Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Reclaiming My Pants

We found more critter evidence. He chewed through something in the attic. I am so grossed out. I think I may lock the cat up there for a couple of days and see what happens. What’s the point in having a cat if it wont protect you from unknown vermin? I don’t know about ya’ll, but I tend to think it may be a mouse. Please God don’t let it be a rat or something equally hideous and distasteful. Please, I beg you.

Today is the official day that Susie begins to truly wear the pants at home. The day didn’t get off to a great start. I had an accident that I would rather not discuss, and then I spilled hot coffee all over my own hand. Keri didn’t have her clothes or snacks picked out so we were late leaving the house this morning. Which means I was late dropping her off and got stuck in traffic.

I don’t understand two things. The first thing I don’t understand is this: Why must everyone drive 20 miles under the speed limit if there is even ONE DROP of moisture on the road? Why I ask? Is there a such thing as aqua-amoxaphobia?(The fear of water and fear of driving combined) The second thing I don’t understand is why people are so fascinated with minor traffic accidents. Big deal. You mean to say that’s the most interesting thing you’ve ever laid eyes on? Come on people! Let the rest of us who could care less get to work. The rest of us have kids who made us late leaving the house, which is why we are in such a hurry to get to work anyway.

See how easily sidetracked I am? Anyway back to day 1 of mission “Give Susie Back Her Pants”. Today at approximately 1600 hours, I will be placing a call to the residence of one Keri and one Melissa. I will then sweetly inquire as to what the little precious children would like for dinner. Then at approximately 1600 hour and 1 minute, I will say something like, “Oh you would like spaghetti for dinner? Then I suggest you get out the noodles, spaghetti sauce, and big pot. Be sure to make a plate for me, as I will be very hungry upon arriving home”.

I am sure there will be much weeping and gnashing of teeth. This will not weaken my stone cold resolve to make them pull their weight around the house. Nothing will stop me. No amount of huffing, puffing, pouting, crying, eye rolling that I can’t see over the phone, or any other acts of treason will sway me. I will….reclaim my pants.

1500 hours, 30 minutes August 25, 2008

I am gleefully anticipating calling my children in 27 minutes to inquire about what we are having for dinner. Picture me sitting at my desk rubbing my hands together in joyful anticipation.

1500 hours 54 minutes August 25, 2008

So I called the children to ask what they wanted for dinner:

Melissa: I dunno

Me: Well, you guys need to decide what you want for dinner

Melissa: Keri, what do you want for dinner?

Keri: Hawaiian chicken

Me: Then get out the dish and preheat the oven to 350 degrees…..

I proceeded to give the two subjects instructions on how to start dinner. The younger subject claims to have had a headache since after lunch. The older subject seems to not show much interest in any of this dinner conversation. I will be contacting the subjects again when I leave the office.

0800 hours, August 26, 2008

Subject M (Melissa) reported that subject K (Keri) cried after TE (The Enforcer-that would be me) alerted the subjects of their mission. Subject M offered to step in and handle the mission. Subject K ceased her emotional outburst and did perform the task she was given. Today’s mission will include vacuuming and dusting. TTAAAWWAAANNDDAA!!!

HW wanted to know if I haven't been wearing pants, what have I been wearing. I think a kilt. Still have no idea what the critter in the attic is. I just do not want to deal with that but I know I must.


harassedmomsramblings said...

YOU GO!!! Well done to the girls for surviving! Its onwards and upwards from here!!

Maybe sit with them on a sat and plan the week? So that they KNOW whats happening?

YUK about the critter - I would lock the cat AND put traps the whole floor full!!

Astarte said...

Hooray!!! And oh, the DRAMA. Girls are so queeny.

It's probably a mouse or a squirrel. No biggie. Get a trap, put some peanut butter in it, and wait a day or so. When we had a mouse twice last winter (there was a new development in what had been a farmer's field last year, so all the mice ran into nearby houses for the winter, I guess), we used those have-a-heart traps that catch the mice alive inside a plastic box, and then released them into a field across town. It worked nicely. No grossness, no blood, no half-trapped still-alive creatures.

creative kerfuffle said...


i'd go for setting traps in the attic too. vermin are icky.

Mental P Mama said...

Awesome! So glad you got those pants on! And that critter? Not so awesome. Yuck.

Fiona Picklebottom said...

Good for you!

Farrell said...

I love the way you put that. And I love that Melissa stepped in to help Keri, and more importantly: THEY GOT IT DONE!