Thursday, August 23, 2007

The Big Adjustment

I have recently been sidetracked with my story telling by a mouse named Mr. Jingles and some family stuff. So...back to the issues at hand. My dad had just been released from prison and my mother was having a nervous breakdown(I think). She quit her job, packed up all the kids and moved to Tennessee. Her and my dad tried to work things out. Dad tried to discipline the kids. This would prove to be a difficult task. He had four children who had not had any discipline for the last nine years or so. I was not around at first. I stayed behind in my home state. I was staying with a family friend at the time and I had recently turned 18.

I don't think my mother truly wanted to work things out with my dad. I think she just wanted a way out of her miserable existence. She had been through three husbands and had spent years alone with all of us. At any rate, things did not work out between them. I moved to TN myself after a few months. I was having difficulties with Sissy's dad and just wanted to get away.

By this time I was really starting to build resentment against my mother for all that we had been through. We were not close. My dad tried to rebuild a relationship with me. I was resistant to any authority. In all honesty, ever since giving birth to Sissy I had been making adult decisions. There was a major clashing of wills for quite a while.

To sum it up, we all eventually reestablished a relationship with dad. For each of us, it was in our own way, in our own time. All of us have made some poor decisions in our adult lives. All four of the girls have been able to overcome many obstacles. Unfortunately our brother has not fared as well as the rest of us. He is in and out of trouble with the law. He has been struggling with drug abuse since he was about sixteen. He turned thirty this year.

My sister "D" has two boys and a third baby on the way. She is currently in therapy and is working on her issues. "A" is 23 and is expecting her first child. She is in a better place than I have ever seen her. "M" is a born again Christian, she is married and has overcome many obstacles even in adulthood. She married at 18, then tragically lost her first husband. She is also the first of us to graduate college. I will get to be second.

As for me, I have made my share of mistakes also. My early twenties were the worst years of my adult life. I went through several years of very deep bitterness towards my mother. I was just not right emotionally. I was also married and divorced in a brief period of time. My state of mind did have something to do with my marriage not lasting. The ironic thing is, I count going through the divorce as the worst thing that ever happened to me. I also refused to believe in God for a while. If I chose to believe in God, then I also knew that He let all those terrible things happen to us. If there really was a God, why would he let us suffer like that? But after a while I realized that all those bad times were character building and they also made me a stronger, better person. While I wouldn't want my children to suffer that way, I know that everything happens for a reason. I also know that God didn't bail out on me. He saved me probably more times than I can count.(I don't want to get into a religious discussion, this is just what I believe)

While I have a great relationship with my dad, I still struggle with my mother. I really try hard not to hold the past against her. It's really hard because she has not changed over the years. That is the difference between her and my dad. My dad served his time, and rebuilt his life. He has his own business that he built from the ground up. He has not been in any trouble since being released from prison. He learned from his mistakes, and has become a better person.He is a man of integrity. He says what he means and means what he says. I couldn't be more proud to call him my dad.

In the end I like to think that I am in a better place in my life than I have ever been. I am happier than I have ever been. My children are well cared for, they do well in school also. They are not troubled or emotionally scarred. I have a good job and I am about six months away from graduating college.

There were more things that went on but there is no way I could cover everything in this blog. It would have to be a flippin' book.

1 comment:

MAT said...

Why not get into a religious discussion, I'm sure there are plenty of people out there that believe as you do. Besides it could be another chapter in the
flippin' book