Thursday, February 21, 2008

She's A Cold Hearted Snake

I had a conversation with a friend of mine last night that was really funny. (To me anyway) Her and I have been friends since 1997. A little over three years ago I moved to Tennessee from North Carolina. Since I made the move, I have spoken with her at least three times a week. I have not seen her even once in all that time. Our conversation went something like this:

Me: I can't believe you have stayed in touch with me after all these years. You are a good friend. Not many people would stay in touch like we have, with us living in different states.
Her: What made you say that? (Said very suspiciously in my opinion)

I know why she was so suspicious. The Susan that she knows would NEVER say something sentimental like that. The Susan that she knows would NEVER cry or show any other emotion for that matter.

You see, I went through a very traumatic divorce during the course of my friendship with her. She was there for it all. This experience left me bitter and hard hearted. I didn't want to let anyone inside my heart. It just hurt too much. During the process of my former husband and I separating and getting the divorce, I eventually became aware of my own coldness. I began to pray about it. I asked the Lord to soften my heart. I didn't want to be cold hearted. I just couldn't seem to help myself.

Slowly I began to change. It didn't happen overnight, but gradually. Slowly, I turned into the biggest flippin' ball of mush EVER to walk the face of the Earth. My family picks on me like I am a freak of nature. Every time I get emotional about something, my eyes turn red and well up with tears. They all look at me and say things like: " Look at her, she is about to cry. Look at her eyes" Like I am not even there!!! HELLO! I am not some circus clown sent to amuse the masses, contrary to popular belief. I mean, it's embarrassing enough that I seem to lack control over the mushiness anyway. But to have them standing around staring at me like I just sprouted wings and a horn grew out of my head is just too much. So I am just going to publicly confess my soft heart and be done with it. Well, as much as I can publicly confess with about two readers. (HW and BW)

I think it is still strange for them to see me this way. Now, I ALWAYS tell my sisters and my girls I love them. Every single time I talk to them. If I die, I want them to remember that I told them I loved them. (If any of my far away family is reading this, I love you guys too!!)

All kidding aside, I am glad that the Lord heard my prayer and answered it in His timing. I think it had to happen gradually. All that mushiness overnight would have probably short circuited my brain, and I would now be in a vegetative state.

I am still prepping for the baby shower on Saturday. Why is that you never notice how disgusting your house is until two days before company is coming? I attacked the kitchen tonight. I scrubbed the walls and the sink, mopped the floor and cleaned up the crustiness. I also cleaned off the kitchen table, which was covered in a various assortment of J-U-N-K. Now I must retire for the night. I will probably sit on the couch and find something to cry about. Because I am mushy like that.

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