Friday, August 29, 2008

Just Stuff

I didn't tell ya'll about a decision I made. I blogged about it a while ago. See here to refresh your memory. It's about this whole child support thing. At this point, I am faced with needing a second job to get a handle on my finances. The more I think about it, the more ridiculous I think it is that I should have to work a second job taking more time away from my children. I filled the application papers a few weeks ago. The nice lady I spoke with on the phone told me it would be six weeks before I get an appointment.

It has been three weeks already. Yesterday I got some information in the mail from the child support agency. It was contact information and such. I was relieved to know that at least I am in the system now. Progress is being made,albeit a little slowly. That's the nature of the child support beast. It is a VERY slow process. When I filed child support papers when we lived in NC, it took me almost a year to get the first payment. That's how slow it is.

I think I may be in the doghouse with the ex husband. He was doing very well at calling Keri on a regular basis. Then the phone calls completely stopped. He hasn't called her in one week and one day. (Yes, I am counting) This my friends is an ongoing dilemma. He will call regularly for a while, then drop off the face of the Earth. Maybe he is ticked off because the child support agency contacted him. I don't know. What I am supposed to do? Should I cut him off completely? Should I continue to allow his pathetic attempts at maintaining a relationship with my daughter? I really don't know what the right decision is. I want to do what is best for HER. If it's in her best interest to maintain the little contact she has, then so be it. But what if that's not the right thing to do? What if his popping in and out of her life is worse for her? This something that I have frankly been struggling with for a while.

I suspect he is angry because I am filing for child support, and YES he would stop calling her just to tick me off. He knows that is the ONLY way he can get me riled up. Only I don't feel riled up. I really could care less if he never calls again. The problem is that my daughter cares. This time she hasn't said anything to me about his disappearing act. Usually she will get upset and cry when he doesn't call for a while. Then I get mad. No, then I get furious. I don't understand how a person can treat their own child this way. I could not imagine going more than a week without talking to either one of my kids.

What I would really like to do is rip his heart out, dry out in the sun for a few days, and then hang it around my neck. Unfortunately, I lack the physical strength to pull off such a feat. Too bad I can't just do it with imagination, I have plenty of that. mmmmm ....What else could I do to him? Peel off his toenails one by one? I know, I know, I could knock him out and then dress him like a girl in a really sexy dress. Then I could put makeup and jewelry on him. Then I could leave him somewhere where ALL his friends would find him. He is such a macho guy that would land him in therapy for years.


Did I mention that Keri and I almost got creamed on the way to drop her off at school? You know your day is going to crap when the first thing you do is spill hot coffee on your hand. I shook that off and continued getting ready. I was driving through my neighborhood, I wasn't even on a main road. This car comes straight at me out of nowhere. I lay on the horn and ran off the side of the road. He saw me in time to get stopped, but it scared Keri and I both to death. Then he freakin' WAVED at me. Are you kidding me? A wave does not erase the fact that he almost creamed right into my car. With my kid in it. The car that I spent weeks months researching and investigating. The car that I had transferred from Miss-i-freakin-sippi. The rest of my day progressed in pretty much the same manner. Traffic was horrible, and I was late getting to work.

By the time I got to work I had decided that someone must die. It didn't really matter who. Probably the first person that looked at me wrong. Unfortunately, no one wanted to die that day. Everyone I came in contact with was very nice. Not one cross look did I get all day long. Darn, foiled again! There was to be no outlet for my aggression that day.

Incidentally, my mission to make slaves out of my children have my children help out more around the house is going very well. My life is much smoother with everyone pitching in. Melissa actually cooked dinner two nights. Keri still needs a little work, but she is getting there. I can tell that child has not ONE of her mother's cleaning gene. It's just not in her. She WILL get that gene. Eventually, even if I have to cram it down her little throat. Anyway, it's nice to actually be able to sit and watch TV without feeling guilty about it. To know that my house is not festering in putrid germs while I am sitting on my butt. Oh the joy.

I have no children tonight, so I am off to have some "single woman" fun.............


harassedmomsramblings said...

I have the same dilema with my kids dad! He flitters in if and when he feels like it! And its also dependant on how mad he is with ME!

I used to call him and ask why and beg him to come see them!

Now I leave him! He knows what he has to do - I am not going to remind him to be responsible.

When the kids ask I tell them to ask him when he calls and they do - why must I lie for him! He can tell them his own lies!

It is hard though!!!!!

Sorry about your bad day ;(

John said...

If a man is going to make a baby he should pay child support period.
It doesn't matter if he talks to her once a day or once a year. I don't like the fact that he would use his own daughter as a tool to tick you off or make you furious. He doesn't know how lucky he is to have a daughter as nice as Keri. What kind of an example does that set for her? That men are scum, self centered, manipulative and spiteful? Keri is happy by nature she's a social butterfly she'll be all right no matter what happens, but he has to pay period.

Mental P Mama said...

I cannot tell you how many people I know in your situation who use the children to get "back" at their ex. Both women and men. Stick to your guns, and Keri will realize that is has nothing to do with her. It is her father's own damaged parts that make him do that. Oh, and I do so hope you had a nice night out;)

Astarte said...

My dad vanished when I was 3, and didn't reappear until I was an adult. I had a lot of emotional problems, and a BAD relationship with men, because of this for years and years, and defined myself as Garbage without realizing it until I was probably 33 or so. The most important thing for her to realize is that his behavior is nothing to do with her, and that her value is not tied to him, or any other person. You begging him to call her won't help anything, since it gives him power. I think you're right in trying to just enforce the communication between the two of them, and having her ask him the hard questions herself, if she can. It's so hard for kids to understand that they are their own people with their own inherent value, aside from anyone else's actions, but if you can lay that foundation in her for her future reference, she'll be OK. No one ever told me that I was a worthwhile person, regardless of my f*cked up family, and I think it would have helped me. As for money... I hope they make him sell a kidney. Seriously.

creative kerfuffle said...

ditto what astarte said on the make him sell a kidney thing. i cannot begin to fathom people who use their children like that or who can even go a day or more without seeing them let alone talk to them. i don't get it. when the hubs and i had our dark times and divorce was discussed (though not ever really seriously) it would always end when we talked about the kids because neither of us was willing to be away from them.
i hope you had a kick ass night out and that you'll share details ; )