Cats and Scary Stuff

So a couple of days ago I went on the back deck. My lazy cat came running towards me. My lazy cat had something in her mouth. What could it be? A mouse. No, not the one that is living in my house, one she found outside. So.....let's get this straight. Not only is she NOT going to catch the one living in the house, she insists on only catching "outdoor" mice. What is wrong with me? What is wrong with me that my beloved cat, who has been a part of our family for SEVEN years, refuses to do her job and rid our house of one little vermin mouse?


Did I mention I am working two jobs now? I am working at a department store. I thought it was going to suck a whole lot worse than it actually does. I work with some REALLY nice people. So far, only one problem. My poor little pampered, spoiled, office working feet are killing me. The shoes that I have been wearing to work are from the devil. My feet absolutely throb by the time my shift is over. I purchased a pair of shoes Friday night from said department store cuz I get an employee discount. I tried on the display shoe and didn't bother to try on the pair that I actually bought. Mistake. Big mistake. I got the shoes home and they didn't fit. I didn't have time to exchange them before my shift this morning.


My feet are killing me. After my shift was over I exchanged the shoes for a different pair. Please let them leave my poor feet in fluffy softness. Please don't let my feet ache and throb the way they do now. As it gets closer to the holidays, I know that I will be working longer hours and comfortable shoes will be very important.


I overheard Keri talking to one of her friends last night. She was discussing whether or not they should go on  a haunted hay ride. Let me tell you something about Keri. She is a wimp. She will have nothing to do with anything remotely scary. If she even THINKS something will be scary, she covers her face. She apparently has a solution for this dilemma. She told her friend that if anything creepy gets up in her face that she will "punch them in the freaking nose".


She has been listening to her mother too much. That sounds just like something I would say. The only problem here is that I KNOW she is so wimpy, that if something scary does happen she will more than likely scream and then cry. I didn't say anything to her. I didn't want to ruin her illusions of "punching someone in the freaking nose".


So I really thought that I was going to hate working two jobs. I know there are going to be times when it's hard. I really thought it was going to make me feel bad about myself that I need another job. That is not the case. I like going to my second job. I love the feeling that I am DOING something about the finances in this house. I like the fact that I go to work, punch the clock, do my job, and then go home. There is no stress going home with me. I just do what I'm told then I'm done. I was afraid I would have "authority" issues. So far that has not been the case.


I think I will be doing most of my Christmas shopping at this store, you know, cuz I get a discount. They also offer special days where associates receive extra discounts in addition to the employee discounts. How cool is that I ask you? I will continue working this job through the holidays. If I continue to like it the way I do now,  I will probably continue working there. I could really use the extra money.

I know I have a million more things to blog about, I just can't seem to think of them at the moment.

I Think I Am Anti- Mouse

Well, capture of the mouse remains elusive. I have spotted the little vermin THREE times today. Yes count them, 1-2-3 times. Does this mouse not realize that he is supposed to stay hidden and not dart out from behind furniture and race across my living room floor to the next safe place? This could only happen to me. I bought two traps and have yet to catch the little booger. Even though he seems to be everywhere. Poor Keri made one of the cats sleep with her. She spotted the mouse in the bathroom and that was it for her.

I have to say that I was against the murder of mice. Last year we spotted one at work. You can read all about it here. We set a trap and caught the mouse. I felt sorry for it. I didn't think we should KILL the mouse. Couldn't we just trap it and release it into the wild or out in the parking lot at work? That was before a mouse came to live in my house!! Death to the mouse I say! That freakin' critter has got to go. I considered trying to catch it and let it go. Unfortunately, I am firmly convinced that if I simply catch it and release it outside, it will just get back in the house again. That is completely unacceptable. 

I bought one of those "No Touch No See "  mouse traps. Apparently our little critter is too smart to fall for that. He seems to run everywhere but into the traps. No time to carry on and on, I must go and try to figure out how to outsmart the furry little demon.

Details, Details

It is time for me to seek absolution. From you, my fellow bloggers. I disappeared for a month. I confess my sin and repent. I sort of feel like I had some good reasons. There was NOTHING even remotely interesting going on in my life. I was sick of spending all day on the computer and then going home and sitting in front of the computer. I was really starting to feel like a whiner. Everything was always bad, it seemed like I all did was use this blog as my personal whining space, a place to vent about all my doom and gloom. Well….nothing has changed. This is still my place to whine and complain although, a nice long break has refreshed me and given me some new material to work with.


Last week I was checking my bank account online. I usually log in once a day just to check things out. I immediately noticed purchases I had not made. I knew my bankcard was in my wallet because I hadn’t used it in days. You know, cuz I don’t have any money. I knew I hadn’t made any recent purchases, once again cuz I don’t have any money. Treachery was afoot. Lies and deceit abounded. I felt financially violated. I got on the phone to my bank right away. They cancelled my card and refunded the money back to my account. Granted it wasn’t a great deal of money, but it was still MY $43.61. I guess someone hacked into my computer and got my bankcard number. Obviously it was someone who does not know me. Anyone that knows me, KNOWS that I don’t have any money. Anyone that knows me also knows that even if I did have money, I wouldn’t keep it in my checking account. My checking account is for bills only. I almost feel sorry for the poor sap that decided to rip off my bankcard number. Almost. There is a small part of me that would like to find this person and rip their heart out, fry it in a pan and shove it down their throat.


Last night seemed to just really suck. After dinner I was watching TV and I thought I saw moment out of the corner of my eye. I was immediately tense. I was tense because I knew whatever this movement was, it wasn’t anything good. After all, nothing good ever sneaks around in your peripheral vision. Only vile, sneaky, furry things sneak around like that. Sure enough, a couple of minutes later I saw it darting along my wall and run behind my entertainment center. A mouse. A furry, disgusting, sneaky, vile, rodent. IN.MY.HOUSE!!!!!! I couldn’t scream. I couldn’t freak out or yell. Why? Because that would cause mass hysteria in my house. Well, as much mass hysteria that can be created by three people. My heart was pounding, my breathing was labored, I was close to panic. I decided not to upset the girls by telling them about the mouse because at least one of them would react with something like, “Mom, I can’t sleep with a mouse in the house. What if it crawls on me while I sleep?”. See what I mean. Panic would have overtaken the entire household.



I have a question. We have three cats. Two of them stay outside most of the time. But still…You mean between the THREE cats, not one of them can muster up the energy to catch this mouse? Only I would have cats that wont catch the mice. That is so wrong.



A few minutes later, the phone rang. I answered it. It was my credit card company informing me that I have not made a payment on one of my credit cards since July. Great. Just friggin great. I just forgot. I have no excuse. I made payment arrangements and ended that call as quickly as possible.



I have once again proven my worth for the title of “Misfit Mom”. Keri warned me a couple of weeks ago that she had a project to do for school. I of course, forgot all about it. She forgot all about it. Until last night. It was due today. We had to run out and by the stuff for her to make her project at 8pm last night. This was in addition to the bill collector that called, and Micky Mouse (Spelled incorrectly on purpose). Since we had to run out anyway, I decided that I would mosey on over to the bug spray aisle and pick up a couple of mouse traps very nonchalantly. Keri says, “Why are you looking at mouse traps? We don’t have mice.” It was like her mind could not grasp the concept that I might be looking at mouse traps because we actually have a MOUSE. I very calmly informed that yes we did have a mouse, and that I had seen it with my very own eyes. She did not have a “come apart” as I had expected her to. I guess it doesn’t seem real to her since she didn’t see it with her very own eyes.



Keri stayed up until about ten working on her project. Then she went to bed and crashed really hard. Without a bath. And she really needed one. Who let their kid go to school dirty today? Me that’s who. Who had to run out at the last minute and buy materials to make an animal cell? Me, that’s who. I really think I have this Misfit Mom thing all wrapped up.



So……..in summary in ONE night I had to deal with a mouse, an unpaid bill, and the school project. I personally think that’s too much for any woman to deal with in one evening. I mean, the mouse did me in. That was enough for me.



You know how everyone always says that money can’t buy happiness. I disagree. To a point that is. Now that I know I have this part time job and that I will soon have extra money coming in, I feel MUCH better. My stress level is not nearly as high. Yes, it sucks that I will have to be away from home more. However, I am sure I am not the only single mom out there who has to work two jobs. It may end up being just through the holidays anyway. We’ll see how it goes.



So thanks for tuning in to more whining and complaining. I hope I was able to change it up and keep it interesting by whining about something besides my messy house/children or my financial situation.

The Month In Summary

I am so ashamed that I haven't blogged in a flippin' month. Sit down and get comfortable while I attempt to summarize the last month. Let's see, let's see, where to start. How about with Melissa? OK, works for me. Melissa FINALLY got a job and has been working. Unfortunately, she does not get a lot of hours in. I merely suggested that she keep her eyes open for something that might offer her a few more hours. To which she immediately bit my head off and chewed it up. And swallowed it. (Maybe PMS? I don't know)

Fast forward to last week when she informed me that she is not getting enough hours and she is going to look for another job. HOW SMART!!!!!!! WHERE DID SHE EVER GET AN IDEA LIKE THAT? Not from me, apparently. I guess it's not cool for your mother to offer a perfectly reasonable suggestion. I guess if you are a teenager, you must ignore your mother's advice, wait a few weeks then pretend like it was your idea the whole time. Oh well, guess I can't win them all.

Melissa braces finally came off. She wore them for 2 1/2 years. I am embarrassed to report that I have become the "Retainer Nazi". I find myself constantly squinting at her to see if she is wearing her retainer. If she is not, I immediately begin my tirade about how I spent near 5000 DOLLARS on those braces and she better wear her retainer. Then my head spins around and I levitate off the floor. OK, not really. She is not too happy with this new role that I have taken on. She usually says something like, "Mom, I'm 16 years old. I know I am supposed to wear the retainer. I only took it out so I could eat". Oh, my bad.

Keri has decided to give up her life of being a good kid to become a criminal. I am not allowed to reveal what she did exactly, so I will skirt around it. It involved her and another girl. It also involved vandalism......and toilet paper........and eggs. Nothing was broken or destroyed. I was so shocked that she did this. I just couldn't believe it. My baby. My sweet little girl, turning to a life of crime. OK, OK, I exaggerate. Anyway, she was grounded and made to clean up the mess she made.

In other, other news, I got a part time job. I didn't want to, but I felt I had no other choice. The holidays are right around the corner and we will not be getting bonuses this year. Not to mention those pesky student loans I have to deal with. So I went for the interview on Friday afternoon after work. I figured I would be there for 30 minutes at the most. I was there for.two.friggin'. hours. I have never experienced anything quite like it before. My first mistake was thinking that I would be the only person there for the interview. I arrive at the store. (I will not be revealing the location of my part time job at this time) There were at least ten women in line waiting for the same interview. We stand around for about ten minutes, then we are lead into this sort of meeting room. It was a group interview. I had never heard of such a thing. The first order of business was to let everyone know that if they are not available to work around the holidays, they should just leave.

Next the interviewer began asking questions and each person had to answer said question. The first one was, "If you saw a fellow employee stealing, what would you do and what do you think should happen to them?" Give me a break. Where do these questions come from anyway? If I didn't REALLY need this part time gig, I would have said, "Personally I admire people who steal, and I would NEVER report someone if I saw them stealing. Heck I might even ask them for pointers on how I too can get away with stealing". The rest of the questions were equally lame. Next the interviewer and her "assistant" stepped out of the room on the pretense that they needed to get some paperwork or some such nonsense. What they were really doing was standing outside the door talking about us and deciding who wasn't going to make the cut. Hah! I was right. They came back in and called three people out of the room. Then they came back and said that the rest of us were hired pending a drug screening and reference check.

I have never had to sign anything stating my willingness to work the specified hours. I felt like I was signing my life away. Oh well, at least I can make some extra Christmas money and I get a 15 % discount over and above the sale prices.

We also got invested with fleas, the cat ate a mouse and left the head in the living room, we got rid of the fleas, AND my baby sister Alicia is getting married next week. Whew, I'm tired just thinking about all that. Hopefully this is the end of my hiatus and I am back in blog world. I sure missed you guys.

Who's The Meanest Mom Ever?

Did you guys know that girls equal drama? Well, they do, especially in my house. Take Keri for instance. You all know her signature quote, “It hurts really bad Mom”. Which is used for any injuries real or imagined. You also know that I implemented my brilliant plan, Operation: Make Slaves Out of My Children. This operation seems to be successful thus far. With that being said there are still things that I myself must do.




After all, I can’t have them washing my work clothes. I don’t want their grubby little paws anywhere near clothes that I wear to work. Mainly because everything I own must last for EXTREMELY long periods. I should get a good five years out of a pair of slacks. So I was puttering around the house a couple of nights ago, doing things that only I can do. As I performing these various tasks, I notice that Keri has several messes in her bedroom and bathroom. It briefly crossed my mind to clean it up, then I remembered. There is a new world order in this house. I implemented Operation MSOOMC to PREVENT me from having to do everything.



In a calm and reasonable voice I told Keri everything that I saw that she needed to clean up, which went something like this: “Keri, you need to clean up the mess you made in the bathroom. Also I noticed that you have several clean outfits wadded up on the bed. Those need to be hung up in the closet. You also need to pick up your dishes from the computer desk and put them in the dishwasher. There are also a couple of wadded up pieces of paper on your bedroom floor, you need to clean that up too”. (The clean outfits were because she changed clothes three times before settling on an outfit)



No big deal……right? Not in my house. Keri flings herself down on the bed with her face in the mattress. She starts to cry. After a few minutes of ignoring her, I get a little frustrated and ask her what the problem is. Her response was, “I just feel like you gave me so much to do that I don’t even know where to start”, as she boo-hoos some more. Are you kidding me? Now I am a LITTLE upset. I tell her, “Keri, how do you think I feel when I have to come home, cook dinner, wash dishes, sweep and mop, and do laundry everyday? You don’t think I feel like I have too much to do?” Oh the drama! You would have thought I told the kid she had to clean the entire house by herself. I only asked her to clean up the messes that SHE made!!!



She pouted for a few more minutes, and I was forced to use my stern mother voice. I told her that she could pout all she wanted to, but she WAS going to do her share and she WAS going to clean up the messes that SHE made. Aren’t I so mean? Aren’t I just a horrible mother? My blackened heart should be ripped out, baked in the sun and then tied around her neck. I don’t even know how I live with myself.

Missing In Action

This week really got away from me. It was our "closing" week at work plus we were off Monday, which translates to a very stressful work week. BUT......my house was clean. Since I implemented operation "Make Slaves Out of My Children" things have been a lot more pleasant around here.....for me anyway. How did I do it you ask? I will share my wonderful top secret secret.

I LAID DOWN THE LAW. I told my beautiful offspring the following: "We are all in this together. We are a family. There is no reason why I should have to do ALL the housework around here. You will help out whether you paid or not. I don't get paid for cleaning the house, and you might not either, deal with it".

I am not kidding you it was that simple. One of the secrets to parenting is letting them know who the boss is. The boss is me. I pay the bills. I run this house. I am the one and only parent. Therefore my children need to understand who is the queen of this domain. This is a dictatorship, not a democracy. Slowly a system is coming together. Melissa and I take turns preparing lunches for the next day and getting the coffee pot ready. I had both the girls start helping with getting dinner ready. Everyone helps out with everything. I usually call Keri and assign her chores on a "needs to get done basis". One day I might have her do the dusting. One day she might get the thrilling chore of vacuuming the living room.

Having the extra help has truly energized me. You would NOT believe all I have accomplished in the last week. Let me stop for a moment and share the horror of Keri's room. It will shame me to share this with you, but in the interest of keeping it real I feel I must. I decided while Keri was gone last weekend to attack her room, and attack it I did.

I started in the corner by emptying her toy box. I just dumped it upside down on the floor. You really would not believe the CLOTHES I found in there. Yes, clothes. That my friends is only the beginning. Her bed is not completely against a wall. There is barely enough room for me to fit between her bed and the wall. It was SO disgusting back there. I found the following and I am NOT making this up:

popcorn
popcorn bag
Whoppers
3 cups
5 spoons (yes FIVE spoons)
3 bowls
popcorn kernels
empty yogurt cups
an empty Sonic bag (don't ask cuz I have NO idea)
a trillion papers and posters
socks
clothes
a slice of apple

We'll just stop right there. I cleaned it up. I cleaned it ALL up. I spent an entire Saturday cleaning and organizing her room. Yep, all day. I worked so hard in her room that the next day, my butt and legs were sore. Which might be due to the fact that I don't exercise enough, but we don't need to talk about that.

I made a new rule: NO EATING OR DRINKING IN YOUR BEDROOM FOR ANY REASON. This resulted in a pouting session that lasted about an hour. Keri says to me, "Where am I supposed to eat?" Ummmm how about in the kitchen, where normal people eat. I told her she could eat at the kitchen table. She says, "But I always watch TV while I eat". I said, "Not anymore you don't" Then she wanted to know if she could eat at the computer desk. I told her she couldn't because then she would be dropping food in the keyboard. Like the keyboard is not disgusting enough right? She finally came up with an idea. She sits on the floor in the dining/computer room on a blanket. She uses the internet to pull up her favorite shows, and watches from there.

I am OK with that. As long as NOT ONE morsel of food goes into that bedroom, I don't care if she eats outside.

I also started cleaning out the bedroom closet. OH YEAH! I know what's wrong gotten into me lately. Well a couple of things. The first is that I recognize my need to control something in my life. I have so many things going on that I CAN'T control, that I am really clinging to the things I can. Like my house for instance. The other thing is that since I am getting help from the slaves...I mean, children I have more time to do some of the other things besides the day to day chores.

Things are finally starting to look up. I dealt with the financial crisis I had when I very irresponsibly spent bill money on school clothes for the kids. It took some doing, but I am coming out of it. Melissa has a job interview at Fazoli's tomorrow. We are ecstatic about that.

Tonight I have five girls in my house and I may not live to see another day. It's Keri's belated birthday sleep over. Joy and rapture. You think boys are noisy? Wait till you have a houseful of 10 year old girls.

Keri gave me a very cute verbal description of school pizza which I will now quote, "It's like a piece of cardboard covered with salsa and sprinkled with rotten cheese". I busted a gut when she told me that.

We had a hermit crab incident a few minutes ago. Let me tell you about Bubbles the hermit crab. Keri and her friend E both got hermit crabs last NOVEMBER. Bubbles is beloved member of our family now. Keri called me into her room a few minutes ago to tell me that Bubbles was dead. I was trying to console her, saying things like, "Keri, Bubbles lived a long life, most hermit crabs don't live for almost a year. You were lucky to have her as long as you did. I know it wont be the same, but we can get you another hermit crab". It cracks me up that I have to console her over the loss of her beloved hermit crab. I mean it's not like they're cute and cuddly or anything. Anyway I came back to the computer and a few minutes later she called me back in there. Wait a minute, Bubbles isn't dead! She shed her shell. I am not sure what the technical term is but that's what happened. I had even picked up what I thought was the hermit crab, and sure enough it looked dead to me.

It has become Karmic law that I must have at least one bad day every week. Thursday was my bad day for this week. I cut my alarm off in my sleep. We were late leaving the house. I dropped Keri off and headed to work. Only I couldn't get to the interstate. It took me about thirty minutes to go about a mile. When I finally got to the commotion, there was a stalled car in the middle of the street. What's wrong with people anyway? Didn't that guy KNOW that I was running late for work? Didn't he know I would be coming through the area. So I got to sit in traffic fiending for my coffee for thirty minutes. The inhumanity and injustice of it all. Why must I be so put upon?

Let us all hope Melissa's interview goes well tomorrow. If not I am likely to hurt her or myself if she doesn't get her own source of income soon.

Tales Of A Single Woman

A couple of weeks ago, the warning light came on in my car letting me know I needed to put air in my tires. Which I did. The light didn't go off. I shrugged it off and assumed the light was broken. Last week I had the oil changed in my car. I will now reenact the scenario which took place at the oil change station:

Me: Could you check the air in my back passenger tire? I think it might be low, the light is on.

A few minutes later:

Valvoline Dude:uuuuuu ma'm, your light is on because you have a nail in your tire.

Me, responding very brightly:

Oh, that's why the light didn't go off.

This is why I have no business doing anything other than driving my vehicles.