Monday, July 14, 2008

Susie's Series of Unfortunate Events

I hate to give a blog title such a dismal name, but anything else would just be pretentious. This story will start out very pleasant and happy. It will end with a trip from hell designed by the very Devil himself to torture me for all of my misdeeds throughout my life. He gleefully plotted against me. I can picture him now jumping up and down and rubbing his hands together in joyful anticipation of the horror which I am about to relay.

Sunday morning we slept until nine. We got up and started getting the kids ready and loading all of our stuff into the van. It took almost two hours for us to get everyone ready and out the door. We stopped at Cracker Barrell and had breakfast with my brother.

Doesn't everything look normal so far? I even took a decent picture and I didn't even take a shower before we left. But don't tell anyone.

After breakfast we said our goodbyes to my brother and headed to the gas station before we started our trip home. In the time it took us to load the kids in the van and get to the gas station, the baby had a poopy diaper. We got gas and changed the baby and got on the road.

Within the hour, the baby had another poopy diaper, and some of the kids had to pee. We stopped and changed the baby and let the kids use the restroom. Within ANOTHER hour, the kids had to pee again, and the baby was fussy. Melissa was complaining of feeling car sick, so her and I traded seats. The baby was screaming his little head off and I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown I couldn't settle the baby down and we stopped yet again for Dejah and I to trade. I took over the driving.

Dejah doesn't like the way I drive, and she is vocal about how she thinks I should be driving the van. We got to Knoxville, and I saw signs noting that there was a COMPLETE INTERSTATE SHUTDOWN AHEAD. Great, just freaking great. And it was raining. We would have to detour and go to Chattanooga and then pick up Interstate 24 to get home.

See? I told you this was a tale of horror. Once we neared the area of the shutdown, traffic came to a complete stop. The kids were arguing, the baby was fussy, and the adults were getting snappy.

We FINALLY got on Interstate 75 heading towards Chattanooga. It took us over an hour to get there. Once we got there, there was ANOTHER FLIPPIN' TRAFFIC JAM. The kids are restless and so is everyone else. There were also moments when it was raining so hard, I could barely see out of the windshield. Joy and happiness were all.

See the traffic? I wanted to make sure our SOUV (Series Of Unfortunate Events) was caught on camera. Evidence you understand. You can't tell a tale like this without evidence. I almost took a picture of the poopy diapers, but common sense prevailed.

The drive through Chattanooga was beautiful, despite all the drama. We stopped in Chattanooga for the kids to use the rest room ONCE AGAIN. I just don't understand where I have gone wrong. The drive down was SO GREAT. The weather was beautiful, the kids were great, everything went so smoothly. Who could have predicted that the ride home would an experiment in the three T's? (Torture, Terror, and Trouble)

The last two hours of the trip were horrible. Horrible because we knew that had the interstate not been shutdown (it was a chemical spill) we would be home already. Poor Dejah was barely able to keep Piglet from screaming his head off. She snapped at me, I snapped at her. The kids were fighting over the most ridiculous things. They were SO tired of being in the van. Logan said, "If I would have known this trip was going to take so long, I just would have stayed with my daddy".

We finally got home and unloaded our stuff. Melissa went straight to her room and shut the door. Keri got the phone and then went over to stay with her best friend. Dejah later told me that Piglet had screamed all the way from my house to hers. We live 8 city miles apart. What are city miles? They are the same thing as country miles, with a lot more stop lights. I imagine the ride home seemed endless to her. Next time I think about it, I need to ask her what she did to get the devil after her.

I left a couple of things in her van and had to drive over to her house and get them. I was not impressed. I was glad to be home. I could NOT BELIEVE how vile the trip home had been. It really was a continuous "Series of Unfortunate Events".

Poopy diapers
Kids that need to pee every five minutes
Blinding rain
Interstate shutdown
Traffic Jams
Wreck (Which I forgot to mention)
Fussy baby
Fussy kids
Fussy adults

I think we got stuck in traffic AT LEAST three times. Which is three times too many if you ask me. The trip home shattered all my illusions fantastic road trips filled fun and excitement.

A couple of side notes

My brother actually witnessed Keri's "hurts really bad" drama. He recognized it immediately from faithfully reading my blogs. Also, when a family member who lives far away reads your blogs, it cuts down on the number of stories you have to tell when you visit them. On the other hand, it is nice that family can check in on you anytime they want to. Day or night. Blogging works well, especially for people who are not "phone" people. I am so glad my friend K talked me into setting up this blog. If nothing else, someday when I am old and my memory is failing me, there will be some record of the goings on in my ever increasing family.

Dad-it was really good to see you. Sorry I didn't get to say goodbye before you left. I love you!


The Mom said...

UGH>.I can feel the stress and pain in your writing, what a nightmare.

Love the shout out to dad at the end, precious!

HW said...

I told you to take the ice pick...

Farrell said...

Although I'm sorry the trip back was hell, it sounds like everyone acted normal for the circumstances. How incredibly frustrating though.
Did you have a portable DVD player? If not, I would HIGHLY recommend getting one before the next big trip:)!

Susiewearsthepants said...

Farrell-We brought plenty of movies, but the fascination with that lasted through one movie.

Anonymous said...

Glad you had a safe trip home and no vehicle the rain........or traffic jam


E said...

This is why they make Motrin and hot baths....