Only A Shell Of My Former Self

I have lost my ability to resist the effects of stress. Several years ago, my life was nothing but stress. I had a boss that hated me, I didn’t really like myself very much either, I was barely making ends meet, and I was alone.


Every day involved some sort of stress, whether it was work related, or how I was trying to repair the shambles my personal life was in. I was tough. I had nerves of steel. I never cried or became emotional over my problems. I just tried to deal with them the best way I could. I was hard core. No, really I was.

After I moved from NC to TN everything changed for us. I got a better job, even though initially I took a pay cut. I had my family around for moral support. I got the joy, joy, joy, joy, down in my heart. Truly I did. For the most part, stress became a thing of the past. I had some school stress, but that was OK. It was OK because there was going to be a reward at the end of it, a college degree.

I have to say for the record, that I have no use for meaningless stress. You know money, bills, kids that need school clothes, principals that need to have their eyes popped out like little grapes. That kind of stress. I have had THAT kind of stress for weeks now. It’s been one irritating thing after another. It’s not really life threatening or anything, but it’s piling up.

The problem is that this Steel Magnolia has turned into a sniveling, whining, wimp. I can’t take it. I just can’t handle stress the way that I used to. I am not wired for it anymore. My nerves have softened over the last several years of a pretty much stress free existence. I find myself ready to throw a hissy fit or burst into tears over seemingly minor issues.

Let’s take this morning for example. Today is my birthday. MY birthday, as in Susan’s birthday. The anniversary of my birth date. My family was planning to take me out to dinner on Friday night. I was speaking with a family member whose identity I will protect. I was saying that I would really like to eat somewhere that I can get some crab legs. I heart crab legs a lot. Plus you know, it’s my birthday. The anonymous family member points out that if we eat somewhere that serves crab legs, they will be unable to attend. They would be unable to attend because their kid(s) will want crab legs. Family member does not want to pay for crab legs for their child(ren).

I have a suggestion for you. Tell your kid(s) NO. Tell your kid(s) that we are eating out for Aunt Susie’s birthday and they will not be able to eat crab legs. Tell them we are eating where AUNT SUSIE wants to eat, because after all, it is HER FRIGGIN BIRTHDAY!!!!!! Or don’t bring your kid(s) then you don’t have to worry about what they will or won’t eat!

I had to get off the phone with this person. I just couldn’t take it. I was so freakin’ pissed off. (Are you guys seeing a pattern here? I was really ticked off at the principal a couple of days ago, now I am ready to bash my own relatives). I was so upset that I was ready to UNinvite this person to my birthday dinner. Then I considered canceling the birthday dinner altogether. Then I was almost in tears.


What’s happened to me? I used to be so tough. When my dad was in the hospital several years ago I didn’t cry. When I had to call 911 for a family member a couple of years ago, I didn’t cry. When both my new nephews were born I didn’t cry. Actually I didn’t cry when either one of my own children were born. Or when I got married either. When I realized how much it was going to cost me to go to college I didn’t cry or even get angry.

Is this all it takes to reduce me to a walking black ball of fury and/or tears? COME ON!!! My ex husband doesn’t even get me worked up like this. It shames me I tell you. I do think it’s self- centered of someone to try to dictate to me where they want to eat for my birthday based on what is comfortable for them. Let’s face it, it’s not the end of the world, and it’s certainly not worth getting myself all in a snit over it. I am telling you, I can’t go on like this. I wont be able to stand myself. I will be getting on my own nerves. I will be trying to figure out how I can get away from that moody, irrational woman that lives with me. Oh! Wait a minute……that IS me.