Sunday, September 30, 2007
I thought this was the nuttiest thing I had heard in a long time. It really surprised me that my sister Marlette, who is a sensible, down to Earth woman would believe this. I disputed the ringtology for a while, believing that the only way to tell the sex of an unborn baby, is through an ultrasound. It worked for Alicia, who is about 22 weeks pregnant. It worked for a friend of hers who is expecting a girl. It also worked on a friend of hers from church. I must concede that the ringtology method seems to be producing correct results for everyone who has tried it.
She also performed this ritual on my sister Dejah (she is the one who is about twelve weeks along). Every time the thread has gone in a circular motion, indicating a girl. We all had one of our Secret Sister lunches yesterday, then we went shopping. We went to the baby department. There was such an array of ADORABLE baby girl outfits. Marlette and I then proceeded to buy about seven girl outfits, basing our assumption that this child will be a girl on the ringtology theory. As we were checking out, I realized that we are a bunch of kooky people. Buying girl clothes for a child who has not be proven by an ultrasound to be a girl.
I really believe this baby is a girl. Based on nothing more than a piece of thread and a gold ring. Our kookyness is not something that embarrasses me. I embrace kookyness. We were even telling the cashier that checked us out about the ringtology. It's one thing to be kooky and keep it on the down low. Now we are publicly spreading our kookyness to the masses.
As per my promise to my sisters, I publicly declare that I really believe the ringtology method works. I don't understand the scientific aspects, but I am now a believer. So far, we have three out of three correct results. My sister Dejah will have her ultrasound in November. We already know it's a girl. (Although if we are wrong, I will be eating crow for quite a while). Luckily for me, I have about two readers who read my blog, so my humiliation will not be a widespread event.
Please visit the blog of a family living in Nashville who recently lost their eight day old baby girl. Pray for them, they really need it. The link is www.conorbootheandgirls.blogspot.com.
Friday, September 28, 2007
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
1. I should give her a banana split when she gets in trouble.
2. I should give her ten dollars every time she gets in trouble.
3. Why do they call it Wal-Green's when the walls are not green? A nice shade of lime green would look good.
4. I am torturing her. This is because I have already started Christmas shopping and she knows it. (I wish I would have gotten that kind of torture as a kid)
I observed Sissy talking so fast on the phone that I swear, her lips were on fire and smoke was coming out of her mouth.
I have been working on a project at work for the last several days. I sat hunched over my computer like Bob Crachet from that Christmas story about Mr. Scrooge. I find it ironic that it really is cold in my office. So, picture me sitting there, all cold with my sweater on, hunched over my computer.FOR.HOURS. I gave myself a crick in my shoulder which hurt for the rest of the day. My boss came over several times to ask how it was going. (He is not Mr. Scrooge, he just REALLY needs the data I have been gathering for him.)
I ended up working late which I hardly ever have to do. I didn't feel like going by the grocery store. I did stop and check the oil in my car, and checked my tire pressure(Ladies, all of us should know how to do this, even if you are not single. You never know when you are going to need these skills) The DQ suggested we have bacon, eggs, and toast for dinner. I agreed as this was about the last of the food that we have in the house. I am here to tell you that I prepared the PERFECT bacon. It was the exact crispness that we like it to be.
If you read my previous blog about the bacon that broke our teeth, then you realize what an accomplishment this was. Now.....on to the eggs. The last time they were EXTREMELY rubbery. Well this time they were under cooked. The whites were not as firm as they should have been. They were kind of squishy and watery. I tried to eat them, but I just couldn't bring myself to eat watery, squishy eggs. I will not give up on over easy eggs. I WILL get it right if it's the last thing I do.
We ate our dinner and then we had to go the Wal-Green's which does not have green walls. Sissy tried to highlight her hair and it didn't turn out so great. Little did I know that The DQ did not put on shoes before we left the house. When we get there, I give Sissy the last 8 bucks that I have on me. I told her that since The DQ did not wear shoes, that she would have to go in alone. A few minutes later she comes back out. Apparently 8 dollars is not sufficient funds to purchase Garnier hair color. It is 7.49 plus tax. I have two options. I can let The DQ go in with us and risk her getting some rare foot disease, or I can lock her in the car and run in and pay. Me being the incompetent mother that I am, I choose option number 2. The rare foot disease thing was more disconcerting to me. I ran in and paid with my check card. The DQ informed me that there was a 95% chance that she would not get a foot disease if I had let her go in the store. My response was, "Yes and there was a 5% chance that you would".
After we got home, Sissy insisted that we pray for her hair. Which we did. We stood in a circle and held hands. Sissy lead the prayer. It went a little something like this:
I know I have done some very bad things. Please forgive me. I don't want to have fugly hair. Please do not let me have fugly hair.
I informed her that I really don't think fugly is an appropriate word. However her desire to take EVERYTHING to the Lord was very impressive.
Lastly, my personal observation for the day. Ever since I took out some additional life insurance for the girls, I have been having chest pains. That is just the way my luck goes. Maybe if I cancel the policy the chest pains will stop.
Friday, September 21, 2007
Just when I thought my daughter was finally getting the hang of this driving thing she proves me wrong. In the last couple of days, she has cut off a minimum of two cars, almost backed into a truck, and spilled a soda all over me. Yet she doesn't understand why I continue to correct her. This from the same child who was sucking the bubbles off her orange juice with a straw this morning. Thankfully, her car is almost ready. I wasn't going to let her drive the car until her birthday in December. I think I have changed my mind.
Reason #1. If she is going damage a vehicle, I would rather it be HER car that is paid for.
Reason #2. Because I know her car is paid for, maybe I can relax a little when we are driving.
Reason #3. My car is NOT paid for.
Reason #4. I think her car gets better gas mileage than mine.
Reason #5. Why should we put more wear and tear on my car? Let's put wear and tear on her vehicle, which IS PAID FOR.
Reason #6. If we hit someone in her older car, which is not as nice as mine, maybe we won't get sued.
Reason #7. Her car is paid for.
Sissy recently asked me a very explosive question. Once again, my parenting handbook failed me. She asked me if someone is gay are they going to hell? We are a Christian family and the Bible is very clear on this issue. I answered her question to the best of my abilities. One of the things I told her is that none of us here on Earth gets to decide who is going to hell. I won't elaborate on the rest of what I shared with her. I really don't care to discuss it in my blog. It just amazes me that just when I think I may have this parenting thing licked, some new challenge comes my way.
The DQ has asked me some very serious questions throughout the years. Once she asked me if I was going to die. I told her that I I would die someday. She began to cry. As I was trying to console her, she wailed, "But who will do my lllaaauuunnddddrryy?!!!!"
She asked me a few days ago why I bought rotten slimy, tomatoes at the store. I should have told her I bought them because they were on sale. Or that I prefer slimy, rotten tomatoes as opposed to fresh, juicy, ripe tomatoes.
She asked me at Christmas one year, "Why did Paulette and Kevin only buy me one present instead of a whole bunch?". She asked me this right in front of them. (They are friends of ours from NC.)
Maybe someday I will have all the answers, but I don't think so. I think the best thing to do is PRETEND like I have all the answers. After all, a mother's wisdom should never be questioned.
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
There was also a good fairy. The good fairy provided an endless supply of money, so the sweet wonderful mother never had to work. She was able to stay home with her children and simply be a perfect mother. She always helped her children with their homework, and made sure they had a healthy snack every afternoon when they came home from school.
How was this mother able to be so perfect? Her perfect children of course. They never left messes for the perfect mother to clean up. The always brushed their teeth without being told. The PM never had to remind her children to finish their homework.
Her children were never crabby or tired. This is because they always went to bed on time and got plenty of rest. They ALWAYS did their chores without being asked and even did extra chores simply to help the PM.
The PM cooked savory, yet nutritious meals every night. The perfect children cleaned their plates, and loved every meal that the PM prepared. They never complained that they didn't like something or that it looked strange.
The perfect children never got in trouble at school and their rooms were always sparkling clean.
The PM was a perfect housekeeper also. Everything was always in it's place and always clean. She cleaned her house every single day and always knew where to find anything that might be needed. She never lost or misplaced tools, toe nail clippers, shoes, keys or cell phones...............................................
If I type any more of this junk, my keyboard will disintegrate right underneath my fingers . The point of the story is that perfection might sound nice in theory, but in reality would probably be boring and is impossible anyway.
When you find yourself judging other people for their parenting choices, remember that we have all fallen short at times. We should all be encouraging and supporting each other. We should think twice about pointing out each others mistakes and short comings. Someone left a rude comment on a blog and it just fired me up when I read about it. What gives any of us the right to judge or condemn our choices as parents?
The fact of the matter is that I would love to be home with my children but I can't. I have to support them. I have to make sure they have a roof over their heads. I don't always make the best choices but I try. Unfortunately my children didn't come with a handbook. I don't know about yours....
One morning I traipsed through my living room buck naked because Sissy had borrowed my body wash and forgot to return it. This would not have been a big deal, except that Sissy had fallen asleep on the couch. She woke up and saw the whole thing. She will probably never be right again after witnessing that fine display of nudity.
Another morning I ripped all the couch cushions off and kicked them across the floor because I was running late and couldn't find my car keys.
All you perfect parents will just have to deal with us regular people who are not as perfect as you are. Maybe we can learn from your example(Insert sarcasm here)
Sunday, September 16, 2007
Father forgive me for I have sinned. I went to lunch with two of my sisters. I didn't take my children/heathens with me. I enjoyed myself immensely, WITHOUT my children. I enjoyed the company of my three year old future nephew........without my children.
See how much fun we had......without my children.
Then Father, we went shopping for the new baby boy arriving in January. I had forgotten how much fun it is to shop for baby clothes.
See the joy and rapture on our faces.
Even Matty got in on the fun.
Here is a list of items I purchased for the new baby. Car seat/stroller combo, a couple of outfits, pacifiers, bottles, a diaper bag, baby washcloths...I have to stop there, I can't remember everything. Do you think I went a tad overboard? Maybe, but it sure was fun!(We have formed the Secret Sister Association. We have secret lunches that end up not being so secret. I think I will like this new family tradition)
So Father, forgive me for having a lovely time without my children, and for spending too much money, and for thinking that Matty is so darn cute.
Friday, September 14, 2007
Now I know everyone has different priorities. My top priority is NOT to ensure that my mother has cigarettes to smoke. She has COPD. She doesn't need to smoke anyway. I don't know if this is some type of hormonal imbalance or some hidden stress that I don't even realize that I have. Maybe the stack of checks I had to write last night for the girls is getting to me. That's another thing. What in the world is up with all this money I have to give to the schools? Or more likely, my theory that I am a raving lunatic is being proven true time and time again. I would be leaning towards a good old fashioned diagnosis of PMS except that I don't have that anymore.(Please remember that I am still in The Cone of Safety and cannot be judged for my mad, crazy, ravings.) OH, and one more thing....have a nice day!
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Monday, September 10, 2007
This is shameful because I have two kids. I have been a mom for almost 16 years and I can't cook. Now, don't get me wrong, I can handle a few of the basics, but that's about it. My mother just never taught me how to cook. When I was a teenager she went into depression and started living in her room. What did we eat? I'll tell you what...a lot of Hamburger Helper. One of my sisters feels that this stuff is so vile that even the smell of it nauseates her. Ramen noodles was another family favorite.
Anyway I am so sick of eating the same old stuff. My mom got me a cookbook for my birthday. So I decided that I needed to improve my cooking skills. So spent some time looking through my cookbook. I LOVE this cookbook. It teaches a lot of basics and there is even a section that teaches you how to properly select fresh fruits and vegetables. Which I really needed. I will now reveal another shameful secret(I am still under the cone of safety). My nine year old daughter usually chooses fruit when we go grocery shopping. I know.....it's mortifying.
I decided to start with something simple like bacon and eggs. I can cook scrambled eggs all day long. The DQ and I both love over easy eggs, so I wanted to learn how to cook those. I can't even remember if I have ever attempted to make bacon before. So I bought bacon and eggs at the store. I read the package directions on the bacon which said to cook for 8 to 10 minutes. Well, it didn't look done to me so I cooked it a little longer. Let me tell you that this bacon was so hard I think I lost some tooth enamel. Then I decided that instead of cooking the eggs in butter that I would just use the left over bacon grease. Big mistake. The eggs were sooo rubbery. Bless my children they didn't say a word. We all ate the rock hard bacon and the rubbery eggs.
I didn't let this get me down. I tried making eggs again the next day. This time I cooked them in butter as my cookbook suggested. They were much better. I haven't tried the bacon again yet, but I am not giving up. This week I decided to try one of my 20 minute recipes which does not require any cooking. It was called Southwestern chicken wraps. All I needed was flour tortilla's, lettuce, tomato, chicken, sour cream and guacamole. So I came home from work today and pulled out the lettuce and tomato to chop. I chopped up the lettuce and had the DQ help slice the tomato. I went into the frig looking for the chicken. I couldn't find it. I asked Sissy if she had seen the chicken. She said it was in the frig and comes over and pulls out the raw chicken breasts that I had bought. I told her that I had purchased some precooked chicken to make the wraps.
Guess where I found the chicken. In the freezer. It was of course completely frozen. I had already prepared the other ingredients so I knew I HAD to make the chicken wraps. Hence, a bright idea pops into my nutty mind. I will steam the chicken until it defrosts. This probably would not have been a bad idea had I not used a plastic colander with a metal pot. I put just a little water in the bottom of the pot and brought it to a boil. Then, me being the extremely intelligent college educated person that I am, I put the chicken in the PLASTIC colander and set it on top of the pot. Yep, you can probably figure out what happens next. A few minutes later I smell the smell of plastic burning. My colander is melting onto the metal pot. I remove the colander from the pot and got out a skillet. What did I learn today? That if your teenage daughter inadvertently puts your precooked chicken in the freezer, simply unthaw it on low heat....in....a....skillet.
After the melting plastic fiasco, things went pretty well from there. The girls loved the wraps and it was something easy and new and pretty healthy. Of course I didn't actually cook anything except to defrost the chicken.(Which I cannot be judged for as I am still in The Cone of Safety)
Saturday, September 8, 2007
Apparently some kids with too much time on their hands have spread a rumor that she is a lesbian. They spread the same rumor when she was in middle school. I realize there is nothing I can do. I really don't even know what advice to give her. I have told her that she is pretty girl and things like this are bound to happen.
Sissy is very pretty. She is not arrogant or cocky or conceited. I don't even know if she really knows that she is pretty. She is the most down to earth, unassuming teenage girl that I have ever seen. I have taught her never to pick on kids based on their looks or the clothes they wear. I have taught her this because I remember what it's like to not have the right clothes and all that stuff. School was really miserable for me growing up because we were so poor. I was the kid that got teased.
Unfortunately my parenting handbook did not come with instructions on how to deal with this type of thing. I tell her someone is just jealous. I realize that this probably true, but I am afraid it just sounds lame to her. Do I tell her to ignore it? Should she confront the girl that started the rumor? Will it just cause more trouble if she does that? I don't know. If anyone has any advice for this type of thing I would really appreciate it. I don't want her high school experience to be miserable. There is nothing worse when you dread going to school every day. I don't want her have problems with her grades or self esteem issues. Much as I would love to go the school and put the smack down on these girls, I know that is not the right thing to do. It does surprise me that even at her age, the urge to protect is still overwhelming.......she is still my little girl.
Thursday, September 6, 2007
I get a whole month off. I am excited about being home every night to spend quality time with the girls(Make sure Sissy stays out of trouble). The DQ's schedule is already picking up. She had skate night tonight, tomorrow is a school dance and she is going home with one of her friends after the dance. Saturday, she has a birthday skate party to go to. This may not be unusual, I am not sure but for crying out loud the child is only nine. She has more going on in her life than I do in mine. Do all nine year old girls have so much going on? Or does she just take after her dad? I really don't know. Sissy was shy at that age so I am not sure what is "normal".
Sissy is going bonkers being grounded. No computer or cell phone for her. I did let her on long enough for her to write an essay on respect(not my idea, but it worked out great) I have to take the power cord to the computer to work with me everyday. I am dedicated to making sure she suffers. Hopefully if she suffers enough she won't repeat her mistakes.
The Fleecing of Mom has officially begun for another school year. As soon as I got home both kids were hitting me up for money. I swear I think I just need to come home and empty my money on the kitchen counter and just let them have it. They suck me dry like leeches. Here are some things I have already forked out money for: fundraisers, T-shirts, a sweater, lunch money(this is never ending), field trip money, school dance money. Not to mention the birthday parties that are lined up for the friends of The DQ. Not that I am one to complain mind you. I dearly love forking over my hard earned money for each and every one of their needs. In fact, it is probably my purpose in life, and therefore I should be rejoicing for the privilege of catering to these children........................
Maybe with time I can make myself believe it.
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
Now that I am grown I realize how blessed I am to have so many people that care about me and my children. I have been thinking about some of the positive aspects of having a large family. So here are some of my thoughts:
1. When some nameless child gets into to trouble, you have someone available to go to your house and bust them getting into trouble. (This would be my sister Dejah.)
2. You have someone to send to your house to double check that trouble is not finding it's way back to your house after sister #1 leaves. (This would be my sister Marlette)
3. You have someone to take your youngest child to school when you have to be at work at the ungodly hour of 7 am. (This would be Dejah)
4. You have someone else to lecture your teenage daughter about the dangers of internet predators. Note: You need the backup because teenagers seldom believe a word that you say and think you are being overprotective. (This would be Alicia) See first pic.
Tuesday, September 4, 2007
We had a family cook out at the lake today. It was hot, but not unbearably so. The girls did some swimming. Everyone also did a little fishing. For those of you don't know, I am the unofficial Fishing Queen. My fishing skills are definitely far superior to any female fisher that I know. I know just the right way to bait a hook. I also have the best casting technique of anyone in the area. I won't brag about all the huge fish I have caught, that would just be rude and boastful. I also am unable to reveal my secret bait. My very life depends on this being a closely guarded secret.
So today I was able to land the largest, most beautiful fish in the WHOLE lake. It was definitely my finest fishing moment. Thankfully the digital camera was handy to capture this most wonderful fish. I am also a very animal friendly person. Even though I would have loved to have kept this fish, and had it put on my wall, it was so large and wonderful, that I felt it must be returned to it's natural habitat. It was definitely too wonderful a creature to kill. I know everyone will be envious, but please try to refrain from posting vicious comments. Everyone can't be a fishing star like me......
I told you it was huge!!!........Gotcha
Sissy managed to douse herself with ketchup as soon as we got there. You can't officially begin one of our family cookouts without the spilling of ketchup. A tip: If you want to see the pics bigger try double clicking on them. The ones at the top are hard to see this small
Monday, September 3, 2007
The last time I was in class with this person I mentioned that he/she seemed like they were in a bad mood. OK I am tired of the he/she thing. She told me she was upset because someone in her family had been convicted of a crime. I know this is wrong and twisted, but I really wanted to do a story topper on her. I really wanted to tell her, "Well that's nothing, my brother is facing numerous drug charges, he has ruined his life, he is hiding out from the po po, and he has been struggling with drugs for years".
The urge was so strong to do to her what she ALWAYS does to me. I resisted. I was the picture of Christian sisterhood. I simply told her that it was a shame and that I was really sorry to hear about that. Sometimes it's really hard to take the higher road. (Especially with this person. She is the same person who rudely demanded to know where I had been when I missed a couple of classes)
I probably have been a story topper at times. Not intentionally. But I am sure I have done this. Unfortunately, I never realized until it was in my face, driving me crazy. I am going to try extra hard not to do this to others. I will try to be a good listener and be empathetic towards what someone else is going through. Maybe offer some kind words and encouragement and NOT to turn the attention to myself. When I post comments to other blogs I will really TRY extra hard not to do this. If you get a comment from me that is a story topper, PLEASE call me out!
Sunday, September 2, 2007
I would like to point out that pillow shopping with your mother is not the ideal way to spend an afternoon when you are a teenager. Anyway, everything was fine until we walked in the door(at Kohl's). Once again my razor sharp vision came to my aid. My eyes zeroed in on the big sign that said CLEARANCE. That was it for me. I went in to buy a pillow and I came out with two pairs of capris, two shirts, and a skirt.
In my defense I got really good deals on everything.....except the freakin' pillow. As we were leaving I looked at my receipt. The pillow was 25 bucks. Some people may spend that much money on a pillow, but not me. I thought it was on sale for 10 bucks. I should have known when the label said Egyptian cotton. For that kind of money my daughter better be sleeping on the finest pillowy softness available to mankind. That pillow better last for a really long time.
It had taken quite an effort to get the girls out of the store in the first place. The DQ is a hard core shopper, and surprisingly loves to shop for clothes. She has since she was 5. Even at that age she loved getting clothes as gifts and shopping for clothes. She will look for sales and when I ask her how much something costs, she can give me the full retail price, the percentage off, and what the sale price is after the discount is taken. She is only nine. I think at nine I would have much rather had a new Barbie than a new outfit any day.
The capris were for me. I noticed the last time I bought clothes for me, that I had to buy a size larger than usual. I blew this off because I had gotten a brand that I don't normally buy. My friends, I was wrong. Somehow, some way I have actually put on a little weight. My personal friends that know me will know that this is not a tragedy. Until I was about 25 I was too underweight to give blood. So today I bought a brand that I have purchased in the past, and sure enough I once again had to buy a larger size. Go me!!!! I don't look like I am on appetite suppressing drugs anymore. (Is that politically correct?)
Saturday, September 1, 2007
Me: Your sister couldn't get in the house today. Where were you?
Child: I was here
Me: Then why did your sister ring the doorbell a hundred times and you didn't answer?
Child: Whatever Mom
Whatever mom???? Hello, excuse me. I was sooo furious. If it were not illegal, I probably would have come home and put a beat down on the girl.
We must now pray:
Please keep me from going home and beating my kid within an inch of her life. Please keep me from going home and lecturing her until the end of time. Help me find a punishment that will make ME feel better, and keep me out of jail.
Then the child HANGS UP ON ME.
On me....her mother....the one who carried her for nine months...and the one who has raised her all these years mostly by myself....emotionally and financially. Maybe I am not the crazy one, maybe she is.
My children are good when everything around me is going well. At such times I am capable of handling anything they dish out. Unexpected projects, fund raisers, boy trouble. All that really fun stuff.
This week has not been all that great for me. There was the big fat F, then the big bust, a couple of issues at work, not to mention the untold story of yesterday(I really can't talk about that or I will be in big trouble)
Now while one child is smart mouthing me and breaking some house rules, the other one is busy NOT doing her homework. When I got home from school late last night, the DQ was still up working on homework. She also had not had a bath either. For two days. (Keep in mind this was also the night of the big bust, see previous blog)
The DQ has recently been grounded for not keeping her room clean. Did I mention that I found pizza crust in her room? On the floor? I am starting to feel like I am running a prison for girls. So one child just got ungrounded(This may not be a word but at this point I really don't care) and the other one is now grounded for three weeks. Two for breaking house rules, and I added an extra week for the smart mouthing and hanging up on me. All in a days work!
We were so happy last week. What happened?