For those of you who may not have realized it yet...I'm a nut. I have managed to spend the last year convincing myself that once my employer realizes that they have made a terrible mistake, I will be out the door. I got a promotion last year. I was skepitcal about it, but I took the position. I have always felt like a fraud. The little voice in the back of my head whispers to me,"You're not one of them, you don't have anything in common with any of them, you didn't grow up like any of them did, if they only knew about you....."
The other thing "The Voice" says to me is,"You can't do this job, you're not smart enough, you don't even have a degree yet, soon they are going to realize that they made a mistake". So basically I sit around waiting for the bomb to go off so to speak. I am waiting to get fired any day now. I said all that to tell you that yesterday I heard some whispering. I managed to convince myself over the course of the evening that I was going to come in and get fired today. I thought about how many times I have been late because I have to drop off The DQ at school before I come in. I thought about some other things that I probably better not mention. (Did I mention that I scored high for paranoia on a personality test?) This paranoia makes me think that someone from work might actually read this and of course that would lead to my immediate termination. Do you see the twisted garbledegook that my mind has become?
The big question is...Are my thoughts valid? Are they based on actual facts or the insecure ramblings of my twisted mind?
I actually did approach my boss this morning and let him know that I am having a hard time getting to work on time because of the changed school schedule this year. He was very supportive and understanding and said that we would work around it. I was completely shocked. I don't know what I expected, but that was not it. I also did not get fired. I guess sometimes my imagination gets the best of me. I actually should take some affirmative action and fire "The Voice". The Voice is obviously a liar and not to be trusted. So the big question is....How do you fire "The Voice"? It's been around as long as I can remember, making me feel insecure and having me doubt every positive thing that has come into my life......