Wednesday, August 8, 2007

What's The Deal?

Recently when discussing teaching "Sissy" as she will now be referred to from now on, how to drive, someone stated to me that they NEVER got into a car with their child when they were learning how to drive. She made her husband teach her children how to drive. Uumm, that's all well and good but I don't have a husband. I haven't had one for a long time now.

This means that I have to do a great deal of the things that a dad would normally do. (Both fathers are out of state). I have to be the nurturer (is that a word?) and the disciplinarian (Lord, that one was hard too....OK I used spell check). I don't have the option of making the fathers do these things because they are not around. I am not looking for pity that's just the way things are. I have already given both girls lessons on checking the oil, adding oil to the car etc. Sometimes I wish I didn't have to do these things. I wish they weren't having to have me play Mom and Dad. I wish I made some better choices along the way. But without those choices I wouldn't have the girls, and I am grateful for them every day.

As my wonderful little sister says, "You get what you get, and don't throw a fit". So just in case anyone is wondering, I am not susiewearthepants because of my bossy personality. I wear the pants because I have to.

I am not some crazy, man hating freak. I like men just as much as the next woman. Obviously, some things have gone wrong in my love life. I am doing everything I can to learn from these experiences(mistakes).

Maybe someday I won't have to wear the pants anymore. Maybe I will gladly relinquish the pants some poor sucker(wonderful man). No matter what happens, it is a joy read blogs of other people who seem to have healthy relationships. Specifically, HW and Jen05. Thanks for sharing your lives.

Truthfully, I really hope someday to turn over the pants wearing to someone else. One of my fears is that my girls will grow up and leave me and I will die an old maid, all alone with nothing but a few cats and some ugly sweaters, constantly complaining about being cold and how my kids never come to see me. (LOL)

HW I read some of your older blogs and ran across the one you wrote about when your teenager started driving. I am so glad someone understands my pain. When you have a child, them growing up seems so far into the distant future that you can't even fathom it. Then you turn around one day and you are handing them the keys to your car. That's when it really sinks in that someday soon this child is going to go off and create a life of their own. When you are single it is even more scary. I have made raising the girls my life. What am I going to do when that part of my job is done? Very scary stuff. I had Sissy when I was 16 years 4 months and 3 days old. Therefore I am having to go through a good deal of this stuff(crap) much younger than a lot of people. She did tell me tonight that is glad that I am not old. That was very comforting let me tell you(insert sarcasm here).

On a last note, I am thinking of blogging some stuff about my horrendous childhood. If anyone thinks I should, let me know. Hopefully it will be inspirational and not depressing.

So that's the deal.


HW said...

Thank you for your kind words about my blog. I blog for my children. I know I have VERY few readers, but my daughter reads it and that's good enough for me. Of course, that means I can't post when I'm having a bad parenting day...
I would suggest you post about your difficult childhood if it will be cathartic for you. And if you don't mind if your daughters read it. I also had a very difficult childhood but have not reached the point where I'm comfortable having my kids read about it.

Kim said...

You know that you have been a great parent to your kids.
this is your blog. You write whatever you feel. I am glad that you are giving me a chance to see what I am going to have to do in a few...fourteen years. :)