of my feelings. She became very attached to his wife. His wife treated Keri as if she were her own child. I was very jealous about that too, but I kept it under wraps for the sake of my daughter.

I was jealous because of the bond between the two of them, I was jealous that her stepmother's family had money and could do so much for Keri than I could do. It made me feel so incompetent. After a while, I realized that no one could take my place as her mother. I realized that I needed to see everything that they could do for her was a blessing in my life and not something I should be jealous of. It was a blessing to have them help buy her school clothes, or that really expensive toy she wanted that I couldn't afford. None of the things that they help out with is anything for me to be jealous of. I will always be her mom, no matter what. I have the privilege and joy of getting to be here for all of her milestones. I carried her and gave birth to her. I took care of her when she was sick. I was there when she started walking and talking.

For a long time I didn't realize how lucky I was for Keri to have such a wonderful stepmom. Many children are not that lucky. Many stepparents are not as giving with their love as K has been with Keri. She opened her arms and her heart to my daughter from day one. For that, I will always be grateful.