Monday, January 26, 2009

No News Is.....No News

I cleaned out all my personal files. I organized all of my work files. I am considering removing my personal photos from my desk. This way if I am laid off, I can get out of the building that much faster. I prefer that my co-workers not witness my uncontrollable sobbing. It is very quiet and somber around here. I see more grim faces than happy ones. I walk around wondering which faces will be gone soon. I wonder if mine will be one that is gone. We know it’s coming. Company officials are not even trying to keep it under wraps.

The rumor is that 30% of us company wide will be laid off. That’s approximately 111 employees. The decisions will be made later this week. If I am not laid off, I wonder how my role within the company will change. Will I take on more responsibility? Will I be demoted and forced to resume doing payroll again? That’s not the worst thing that could happen to me.

The worst part is feeling guilty.  I feel guilty because I don't want to be the one who gets laid off. Let's just be honest.  I really hope it's not me. Not that I have someone I would RATHER see laid off, I just don't want to be let go.But in order for it NOT to be me, it will have to be someone else. That makes me feel rotten.

I have been hearing about the “bad” economy for a while now, yet it didn’t seem to really have any impact on my life. Truthfully the economy had nothing to do with my getting the DSJ. I got the second job because I felt the squeeze of student loan payments. (And the squeeze of supporting a teenager. It’s like supporting another adult)

Now the economy is in my face. I see it all around me in the faces of the people I work with. I see it when I think about the WCS (worst case scenario). Sure it’s a bummer, but I have to get ready. As ready as a single mother with no savings can get ready. I have to think about the possibility of losing my house, car, and livelihood.

I have done everything within my power to prepare myself. Now all I can do is sit back and wait. If I drank, I would ask for donations of LARGE quantities of alcohol this week. Extremely large quantities.


Mental P Mama said...

Holding out for you! Take care.

Astarte said...

Waiting for the axe to fall is a terrible feeling. I went through several rounds of layoffs before my time finally came. Don't feel guilty for hoping it's not you! Frankly, everyone there should be hoping it's not a single mom that gets laid off.

Farrell said...

Wait - you dont' drink? Like, at all? Well, I'll have one for you.
I don't even know what to say except I really, really, really hope it's not you and if it becomes you, and you need something, and I happen to have it, I will send it to you. (Though not my bank account because you wouldn't be able to do much with what's there if you know what i mean - still recovering from xmas).

Laura said...

I can imagine nothing worse than having to go through this!!!!