Sunday, June 1, 2008

Confessions Of An Ex-Wife Part III

Isn't there a saying that says, "the road to hell is paved with good intentions"? I left off with me telling my then boyfriend(who would later become my husband) that he could move in with me...several WEEKS after we began dating. I can honestly say that I fell head over heels for him. He was charming, funny, outgoing, honest(so I thought at the time). He had these great blue eyes and dark hair. He was great with Melissa. Her dad was pretty much absent at this point. He would disappear for months on end and we wouldn't even know where he was. Me being the imbecile that I was, I thought this was the recipe for a great relationship. So what if he was kind of arrogant and a little obnoxious, I could overlook that. After all, I wasn't perfect myself. I was still trying to figure out why in the world he was interested in me.

He moved in and I was on cloud nine. Now my life was going to be perfect. I finally found true love, and having someone to help with the bills was nice too. Lord he even cleaned up after himself. He helped make up the bed in mornings and even picked up his dirty clothes.....which lasted about two weeks.

Lesson # 5 Never, never move in with someone you barely know. It's best to take time to really get to know someone. In the early stages of dating, everyone is on their best behavior. Obviously even I was able to keep my nuttiness at bay for a short time. I think it probably takes about a year before the bloom of new love begins to wear off enough for you to determine a person's flaws. It 's up to you to decide which flaws may be deal breakers. Oh I almost forgot. 75 percent of people who live together before they get married, end up divorced.

We had our first argument shortly after he moved in. One night the phone rang. It was a woman. Asking to speak to MY boyfriend. We had caller ID so I could see that she was calling from out of state. I remember asking her what her name was and then being overcome with jealousy. If I could have, I think I would have reached through the phone and choked this woman. In a fury I marched to the bathroom and flung open the door. The look of surprise and embarrassment that came over his face still makes me giggle. I pretty much shoved the phone in his face and slammed the door. Nothing like a furious woman shoving a phone in your face while you are on the toilet.

When he came out of the bathroom, I went nuts. You see, little did I realize that I had control issues now. I had control issues because I had let Melissa's dad walk all over me and treat me like crap. I was not going to let anyone else to that to me again. My word would be law. I WOULD be running this show! (Ha, ha, ha boy was I stupid) I let him know that I would not tolerate women calling my house for him. He explained that she was his ex girlfriend from back home and she still had some of his belongings. I didn't care if she had the secret to world peace. I would not be putting up with it regardless.

I really think that after that night, the new bossy, controlling me emerged. I was not going tolerate anyone interfering in the perfect life that I had planned for us. We were going to be a happy family no matter what. I was going to make it happen. This time I was going to get it right. He was going to make all my problems go away.

Lesson # 6 Never think that another person is going to MAKE you happy or MAKE all your problems go away. That is a terrible burden to put on another person's shoulders and it is so unrealistic. You have a better chance of being abducted by aliens and used for reproduction experiments.

A couple of months later, a friend called and told me that she had a dream and she knew I was pregnant. I told her that was crazy. A doctor had told my boyfriend a few years earlier that he would never have children. His sister confirmed this for me shortly after we began dating. Then a couple of days later, I bought a pregnancy test on the down low. I didn't tell anyone that I was taking it. I got a negative result and didn't think much else about it. Until a few weeks later when I still hadn't gotten my period. I called my doctor and told him I thought something was wrong with me. Maybe an infection or something. He told me he couldn't see me until I had taken a home pregnancy test. I told him I had taken one a couple of weeks earlier and had gotten a negative result. He advised me to take another one and call him back. At this point I let K know what was going on. We bought a pregnancy test and I put it up to take the next morning.

The next morning I woke up and took the test without waking him. Sure enough, I got a positive result this time.........

Lesson # 7 is obvious....BIRTH CONTROL people BIRTH CONTROL! (Although I have never regretted having Keri she is my baby girl after all)


Godless Sunday said...

WOW. Is that true? 75% end up divorced? Unreal huh? This was funny. Your wisdom is elucidating.

Susiewearsthepants said...

I'm sure most people figure out this stuff early on. Unfortunately there are some of us who are or were emotionally handicapped. It takes us a little longer to figure out even the simplest of life lessons...sigh!

Farrell said...

Hindsight is 20/20
Live and Learn
Wise words
Been there, done that (in a way)

Thanks for sharing!

Don Mills Diva said...

This is some excellent, excellent advice - I agree with you about moving in together - I refused til I saw a ring.

BTW - to figure out which search terms are leading people to your blog sign up for Goggle Analytics and then check out the traffic search reports - it's relaly easy.

E said...

Love is so never enough as to be almost irrelevant. I tell my kids that what you want is velcro...lots of common interests and values and behaviors. The more places that stick that higher liklihood the whole thing will hang together.
Your advice is dead may have a book here

HW said...

My sister in law became a teen mother because a guy told her he couldn't father children. Turns out, with him, it was just a line of bull...

Early in our marriage, I depended on Paul to make me happy; looked to him to be my constant companion. You are right; it doesn't work. I always said God knew what He was doing giving my husband a job where he traveled a lot. It made me become independent from my husband and learn what I could do on my own.

Another great post.