I am here to tell you that teaching a teenager to drive is uummm.....how can I this? Well it requires nerves of steel. Which I do not have. The following is a typical driving lesson:
Honey, you need to stay in your lane.
BRAKES!!! Brakes would be really good now! ( I screamed this one)
OMG...FLOOR IT!! GO FAST!!! GO REALLY REALLY FAST NOW!!!
Baby, the green light means you can go.
I really don't think you need to drive this fast, this is a construction zone. Or honey, you can go faster, the speed limit is forty through here.
I really think it must be some kind of conspiracy to make me insane. I have friends and family who will some day be in my unfortunate shoes. This next section is titled, "The secret rules of teenage drivers"
1. If no cars are coming you should floor it as hard as you can.
2. If there is oncoming traffic you should inch out as slow possible, ensuring a collision.
3. While driving on the interstate you NEVER maintain speed. You should go between driving 50 miles to 70 miles per hour. This will definitely promote poor gas mileage.
4. Be sure to drive slow in the left lane. This will p*ss off numerous drivers and cause them to give you the finger.
I am sure as time goes on I will be adding a few more of the secret rules. I will be sure to post them as soon as they become available.
On the bright side, at least I don't have a newborn baby hanging on my nipple and three two year toddlers. That blog really makes me feel like a whiner.
In other news, my youngest is aware of my blog and has informed me that I am embarrassing her. Like she didn't embarrass me all those times when she was a baby and made sure to poot in every public place that she could think of. Or the time she had a full blown tantrum at Chuck E Cheese when it was time to leave. No my friends, the fun has just begun.
Special thanks to my friend and personal mechanic who not only takes care of my car, but is also working hard to get M's car ready for her sixteenth birthday. I appreciate all your help.