Just when I think I can't endure any more humiliation, I am proven wrong. I don't know who I ticked off in the cosmic universe, but someone out there is none too pleased with me. Why does Wal-Mart have to be the source of my humiliation? Are they unhappy with the number of posts about them? Maybe they think even negative advertising is good.
Actually, this particular humiliation was sort of my fault. Do you remember the Wal-Mart lady? The mean one who told me I had too many items to go through the self checkout lane? The one who tried to run me out of the self checkout lane? If you are a new reader, click here for more details. She was working today, and it just so happens that I was shopping today. I didn't have as much as usual, so I proceeded through the self checkout. She didn't try to run me off this time. Maybe she remembers me, maybe not.
I was checking out my groceries, and I was distracted. I was distracted because I am a nut. Instead of focusing on my groceries, I was thinking about that mean woman. I was thinking maybe I had been too hard on her. Maybe I should just let the last time go. While all these thoughts were going through my head, I prematurely swiped my card. I didn't hit the "credit" key before I swiped my card. The automated system DID NOT like this. At all. It beeped a message at me to tell the cashier to hit the credit key. Then it indicated that I should hit cancel and start over. The whole time this scenario is playing out, I did not look at Dr. Evil even once. I would not give her the satisfaction of knowing that I was having trouble with the machine.
She eventually came over and pointed out what I had done wrong. I KNEW what I had done wrong, I didn't need her to tell me. Then she said,"What about these filters?" I told that it was a return I was taking to customer service. Yes, I know what I will do today, I will steal some filters for the pool I bought for the kids, and I won't even try to hide the fact that I am stealing them. I will leave them in my buggy in plain sight. Anyway, she was unable to get the machine to accept my transaction and had to call over a manager. The manager came over and did something to the machine. It still wouldn't work so he had me go over to Dr. Evil's station. My humiliation was complete. Now I HAD to deal with Dr. Evil. She ran my card through and handed me the slip to sign. She didn't give me a pen. I didn't want to raise any more of a ruckus, so I fished one out of my purse and signed the slip. I was even trying to be nice to her. I shouldn't wasted my energy.
Good, that was pretty painless, right? Hah! As I was walking away, she called out that I had taken her pen. I told her no, she didn't give me a pen and I had used my own pen. She didn't believe me! She started arguing with me while simultaneously looking for her pen. She said it was a black pen. I told her no, I used a blue pen...OUT OF MY FREAKIN' PURSE YOU MORON!!! OK, I didn't really call her a moron. She found her pen and I continued on my way.
I was feeling bad about the last run-in I had with her. Obviously, I need not feel guilty. She is still the same rude cashier that she was the last time I had dealings with her. The beauty of it is, had I been paying attention, I never would have needed to even acknowledge her presence, much less have her accuse me of stealing her stupid pen, if I hadn't swiped my card before selecting a payment type.
I guess I mentioned that I bought a pool for the kids. A large, very luxurious pool. It is so big that I feel I should be careful not to brag. I wouldn't want anyone to be jealous of our very fabulous pool. It is a whopping 8 ft x 30 inches.
See, I told you that you would be jealous. Try to contain yourselves.