Ringtology

I have two pregnant sisters right now. One is about half way through her pregnancy, the other one is about twelve weeks along. My sister Marlette (she is not one of the pregnant ones) heard about this kooky thing. You tie a piece of thread around a ring, I think it is supposed to be a gold ring. Then you hold the thread over the belly of said pregnant woman. If the ring swings back and forth, it's a boy. If it swivels around in a circular motion, it's a girl.

I thought this was the nuttiest thing I had heard in a long time. It really surprised me that my sister Marlette, who is a sensible, down to Earth woman would believe this. I disputed the ringtology for a while, believing that the only way to tell the sex of an unborn baby, is through an ultrasound. It worked for Alicia, who is about 22 weeks pregnant. It worked for a friend of hers who is expecting a girl. It also worked on a friend of hers from church. I must concede that the ringtology method seems to be producing correct results for everyone who has tried it.

She also performed this ritual on my sister Dejah (she is the one who is about twelve weeks along). Every time the thread has gone in a circular motion, indicating a girl. We all had one of our Secret Sister lunches yesterday, then we went shopping. We went to the baby department. There was such an array of ADORABLE baby girl outfits. Marlette and I then proceeded to buy about seven girl outfits, basing our assumption that this child will be a girl on the ringtology theory. As we were checking out, I realized that we are a bunch of kooky people. Buying girl clothes for a child who has not be proven by an ultrasound to be a girl.

I really believe this baby is a girl. Based on nothing more than a piece of thread and a gold ring. Our kookyness is not something that embarrasses me. I embrace kookyness. We were even telling the cashier that checked us out about the ringtology. It's one thing to be kooky and keep it on the down low. Now we are publicly spreading our kookyness to the masses.

As per my promise to my sisters, I publicly declare that I really believe the ringtology method works. I don't understand the scientific aspects, but I am now a believer. So far, we have three out of three correct results. My sister Dejah will have her ultrasound in November. We already know it's a girl. (Although if we are wrong, I will be eating crow for quite a while). Luckily for me, I have about two readers who read my blog, so my humiliation will not be a widespread event.

Please visit the blog of a family living in Nashville who recently lost their eight day old baby girl. Pray for them, they really need it. The link is www.conorbootheandgirls.blogspot.com.

Call Me Scrooge

I.Hate.Fundraisers. I do understand the purpose of school fundraisers, but they make me nuts. Like I don't have enough to do with raising two daughters, a full time job, college courses at night, a house, (which is neglected these days) yard, two cars(We brought Sissy's car home the other day) and three cats(I don't even like the cats). Not only do the schools send this crap/stuff home for me to sell, they offer PRIZES to the child who sells the most. Like I need that kind of pressure.

So now not only do I have to sell overpriced crap that nobody wants, I have to sell A LOT of it. If I don't, my child will have the shame of not getting the cool prizes. (Which usually is junk that the school paid about 50 cents for) A recent fundraiser brought home by The DQ, required her to sell 18 items to get to level two. Do you really think a nine year old kid is going to be able to sell 18 items on their own? No, I think not. That would be where I come in.

She was sooo stressed out about it. My kids know how much I hate fundraisers. I am just not one of those fundraiser moms. I am not a good salesman. While I consider myself a people person, I am not a public person. The masses tend to annoy me........a lot. I have in fact, completely rebelled against the fundraisers. I will write a check to support whatever it is that needs supporting. That is where I have to draw the line. I cannot bring myself to walk around my office, trying to convince my coworkers, that yes, they really do need a set of heart shaped cookie cutters that cost $20.

Their Coming To Take Me Away Ha Ha........

It was a day of silliness around my house today. The DQ made several interesting observations:
1. I should give her a banana split when she gets in trouble.
2. I should give her ten dollars every time she gets in trouble.
3. Why do they call it Wal-Green's when the walls are not green? A nice shade of lime green would look good.
4. I am torturing her. This is because I have already started Christmas shopping and she knows it. (I wish I would have gotten that kind of torture as a kid)


I observed Sissy talking so fast on the phone that I swear, her lips were on fire and smoke was coming out of her mouth.

I have been working on a project at work for the last several days. I sat hunched over my computer like Bob Crachet from that Christmas story about Mr. Scrooge. I find it ironic that it really is cold in my office. So, picture me sitting there, all cold with my sweater on, hunched over my computer.FOR.HOURS. I gave myself a crick in my shoulder which hurt for the rest of the day. My boss came over several times to ask how it was going. (He is not Mr. Scrooge, he just REALLY needs the data I have been gathering for him.)

I ended up working late which I hardly ever have to do. I didn't feel like going by the grocery store. I did stop and check the oil in my car, and checked my tire pressure(Ladies, all of us should know how to do this, even if you are not single. You never know when you are going to need these skills) The DQ suggested we have bacon, eggs, and toast for dinner. I agreed as this was about the last of the food that we have in the house. I am here to tell you that I prepared the PERFECT bacon. It was the exact crispness that we like it to be.

If you read my previous blog about the bacon that broke our teeth, then you realize what an accomplishment this was. Now.....on to the eggs. The last time they were EXTREMELY rubbery. Well this time they were under cooked. The whites were not as firm as they should have been. They were kind of squishy and watery. I tried to eat them, but I just couldn't bring myself to eat watery, squishy eggs. I will not give up on over easy eggs. I WILL get it right if it's the last thing I do.

We ate our dinner and then we had to go the Wal-Green's which does not have green walls. Sissy tried to highlight her hair and it didn't turn out so great. Little did I know that The DQ did not put on shoes before we left the house. When we get there, I give Sissy the last 8 bucks that I have on me. I told her that since The DQ did not wear shoes, that she would have to go in alone. A few minutes later she comes back out. Apparently 8 dollars is not sufficient funds to purchase Garnier hair color. It is 7.49 plus tax. I have two options. I can let The DQ go in with us and risk her getting some rare foot disease, or I can lock her in the car and run in and pay. Me being the incompetent mother that I am, I choose option number 2. The rare foot disease thing was more disconcerting to me. I ran in and paid with my check card. The DQ informed me that there was a 95% chance that she would not get a foot disease if I had let her go in the store. My response was, "Yes and there was a 5% chance that you would".

After we got home, Sissy insisted that we pray for her hair. Which we did. We stood in a circle and held hands. Sissy lead the prayer. It went a little something like this:

Dear God,
I know I have done some very bad things. Please forgive me. I don't want to have fugly hair. Please do not let me have fugly hair.
Amen.

I informed her that I really don't think fugly is an appropriate word. However her desire to take EVERYTHING to the Lord was very impressive.

Lastly, my personal observation for the day. Ever since I took out some additional life insurance for the girls, I have been having chest pains. That is just the way my luck goes. Maybe if I cancel the policy the chest pains will stop.

Questions and More Driving Fun

Just when I thought my daughter was finally getting the hang of this driving thing she proves me wrong. In the last couple of days, she has cut off a minimum of two cars, almost backed into a truck, and spilled a soda all over me. Yet she doesn't understand why I continue to correct her. This from the same child who was sucking the bubbles off her orange juice with a straw this morning. Thankfully, her car is almost ready. I wasn't going to let her drive the car until her birthday in December. I think I have changed my mind.

Reason #1. If she is going damage a vehicle, I would rather it be HER car that is paid for.
Reason #2. Because I know her car is paid for, maybe I can relax a little when we are driving.
Reason #3. My car is NOT paid for.
Reason #4. I think her car gets better gas mileage than mine.
Reason #5. Why should we put more wear and tear on my car? Let's put wear and tear on her vehicle, which IS PAID FOR.
Reason #6. If we hit someone in her older car, which is not as nice as mine, maybe we won't get sued.
Reason #7. Her car is paid for.

Sissy recently asked me a very explosive question. Once again, my parenting handbook failed me. She asked me if someone is gay are they going to hell? We are a Christian family and the Bible is very clear on this issue. I answered her question to the best of my abilities. One of the things I told her is that none of us here on Earth gets to decide who is going to hell. I won't elaborate on the rest of what I shared with her. I really don't care to discuss it in my blog. It just amazes me that just when I think I may have this parenting thing licked, some new challenge comes my way.

The DQ has asked me some very serious questions throughout the years. Once she asked me if I was going to die. I told her that I I would die someday. She began to cry. As I was trying to console her, she wailed, "But who will do my lllaaauuunnddddrryy?!!!!"

She asked me a few days ago why I bought rotten slimy, tomatoes at the store. I should have told her I bought them because they were on sale. Or that I prefer slimy, rotten tomatoes as opposed to fresh, juicy, ripe tomatoes.

She asked me at Christmas one year, "Why did Paulette and Kevin only buy me one present instead of a whole bunch?". She asked me this right in front of them. (They are friends of ours from NC.)

Maybe someday I will have all the answers, but I don't think so. I think the best thing to do is PRETEND like I have all the answers. After all, a mother's wisdom should never be questioned.

The Fairy Tale Life

Once a upon a time, in a land far, far, away...........in Tennessee, there lived a mom. She was a wonderful mom. She was sweet and kind and all that is good in the world. She was always happy and in a good mood. There was never a cross word to anyone, especially her children. She was always upbeat and pleasant. She never raised her voice or became angry. She always knew the perfect thing to say. Her even temperament was something to be admired.

There was also a good fairy. The good fairy provided an endless supply of money, so the sweet wonderful mother never had to work. She was able to stay home with her children and simply be a perfect mother. She always helped her children with their homework, and made sure they had a healthy snack every afternoon when they came home from school.

How was this mother able to be so perfect? Her perfect children of course. They never left messes for the perfect mother to clean up. The always brushed their teeth without being told. The PM never had to remind her children to finish their homework.

Her children were never crabby or tired. This is because they always went to bed on time and got plenty of rest. They ALWAYS did their chores without being asked and even did extra chores simply to help the PM.

The PM cooked savory, yet nutritious meals every night. The perfect children cleaned their plates, and loved every meal that the PM prepared. They never complained that they didn't like something or that it looked strange.

The perfect children never got in trouble at school and their rooms were always sparkling clean.

The PM was a perfect housekeeper also. Everything was always in it's place and always clean. She cleaned her house every single day and always knew where to find anything that might be needed. She never lost or misplaced tools, toe nail clippers, shoes, keys or cell phones...............................................



If I type any more of this junk, my keyboard will disintegrate right underneath my fingers . The point of the story is that perfection might sound nice in theory, but in reality would probably be boring and is impossible anyway.

When you find yourself judging other people for their parenting choices, remember that we have all fallen short at times. We should all be encouraging and supporting each other. We should think twice about pointing out each others mistakes and short comings. Someone left a rude comment on a blog and it just fired me up when I read about it. What gives any of us the right to judge or condemn our choices as parents?

The fact of the matter is that I would love to be home with my children but I can't. I have to support them. I have to make sure they have a roof over their heads. I don't always make the best choices but I try. Unfortunately my children didn't come with a handbook. I don't know about yours....

One morning I traipsed through my living room buck naked because Sissy had borrowed my body wash and forgot to return it. This would not have been a big deal, except that Sissy had fallen asleep on the couch. She woke up and saw the whole thing. She will probably never be right again after witnessing that fine display of nudity.

Another morning I ripped all the couch cushions off and kicked them across the floor because I was running late and couldn't find my car keys.

All you perfect parents will just have to deal with us regular people who are not as perfect as you are. Maybe we can learn from your example(Insert sarcasm here)

The Secret Sister Association

Father forgive me for I have sinned. I went to lunch with two of my sisters. I didn't take my children/heathens with me. I enjoyed myself immensely, WITHOUT my children. I enjoyed the company of my three year old future nephew........without my children.



See how much fun we had......without my children.




Then Father, we went shopping for the new baby boy arriving in January. I had forgotten how much fun it is to shop for baby clothes.

See the joy and rapture on our faces.

Even Matty got in on the fun.


Here is a list of items I purchased for the new baby. Car seat/stroller combo, a couple of outfits, pacifiers, bottles, a diaper bag, baby washcloths...I have to stop there, I can't remember everything. Do you think I went a tad overboard? Maybe, but it sure was fun!(We have formed the Secret Sister Association. We have secret lunches that end up not being so secret. I think I will like this new family tradition)

So Father, forgive me for having a lovely time without my children, and for spending too much money, and for thinking that Matty is so darn cute.

I Put On My Angry Eyes Today!

In my last post I invoked The Cone of Safety. I am going to re-invoke The Cone of Safety for today also. I don't know what is wrong with me, but everything is making me mad. It started yesterday. I was talking to one of my sisters(the one who is pregnant and paints and has two boys). She was telling me something and it just really made me mad. The more I thought about it the madder I got. I went home and talked to my other sister about it and got even madder.

The thing is, I am not one who is prone to a lot of bad, irritable moods. Actually it's not that I am in a bad mood, I am just finding that here lately it doesn't take much for my temper to flare up.

I thought I was O.K. until this morning when my boss asked me to do something. It made me mad. I don't know why. I realize that he is very busy this week and needs my help. Still once again I was mad. Later in the day someone asked me if we are going to throw a baby shower for my sister who already has two kids. This made me mad too. I have no idea why. Part of it is because I have heard that once you have one baby, you don't get any more showers. That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. She had her last kid five years ago, so of course she doesn't have leftover baby stuff. Why should she not get a shower because of some stupid rule that some idiot made up? I reject this rule. I spit in the face of this rule. My sister WILL have a baby shower....so there! See, I have no idea what is wrong with me. Then my other sister who is pregnant calls me and is telling me about some financial difficulties that they are having and that my mother is out of cigarettes.

Now I know everyone has different priorities. My top priority is NOT to ensure that my mother has cigarettes to smoke. She has COPD. She doesn't need to smoke anyway. I don't know if this is some type of hormonal imbalance or some hidden stress that I don't even realize that I have. Maybe the stack of checks I had to write last night for the girls is getting to me. That's another thing. What in the world is up with all this money I have to give to the schools? Or more likely, my theory that I am a raving lunatic is being proven true time and time again. I would be leaning towards a good old fashioned diagnosis of PMS except that I don't have that anymore.(Please remember that I am still in The Cone of Safety and cannot be judged for my mad, crazy, ravings.) OH, and one more thing....have a nice day!