Thursday, May 22, 2008

Mine Hurts Worse Than Yours

Let’s talk about pain, shall we? My wimpy hypochondriac daughter regales me with tales of any injury, real or perceived. She recounts exactly what happened to her and she also explains her pain level. Most injuries qualify for a “hurts really bad” rating. The only thing worse than “hurts really bad” I imagine would be broken bones or worse. Nothing is ever only mildly painful to her. I never hear that something only “hurts just a little bit”.

Keri being the incredible wimp that she is, would be in serious trouble if she ever got really hurt. Actually, now that I think about it, I would be the one in trouble. I am the one that would have to listen to her screams of agony.

Let’s talk about REAL pain, which I am sure my princess of a daughter has never experienced. Did she ever fall out of a tree and hit every branch on the way down? No, I think not. I did however, and let me tell you that it hurts. Did she ever fall off a bike and walk home with blood running down her legs from scabbed up knees? I think not. Or better yet, did she ever attempt a back flip and mess up and chip a tooth? No, I think not. (My brother gets that one)

Did she ever ride her bike down a hill and jump off at the bottom into a pile of trash? Ha! No way.

Did she ever jump down a flight of stairs and sprain her ankle and then have her ankle be puffed up for two weeks? No, I think not. Did she ever get a splinter lodged so far in her big toe that a doctor had to pry it out? WITH A NEEDLE! (My older brother was pulling me across a hardwood floor in my socks… BIG mistake) Speaking of big brothers-Did she ever get ran over by her older brother on his bike? Well I did, and that hurts. I would even go so far as to say that it “hurts really bad”. Apparently I decided that it would be fun to stand in his way and refuse to move. He refused to stop. Let me tell you, bike tires across your face……. not good.

Let’s see what else I have. Oh yes, I know. Did she ever have appendicitis and have to have HER appendix removed? Or have her eye blacked, or whack her head on the door frame of the car because she didn’t duck down low enough to get in? No, no, and no!

Where did this come from? Her father is not a wimp. I can't imagine that she gets it from me, that's impossible. While I freely admit to having a low threshold for pain, I have suffered REAL pain. Maybe, just maybe, I MAY have a time or two gone into lengthy detail over an injury, but come on! At least I have some real ones to complain talk about.

I think the kid needs to toughen up, after all, it's not like she has given birth.


The Mom said...

Seriously, with back labor!!

Astarte said...

My kids drive me BANANAS with their incessant 'hurts really bad' whining. I'm certainly not a wimp, and I hate it when my kids are wimpy! Suck it up, kids, I can't even SEE half of what you're bitching about, for heaven's sake!

Just wait until she has to have a watermelon pulled out of her butt with a plunger, THEN she'll know a boo-boo. Cleaning the toilet has never been the same since I had THAT done, I'll say that!

Momma said...

Ah, a little drama queen! I have one of those, only she's much older now. My daughter's hypochondria got much worse after she hit 18, but I will not wish that on you!

Yeah, when she has the first labor pain? You'll probably hear her scream around the world!

Peace - D

Karen Deborah said...

well enroll her in a toughen up thing to do. I have one of those too. This morning she got up telling me all the details of her snot, which grosses me out, and fugetta bout it. We also have a blister, reason to stop playing ball and sit on the bench. Geez! I'm with you! How about sliding into first base on your face? Or falling through the bleachers at a ball game, more gravel in the face, or getting your finger slammed in the car door; as in all the way closed. Shoot I don't think they ever even fell off a bike. Try falling on your brothers bike and loosing your--------- to a bike bar, youch.
what gives with these kids? We should've put em in girl scouts or something. I think they need a 10 mile hike and boot camp for teens.

Karen Deborah said...

ps I had to have my appendix out at 9yrs with ether for anestheisia, it's hard to puke with an abdominal incision.

SuburbanCorrespondent said...

Just don't offer to be at the birth!